I really think you should continue! You have really good writing skills, and I love the story. I'm a big fan of D/G.
Author's Response: Thank you very much. I'm so glad you like it... Hopefully, I'll come up with something soon.
First of all, I really do like the way you began. It immediately makes the reader curious, as many beginnings do, but the way you did it was especially interesting. It's both an insight into your Draco's head a view of your setting.
He tried to stop; the pain gripping his chest made it too heard to breathe It's good that you mentioned pain here. Draco's plight may have been slightly diminished otherwise (as with the use of Rona Lee), but it's great this way. Also, was the rock dropped suddenly, or did it feel like it was simply sitting there? If the latter, you may want to consider changing 'dropped' to 'sitting'.
Merlin, I know I'm gorgeous, but can't they see I'm in pain? This line made me giggle! How wonderful. More of your Draco. Do boys think of themselves as gorgeous, even Malfoys? I think maybe they view themselves as more 'irresistible' than anything. Gorgeous works, though.
The introduction of blood is intensely emotional. The only part of it that seems confusing to me is the color of Ginny's hair - is it blood red? Or is that just because it's dark and wet? In that case, wouldn't it be brownish? I'm not really sure how it goes, to be honest. Maybe she has a hood on? It would be clearer if you added a word to clarify, possibly 'large mass of red was hooded hooded hair, glowing darkly in the rain, not blood' or something of your invention along those lines. I hope that makes sense.
Is that the only bloody thing she can say? That's a reasonable thought, in response. Draco's impressively lucid. Ginny's reactions make sense too, however.
He would have sneered magnificently if he wasn’t so damn tired. Isn't he afraid of some mad tortures to which he'll be subjected at their hands, or have they made friends recently? You may want to clarify that, as it seems Draco should be worried about more than just the dirty couch.
The description of Draco's encounter with Ginny goes very smoothly. His first impressions of her aren't exaggerated (he has seen her before, after all), but rather simply observant. Why can't he hear her, if he can hear the rain, or is he past hearing?
And, finally, the ending. Just darkness. *sigh* That was so lovely. Thank you so much! I look forward to your next chapters.
Thank you so much!
I want to start of by saying thank you *again* for taking the time to leave such a thorough review. I really appreciate it, and it's really helpful. :)
Obviously, I'm going to have to go back and change a few things. As for the line "Merlin, I know I'm gorgeous, but can't they see I'm in pain?”, I definitely see where you're coming from. And if you don't mind, I think I might use your suggestion and change 'gorgeous' to 'irresistible' (it sounds much better).
For the hair - I happen to be a red-head myself, and my hair turns to a dark red when it's wet. But you're right; I need to be a bit more specific about that because it does sound off.
As for Draco's response, in my mind, he's already become used to keeping a clear head even when he's physically incapacitated. (This story is set after he's already failed to kill Dumbledore) On the other hand, though, people (er, wizards) do have limits, so I'll see if I can think of something that flows a little better.
Eek. I can't believe I didn't think about that. It sounds like Draco's already 'reconciled' with them all - well, somewhat at least. I'll have to change that.
As for Draco's encounter with Ginny - thanks. I didn't want to start the story off with Draco *suddenly* realizing he likes Ginny. I figured they'd start off... differently. I'm not quite sure what you mean as for why he can't hear her, but I'll try to answer anyway. :) If you're asking about why he can't hear her at the very end, your right, it's because he is 'past hearing'. The way I figure it, he's sort of just slips into unconsciousness. I've blacked out before (I'm a terrible klutz), and I do remember that it seemed sort of like the people around me just got quieter and quieter...
You thought the ending was lovely? Thanks! And... Thank you so, so, so much for taking the time to give me such a nice and helpful review. I really, really appreciate it. :) ... By the way, I love some of the stories you posted here. Just thought I'd throw that in here. :D
Awesome. Keep writing.
Author's Response: Thank you, I will. :)
wowww, pretty cool...update soon please?
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'll try to update soon...
Author's Response: *dons genie costume* You're wish is my command!
Author's Response: Aye, aye, Captain!
nice already and it's just the first chapter too...keep up on the good work
Author's Response: Why thank you! I'll try!
Such a pretty, though unkind beginning. I bet this is going to be worth the read.
Author's Response: Heh. I wanted to at least *attempt* to make the first chapter interesting. I really hope you continue to read an enjoy. :)
Author's Response: Heh. I wanted to at least *attempt* to make the first chapter interesting. I really hope you continue to read and enjoy. :)
Author's Response: Oops. Double response.
Wow..that was a very enjoyable fic! I can so imagine Draco and Ginny being like that.. I was never really for Malfoy/Ginny, but this totally rocked! keep up the great work!
Author's Response: I'm so glad that you liked it! I am *also* glad that you didn't think Draco or Ginny were OOC. You thought is rocked, even though you don't particularly support Draco/Ginny? *is flattered* Thank you so much! :D
ahhhhh!!!!!!!...how can you stop there???..hurry up and finish writing another chapter... by the way I love ur story.....kepp it up
Author's Response: I'm pure *evil*, I know. I'll try to update soon, and I'm so glad that you liked it!
Just enough intrigue to hook you...can't wait for the update.
Author's Response: Why thank you! I'll try to update soon...
omg i LOVE this story! u have to update soon so that i can see where this story goes!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you liked it. I'll try to update soon! :-)
wow i like it. im like hooked after one chapter..i wanna know what happens. why was draco all beat up. why did ginny help him. curiouser and curiouser..(despite my addiction to harry potter i am also roughly addicted to disney :])
Author's Response: You like it? Thanks so much! It's nice to know I've grabbed your attention. That's odd. I'm addicted to Disney too! :-)
that was a.mazing!!! i really hope you update soon!!!
Author's Response: Ah, really? Thank you sooo much! I'll try to update as soon as I can!
it was really good!
will you be posting chaptor two soon?
i'm looking forward to it (:
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'll send the next chapter in soon (I have to revise it). I'm glad you're looking forward to it! :-)
GREAT!!! I can't wait for the next chapter!! *~*CowGirlHPFan*~*
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'll try to update soon! :-)
I like the start to this story. Update quickly please. I'd like to continue reading.
Author's Response: I'm so glad that you like it. I'll try to update as soon as I can. Thank you for the review!
Very funny and interesting beginning! I liked it! I can't wait for your next chapter!
Author's Response: Thanks so much, and I'll try to update soon! Thanks for the review! :-)
You really like opposite attract stories, don't you?
it's a really intresting uptake on a new ship. It's quite good how you hold the suspense of who the red haired girl is and how you express the mutal dislike between the two families.
i like it.
Author's Response: Ah, yes. I do. I think it creates a certain conflict between the two characters that's... ah, well, it creates lots of conflicts... Anyways, I'm very glad that you find it interesting, and that you like it. Thank you for the review!
wow, so cool! I don't usually support Draco/Ginny, but this story sounds way too cool! Can't wait for the next chapter! *hinthint*
Author's Response: Thank you so much! You've been such a wonderful supporter of my other story... :-) I'm glad you decided to give this ship a try for my story's sake. I promise I'll update as soon as I can!