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Reviews For Return to Reality

Name: lucilla_pauie (Signed) · Date: 01/09/08 18:52 · For: Return to Reality
Hello, Camille.

Now, this is a tad late; it's been half a year since you posted this fic. But better late than never, eh?

Your story is linked at the SPEW Category Patrol. The title lured me in. It was most unique among the others in Abigail's Harry/Ginny links. I must admit I'm a little disappointed at your summary though. After seeing the story itself, I'm sure you can give it more body and charm. ^_^

I wrote a First Chapter to Book 7 myself for the Forum Challenge... I think it was for the New Year Extra Credit... so my curiosity was piqued to read how you did. Something in me agreed that it would have been nice if the last book picked up right where The HBP ended. You captured the post-funeral atmosphere of the Hogwarts Express like a brilliant photograph. I saw it in my mind's eye, how the train rattled loudly externally, but went past the countryside like a ghost because of the silence within. It's also nice to see it from the perspective of the trolley lady. Your paragraphs need some slimming, that's all. They are too chunky. It's best to keep paragraphs slim, especially in the beginning, so as not to intimidate readers.

You also have grammar and punctuation rules down pat, except for 'times like THESE'. Your Ginny is a little too mercurial though. One moment, she's grinning (and how could she grin after the funeral?), the next, she's internally whinging... it doesn't match her maturity and eloquence at the end of HBP.

But you've shown her fierce love and care for Harry with finesse and through this picturesque battlescene. I love the patronuses vs Dementors match. And I agree that nuw255's idea about Ginny's patronus change is excellent. You've used it well.

~Joanna

Author's Response: Thanks for your tips! Yours is the first real constructive criticism I've received in reviews, to my slight disappointment.


Name: Seductive_Swan (Signed) · Date: 07/17/07 1:17 · For: Return to Reality
I love that! It is so brilliant!


Name: bellshel_36 (Signed) · Date: 06/29/07 15:13 · For: Return to Reality
That's sooooooooo sweet!!! i love it!


Name: coolcat1000 (Signed) · Date: 06/12/07 16:16 · For: Return to Reality
nice!!!! i really like it


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