Nightmare is reminiscent of the pace and style of Matarse, which I love. No expositions here, though, just food for the senses, simple and unfettered by pomp, making the elements even more involving and vivid.
You've also turned this dream into a subtle and spot-on character study. For instance, the eerie breeze... a small thing, but something Hermione can't control, and which surprised her, and we know Hermione likes being on top of things, prepared so she can be unperturbed. No one can be warned from a breeze, however. The same way they had no way of being warned about the trap they'd walked in on in the Ministry.The room began to spin at once. Hermione closed her eyes and tried to stand as still as possible; she didn’t realize how hard it was to keep her balance without someone else to hold on to. This is Hermione's difference from Tom Riddle and her similarity to Dumbledore, the other two geniuses Hogwarts has taught. Hermione can cope alone, but only just. She's in her best when she's with friends, and it's for her friends she strives for the best, both in and outside of schoolwork.
Ron being the only other person in the dream is telling, needless to say. ^_^The climax of the nightmare: again, spot-on, Fresca. For someone as goal-oriented as our Hermione, that will definitely be the limit, rather than being at the end of a Death Eater's wand, and only a notch under seeing her loved ones already passed over by said wand.
You really had me with this story, Fresca. I was sitting at the edge of my seat, waiting to find out where she fell to. Very nice twist!
You are indeed a wonderful writer and capture emotions very well. This story of Hermione seems so real like it was taken out of the books itself. I could imagine Hermione actually going through all of this. Though, I would have loved to find out what she was looking for and if this was part of the fight in the Department of Mysteries in the fifth book.
In addition, I was waiting for the tables, etc. that were on the “floor” to fall. It would have added to the horror of being in the Department of Mysteries alone and I think it would added more action and suspense than there already was.
As I’ve said, your writing flowed very well and this was well written. I didn’t find too many errors so here’s the two I nitpicked.
Hermione whispered “Lumos!” and her wand instantly lighted.
The spell should be in italics. (It’s italicized here because the whole sentence is.)
But then she saw something that made her panic even more
For some odd reason, this sentence doesn’t seem like it belongs. The flow of your writing is superb but at this point, there’s something about the sentence that disrupts it. I would maybe fiddle around with words.
Excellent job, Fresca!
lol that was good. you really captured her emotionis.
Author's Response: Thanks!