i think that that was a really nice kind of missing moment from DH. I really liked the way it was, especially when Harry stood up to his Uncle.
i think that that was a really nice kind of missing moment from DH. I really liked the way it was, especially when Harry stood up to his Uncle.
This story doesn't have a SPEW review either, and I figured I could be more serious with this one.
Not only was it easier without their cages, but it would be harder for Uncle Vernon to lock the birds in their cages if they didn’t bring the cages. Hee. That is a good idea. I don't however, think you should say 'cages' three times. You could exchange the last one for something like 'items of entrapment' instead of a pronoun if you want.
I really love the conviction Ron and Hermione have from the beginning. They're just going with Harry, and there's no stopping them. It seems very characteristic of their relationship with him, as well as their determination at this point in their story.
Hermione began the same explanation with her parents as Ron bantered more with his. There's something that just doesn't flow with the parallelism of this sentence. It's neither bad nor incorrect, but I think more detail wouldn't hurt. Hermione offered the same explanation to her parents as Ron continued to banter with his.
I remember you saying you felt like the only one who still ships H/G, but Harry with her in his head throughout DH was absolutely precious. Incidentally, I love the way you write them together.
Get ready? Oh, dear. Nice of Harry, to warn them like that. *giggles*
No asking for money when you’re sure to fail at whatever you do? I find it amusing that the Dursleys think he would even need money. I like the way you've portrayed them, the ever suspicious parents and simple Dudley.
How typical of Hermione, to think they were rude! I like your little addition that Ron had been there before. I'd almost forgotten that!
They each grabbed their trunks and began heaving them up the stairs. Each is singular, so I think 'They each grabbed a trunk' would be more appropriate.
she had acquired in a stationary store This should be stationery, as 'stationary' means unmoving. They located places all over the country they might stay like camp grounds and hostiles. It's hostel, actually.
Dudley's strange following of the trio is entertaining, and the Hermione crush scenario is very entertaining.
Mum’s next door, Dad’s upstairs taking lying down with a headache.” Did you mean to say that? I think it's just a typo.
The next line, Harry's relief was almost audible is lovely. What a sensory picture!
Aaaah! Did you really write this before DH? I love your intuition there! Dearest Duddy. Well, what a lovely ending - I especially enjoyed the dramatic exclamation point.
How did you pull that off?? I'm simply in denial. That was amazing. You even pulled off Harry's rant with out turning him into caps lock Harry. You must be an amazing writer all around, because you pulled off something that very few have even tryed- JKR managed it, but she started this wole thing- Dudley ending up nice, Harry getting the last laugh against Vernon, everything. It was just amazing. And if this gets too much insite acclaim, we will all be subjected to the insanity of a Hermione/Dudley cult. That would be interesting. Toodles!!
Author's Response: LOL, thanks!
Awesome!!!!! As good as Rowling's version!
Author's Response: Thank you!
Harry and Ron don't have their Apparating licences, but who cares!
It's nice the way you wrote Dudley, and that speach from Harry, pure genius!
Any chance of a continuation?
Author's Response: Sorry, not on this one, but check out my other stuff if you liked this! Thanks for the read and review!
Very well done. I love the part where Harry tells Vernon off. I like how you made Dudley a person who could change (though I'm not sure he would).
Author's Response: Thanks
that was great. go harry! but they (harry, and ron because he wasnt licensed) were apparating illegally. dudley was okay though
its really good. i wish it wasnt a one-shot. i would've wanted to see what would happen to dudley if vernon found out he wished harry luck
Author's Response: Yes, Harry and Ron are apparating illegally, but Mr. Weasley fixed it so magic in the Dursley household wouldn't get them in trouble, and Harry and Ron are taking their licence exams the next day... isn't it just like them to fudge things a bit?
go Harry!!
that was great.
and i'm glad they made up with Dudley
Author's Response: Thanks!
Ooo, nice job. I never thought Dudley would be interested with Harry's lot, but we hardly see much of him, so you never know. Good job.
~~Lluvia
Author's Response: Thanks. I was a bit hesitant writing that myself, but it was a driving force for the tension in the household. Thanks for the review!
That was really cool! I loved how Harry finally got to let out 16 years of hatred on Vernon, he had it coming! :)
Author's Response: Yeah, that was fun to write! Thanks!
It's cute.. Iike it. :)
Author's Response: Thanks!
Wow! What a highly charged chapter. Really liked how Harry got sixteen year's of horrid treatment out of his system, when he yelled at Vernon at the end. Very good juxtaposition of the storm outside reflecting Vernon's increasing irritation at the end of the story.
One possible piece of con crit: hostile, if you're referring to inexpensive lodges where young people stay, is hostel, I think.
Regardless, this was another exciting chapter. Thanks, Pandafan81!
If you get the chance, please visit my story, He Didn't Stand A Chance by The Seeker. Ch 1 is up; ch 2 is with the mods.
I'd love to get your feedback. Thanks!
Author's Response: Thanks for pointing out the Hostile/Hostel issue, I'll look that up and change it accordingly!
Awsome very good job keep it coming. so harry illegaly dissaperated? if you want another beta im avaibale lol
Author's Response: Sadly, this story is just a one-shot, so it's over. But i have plenty of other things, including a couple of WIPs that you might be interested in!
