I loved how you wrote in second person. Not many people can pull that off!
I liked how you used description in the story, too. There was enough for us to feel like we were actually there, but it wasn't too boring either.
The way the Purebloods talked was a bit strange, but I can imagine that they would actually talk like that. You could also tell that they were in love, just by the way they talked to eachother.
I'd love to see more of the story someday!
Author's Response: :) I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for the review!
This was wonderful, even in its simplicity. I could really feel the woman's frustration at her mother and at the rules set for her. You did a great job of bringing her feelings into the light so as to where as a reader I could really understand them. And the little piece of Heaven at the end was beautiful. Great job!
Author's Response: Thnaks :) I'm glad you liked it!
This is so well done. I love the way you wrote with the second person point of view. Not many people use it and it's uncommon, but I think you did a really good job with it. In some places it sounded a bit strange (simply because I'm not used to it) but, overall, it flowed really well.
The way you described things was great, as well - especially the dress and the description of the place behind the wall. I love how you used fragments at that part: "A weeping willow, a bench. Soft grass beneath your feet." Description tends to be long-winded and lengthy, but this was different and just as vivid.
The only thing I'd like to critique is the dialogue in some places - it seemed a little too wordy for the way people talk. Of course, this could be just the stilted way Purebloods talk, but I just thought I'd mention it. Otherwise, great job.
Author's Response: Ooh! I'm glad it worked! The second POV, and the description. I have to patience for long description (unless it bounces up my word count substantially when needed.... :p) But yes, it is just because of pureblood-ness....:D
Yet another wonderful second-person fic! You truly are talented (geez, I sound like a sap...=D) The one thing I want to know, though, is why exactly would her family kill Gareth (that's his name, right)? Because it sounded like this was a present-day fic. *wonders*
I loved the description of the dress; my mouth was watering and I wanted desperately to try it on! Or at least draw it. It sounded wonderful. *sighs* Another delightful fic, I loved it!~
Author's Response: lolol. I am absalutely obsessed with that kind of dress, so I couldn;t help it! I'm so happy you think it was well done! HEr family would kill Gareth cause they're stickler Pure-Bloods, with dark / death-eater ties. And he's muggleborn. If they were caught together.... <3
Wow, that was really good! I thought your portrayal of the characters were excellent! I only wish that this was a bit longer. I would like to hear more of the main chatacter's back story, as well as the masquerade.
I only have one little nit-pick.
"You were watching him. You tell me why."
I don't think it sounds right I wounld omit the second you So it would be: "You were watching him. Tell me why."
I loved this story, it was really amazing.
Author's Response: :D thank you so so so much!
I love it. Nothing else to say.
Author's Response: Thank you!