Oh, just lovely, Manda! It’s such a poignant little treasure and there are some classic moments here. I’m going to apologize in advance if this review sounds a little disjointed; I’m writing it in a bit of a rush. *blush*
I love this piece. It’s a very honest and funny picture of what Ted and Andromeda’s family is like. Your imagery and the depiction of small moments that make up the bigger picture are probably this story’s biggest strengths. From Ted helping Andromeda out of bed to promising to wash the dishes and usually not coming through, we do see the classic husband-wife teamwork.
Feel the love, to say the least. I thought of my parents’ own marriage several times during this, actually; it is absolutely mind blowing how accurate your details sound as I read, and it makes me smile.
On an off-note, I noticed a lot of dialogue errors with punctuation and tags. I pointed out about three or so and there couldn’t have been more than ten in the whole piece, but if you ever have time, get someone to look at them. After all, fixing the little things makes the overall product prettier to the *grammar-obsessed* eye *that only Kumy is insane enough to have.* Hee. :)
How was she to know that the summer had decided to delay until autumn, making her last month so unbearable? The juxtaposition of the two seasons is a little garbled, though I did get what you meant. I would change the sentence a bit to take out one or the other of the seasons and make it clearer.
“I’m so fat I can’t turn over, the sun’s in my eyes, I’m hot, I’m hungry, my back hurts, and I have to pee,” Andromeda sighed. This is perfect. Bloody hilarious, and utterly in character for the poor dear. *hugs Andromeda*
“It won’t be too much longer now,” he spoke softly as he pressed another kiss to her wrist, “and I think you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” It’s a really small detail, but I love that you’ve had him call Andromeda a ‘girl’ in this line. It just…shows that he still thinks of her as the person he first met, first fell in love with back at Hogwarts. It’s very beautiful in a joyful, sweet, subtly important way!
Andromeda rolled her eyes at him, but smiled serenely as his kisses moved up her arm. I do believe you only need commas before conjunctions when they connect two independent clauses. This is just a compound predicate and wouldn’t need the comma before ‘but.’
Teddy climbed onto the bed and crawled between his parents, separating them unceremoniously. *giggles* Another hilarious and truly honest depiction of married life with pregnancy and young children. I used to do this to MY parents when I was a kid. Merlin only knows what things I interrupted. *tries not to think about it too much*
“Good morning baby, what do you want for breakfast this morning?” Insert comma after morning.
“Eggs” he replied bouncing up and down on the mattress. Insert comma after eggs.
Ted scooped his son off the bed, “Come on Teddy, you’re making your mum seasick.” Change comma after bed to a period and insert comma after on.
He placed the boy on the rocker in the corner, then moved again to the bed to help his wife up. Andromeda sat up slowly and Ted carefully pulled her to her feet. This is just SUCH a sweet line. It shows how wonderful their relationship must be, how caring of a husband Ted is, how much he must love that soon-to-be-born child of theirs. Oh, and delete the comma after corner and insert ‘and’ there.
Her notoriously messy husband was good at offering to do the dishes, but poor with follow through. Wow, just wow! This is – yet again – the humorous honesty I so love in this piece. It’s just LOVELY. I cannot say that enough.
“It can’t be a girl,” Teddy said, so matter-of-factly, “because I want a brother.” I must tell a story here. *giggles helplessly* My cousin brother was so set on his little sister being a boy that when he first saw her in the hospital with his mother, he refused to admit that she was related to him. He thought the spooky clown from the horror movie he had watched the night before she was delivered had taken the boy and replaced it with this she-monster who wailed and was wrinkled all over her face. My poor aunt nearly had a emotional breakdown when she saw her son refusing to admit he had a baby sister!
Then, he saw all the presents she got – particularly the ones she was too young to use as of yet – and got over his aversion to the clown-implanted she-monster quite quickly. ;) This story is just TOO funny (and TOO good)!
“She’s a bit smaller than I like, but mother and daughter are doing fine, you may go in and see them now.” The comma after fine should be a semicolon.
Ted handed the now slumbering Nymphadora back to her mother He summoned the announcements from the dresser across the room. H marks the spot. ;) You’re missing a period, my dear.
What a lovely story, I must repeat! The only question I am left with is: Wherever can we find Teddy in the books? Do you have any ideas as to what happens to him between the time of this one-shot and the time of HP canon that he’s just not here? And is Teddy Lupin named after Teddy Tonks, I wonder? Hmm…
As far as improvements you could make – general mechanics issues popped up a few times, nothing a decent beta couldn’t fix with a quick look-through. I loved your moments with Teddy and Ted. I do wish we could have seen a bit more, but it IS a one-shot…so all I can say is, “Write more!” :D I would also love to draw out the description of the hospital, Healer treatment, and waiting room experience from both Ted and Andromeda’s viewpoints simply because it’s an aspect of the magical world rarely covered and it would add a cool new dynamic to this story’s plot.
As it is, it’s a beautifully well-told tale, and I loved every moment of it! I do apologize for this short review. It doesn’t do the story full justice, but I must leave it be as I have school tomorrow; I have to hit the sheets!
Much love; oh, and my dear, you are THE most awesome beta, so thank you for those two stories as well!
Author's Response: Kumy! SQUEEE!
I'm so glad you liked it..
But SHORT?! *cough* in comparison, my SPEW reviews = "luv da story update plzkthnx".
Anyway, thank you so much for finding my little errors. Commas and I often wage war, and I think too often they win. Maybe I should get you to beta for me for a change!
As for your questions, there is actually supposed to be more to this story. 6 more chapters to be exact. You will see Teddy more if and when I ever get this updated and complete. And yeah, it's funny that I should name her brother Teddy, just before DH comes out and she names her son that. Am I in Tonks-mode or what?!
Thank you so much for the lovely review! *HUG*
Oh, this is beautiful! I really hope it is updated soon! I can tell it's going to be sad already with the apparent loss of Teddy, seeing as Tonks never had any siblings. I do hope you continue with this!
Author's Response: Oh, I'm so glad you liked it. And you had good timing, because I do have plans to work on it this week, depending on my work situation. Substitute teachers either have a lot of time on their hands, or none at all!
yay! a story about Tonks! she's my favorite character!
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it, keep your eyes peeled there will be more.
This sounds like a good openeing to an even better story! I'm really looking forward to it! Update soon!! :)
Author's Response: Thank you, I will.
aww really cute
Author's Response: :)
Hi Pandafan, It's great to see something from you! Really cute, well written, and definitely Tonks. Loved how you had her eye color changing each time she hiccupped! It will be fun to see where you take us for the other segments.
Anything happening on Healing Harry?
Author's Response: I am currently working on chapter 17 of Healing Harry. The plan is to get it finished up before July 21st, but I also have to get Tonks finished by July 7th... so expect a lot from me in the next few weeks!
Aaah, that's sweet. It makes sense that Nymphadora (since the whole family is represented in this chapter) came into the world with as much of a bang as she could make. Nice job and update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you!
How cute! I'm so glad that Andromeda sent one to Sirius. That would make him feel loved by someone in that dreadful family. oooh, is one of the shots going to be a R/T moment?
Author's Response: I am a devout Remus fan, so I'm sure he'll pop in somewhere...
AWWWWWWW! I can't wait for the next six parts now! And look at you, pulling a JKR and giving the main character your birthday! (and mine too!) *hugs*
Author's Response: Ha! Yay! I'm so glad you're the first person to review! What a treat this morning! I'm so glad you liked it. And of course Tonks would have our birthday, we gave her that birthday long ago in Sweet Dreams!
Author's Response: Correction: Summer Dreams* *headdesk*