MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Deign

Name: moldy999 (Signed) · Date: 12/04/07 5:56 · For: Chapter 1
yay nice cute i like it

Author's Response: Thanks! :)

Name: pandafan81 (Signed) · Date: 09/30/07 22:22 · For: Chapter 1
Happy Belated Birthday Preethi my love! I did entend to have this posted ON your birthday... but this of course is SPEW so it was left to the last minute. I might also be double dipping and sending you some 007 love! Congrats on being one of 7 to actually finish!!!

I love how repulsive Lavender is at the beginning. Girls like that drive me crazy, so the fact that the character is making my skin crawl is compliment to your characterization skills.

But then, his perfect plan had backfired. Not only did it make Hermione hate him, he was now stuck with Lavender, hoping against hope that if he were rude enough to her, she would break up with him.
This is absolutely the epotime of Ron's characterization at this time!

She looks beautiful too, added a naughty voice in the back of his mind.
This line SO made me smile. =D

I like how freely Ron and Hermione are chatting here. So often we see Ron and Hermione "talking quietly" and of coures, Harry assumes they are always discussing him. But of course, Ron and Hermione would have conversations about Harry, but about other things as well, and Hermione pointing out Harry and Ginny's mutal affections just seems like something they might discuss. Very sweet.

This whole scene is just so Ron. His plot to make Hermione jealous backfiring, and yet, ultamately, leading to them spending so much time together. And Ron is blind, not only is he blind about Harry and Ginny, he's blind to Hermione's interest in him. All he seems to think or care about, is his own love affairs.

The scene is wonderfully laid out. The dialouge well written and characterization (as already overly menioned) very agreeable. Excellent work love!

Author's Response: Yay, thanks for reviewing, Amanda! That made me smile. :)

Name: Fantasium (Signed) · Date: 09/25/07 14:17 · For: Chapter 1
Oh, Preethi, this is such a sweet story, and perfectly canon-compliant too! I know it was written before the release of Deathly Hallows, but it could just as well have been written afterwards. I’m impressed with how you’ve managed to keep it so innocent and yet so emotional – I know that I couldn’t have resisted at least a little kiss.

I only found one mistake:

“And I’m you’re girlfriend, not Hermione Granger!”

A classical you’re/your error there. =)

All thoughts of breakfast forgotten, he pushed the tray away and lay down, staring at the ceiling.

This is a great line to use! We all know how obsessed Ron is with food – so if something is bothering him so much that he’s not even touching his breakfast, then it must be really serious. ;)

I really like the contrast between Lavender’s and Hermione’s characters, and how Ron reacts to them. You do a very good job of showing us how Ron feels about the two girls, instead of just telling us. For example, how he’s bothered about Lavender’s attempt to feed him, but is delighted when Hermione helps him with the potions. Nice!

Your writing is quite lovely, Preethi, and I have nothing to remark on about grammar or spelling. Your flow is natural and well-paced, and everyone’s well in character and backed up by canon facts.

Again, I must mention how sweet this story is, and also tell you that I’m still wearing a grin on my face from reading it. Good job, dear! :D

Author's Response: Thanks for the wonderful review, Anna dear! :D Oh, and thanks for pointing that error to me. I'll fix it asap. :)rn

Name: electronicquillster (Signed) · Date: 08/27/07 1:13 · For: Chapter 1
As I read this story, it seemed as though I’ve read it before... Maybe I read it in the 007 forum? ...Or was it for my romance class? I don’t know. But it was a lovely treat to read through (again?) tonight. :)

There’s not much I would change about this, and not even much to remark on.

(Except maybe I would take out Lavender. Grr. She was so annoying, and I just wanted to be completely rid of her. Just like Ron. -grin- Obviously you did your narrative job spectacularly well, as that was the point you were trying to get across.)

I was very relieved to see Hermione, just as Ron was. I enjoyed the easy conversation between them. They truly know each other so well, and you did a very good job showing that. Nothing seemed forced. I actually felt that way through the whole fic. This was a believable missing moment. It felt like something that could easily have been written up by JKR. I mean, the writing style is your own, still, but it has the air of canon. The romance isn’t piled on too thick, and that’s something that rings true with her books. Very nice tone, dear SPEW buddy. That’s why I actually wanted to review this one. It simply felt right. Thanks for such a lovely read!

Author's Response: Hee, it's part of SPEW 007, actually. Didn't I mention that somewhere in the summary or something? I thought I did. Hm, anyway, thank you for the lovely review. :) I'm glad you found it believable. *squishes*

Name: LifeisGood (Signed) · Date: 08/12/07 17:40 · For: Chapter 1
Good one! Keep up the good stories cause you have a gift!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you! :)

Name: GreyLady (Signed) · Date: 07/26/07 12:38 · For: Chapter 1
So, I wasn’t planning on reviewing a R/Hr by you after you reviewed mine, but I liked it too much. XD

Preethi, this is really excellent. As I was reading I kept marveling at how much your Ron and Hermione seem like Jo’s Ron and Hermione; the way they interact is so natural and sweet and amusing, just like in canon. Wonderful characterizations, from using the word “sprawled” for Ron, to his speech patterns, to…almost everything. You have the exasperating but lovable Ron popping out of this story. “Bugger.” I giggled out loud at that part.

And we can’t forget Hermione. I really like how you don’t write her as being continually disgruntled with Ron—it’s nice how she teases and jokes around with him, but also has such Hermione-ish qualities as being concerned about him and about school, and generally having that air of competence and poise that Ron lacks, lol.

Your other characterizations—Madam Pomfrey and Lavender—were also good, though Lavender appropriately made me queasy. Madam Pomfrey was that interesting mix of kindness and briskness, though I have to question her calling Ron “boy.” It’s a little too rough for her, I think. Also, you never mentioned Lavender leaving the room—it was slightly confusing for a minute.

With Ron there were a few things that threw me off as well. A couple times he used the word “heck” and I just felt that, Ron being Ron, he would have used its more colorful counterpart. ;) As I mentioned before, Ron isn’t the brightest of fellows. So it was a little bit of a shock to have him realize that Hermione might have gone out with Krum in part to make Ron jealous, though I’m not personally sure that she did; she seemed to enjoy his company. Basically, I think that line isn’t needed, because it doesn’t quite work.

Now, please don’t kill me: I have a few more suggestions.

Cosy—isn’t it spelled with a “z”?

“The aroma of eggs and bacon being irresistible, he sat up, yanking the covers up to his chin.” This felt sudden to me. It could be reworded to something like, “The aroma of eggs and bacon drifted irresistibly across the hospital wing. He sat up, yanking the covers to his chin.”

“Ron shifted, burying his face into his pillow, and grinning like mad; Hermione’s scent still haunting the air.” This sentence would be grammatically correct if it were written as thus: “Ron shifted, burying his face into his pillow, and grinned like mad. Hermione’s scent still haunted the air.” And this is more personal, but “hung in” instead of “haunted” might give a better flavor of what you’re trying to convey.

One last thing: wasn’t Hermione out in the stadium when Harry was hit with the Bludger? And yet you have them hearing him yell at McLaggen while she’s inside; I don’t think she would have made it outside in time to see him fall. It’s not a big deal because this is such a darling one-shot, but I thought I’d mention it.

Um, so yeah. That’s a lot of concrit. ^^ Truly, I loved this story. It gave me the wonderful bubbly feeling of well written fluff, but this is subtle fluff. One of the best missing moments I’ve ever read for sure; it could almost blend in with canon. It has to be one of the best things you’ve written, Preethi. Lovely work.

Author's Response: Aw, thanks for such a detailed review, Ren! :D I'm so glad you thought Ron and Hermione acted like they do in canon. :) Regarding the Ron's line about Krum, well, Ron being Ron, assumed that Hermione was going out with Krum only to get Ron's attention. It's clearly not true, because like you pointed out, Hermione seemed to enjoy his company. But that's how Ron looked at the situation, and we all know how good Ron's skills with girls' minds are. XD And, I believe cosy with an 's' is the British way of spelling it. :) And, wow, thank you for all the sentence structure changes. I'll definitely look into those. :) Thanks again for such a detailed review, Ren! *squishes*

Name: Hermione Clone (Signed) · Date: 07/20/07 7:10 · For: Chapter 1
That was so sweet!
It's funny how Hermione saw that Ginny was with Dean so Harry would notice her, when the same thing was happening with her and Ron.
Lavender was great! She really is that annoying.

Author's Response: Aw, thank you! :D And yeah, Lavender is sort of annoying at times. Hee.

Name: Prongs92 (Signed) · Date: 07/12/07 15:19 · For: Chapter 1
That could have definitely been in Half-blood prince. It was sooo good! LOVE IT!

Author's Response: Aw, thanks! :D

Name: Fantasystar (Signed) · Date: 07/12/07 14:15 · For: Chapter 1
I wonder if that's what really happened. Hmm...haha.
Loved it! ^_^

Author's Response: *giggles* Maybe it really happened. ;) Thanks! =]

Name: oddmentandtweak (Signed) · Date: 07/09/07 23:04 · For: Chapter 1

Author's Response: Thanks!

Name: serenehyuuga93 (Signed) · Date: 06/27/07 10:37 · For: Chapter 1
Very nice!

Author's Response: Thanks! =]

Name: hermsgranger (Signed) · Date: 06/25/07 10:04 · For: Chapter 1
aaawww...Thats so cute! I love it! Update soon pl, unless this is a one-shot, then, well, it was a good story.

Author's Response: Thanks! And this is a one shot. =]

Name: Hermione Jane (Signed) · Date: 06/24/07 21:03 · For: Chapter 1
ooo I loved that. I adore reading things that could possibly have been written as a part of the book, with the characters just like they are in the actual books and everything. It was awesome, deffinitely one of my favorites.

Author's Response: Aw, thanks! =] I'm glad you thought the characters were just like in the books. *squee*

Name: Hanabi (Signed) · Date: 06/22/07 16:52 · For: Chapter 1
This was a really sweet story. I've read a lot of post-poisoning fan fiction, and they always seem to come to a confession. It's refreshing to read one that doesn't.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! =]

Name: quick_quotes_quill (Signed) · Date: 06/22/07 13:34 · For: Chapter 1
i think that is a very perfect missing moment

Author's Response: Thanks! =]

Name: omg i love sirius (Signed) · Date: 06/21/07 18:16 · For: Chapter 1
that was really great. thank god you left it as you did without the whole omg!ronhermy kiss.

i can really imagine that happening in HBP. you know where ron asks harry something like "hermione gonna drop in before the match?" .. like he wanted some more of the alone time he got with her here.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! =] I'm not a very big fan of the omg!kiss scenes either.

Name: hermy_loves_ron (Signed) · Date: 06/20/07 22:16 · For: Chapter 1
Very nicely done! I loved the contrast between Lavender's visit and Hermione's, and the way Ron felt about both of them. So even though there were a million kisses and "baby"s and such in Lavender's visit, just the easy-going friendliness of Hermione's visit seemed much more romantic. Because you have to be friends before you can be anything more, right? It was great how you portrayed the romance so subtlely. Amazing job. :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Yep, I agree, friendship is the first step in a relationship. =]

Name: the2ndWeasleytwins (Signed) · Date: 06/18/07 10:37 · For: Chapter 1
it fine but nothing happened between them really, maybe in a second chapter???

Author's Response: Oops, double post.

Name: the2ndWeasleytwins (Signed) · Date: 06/18/07 10:37 · For: Chapter 1
it fine but nothing happened between them really, maybe in a second chapter???

Author's Response: Nope, this stays as a one shot. =]

Name: worshipJKR713 (Signed) · Date: 06/17/07 21:44 · For: Chapter 1
awwww sweet

Author's Response: Thanks! =]

You must login (register) to review.