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Name: FeatherTrader (Signed) · Date: 07/15/07 12:03 · For: Chapter I – Descent to Decay
Very nice! I really like the suspense the first chapter builds. It really hooks the reader. The character descriptions were perfect. I thought it was a good addition to put how the different tensions effected the different characters. I especially liked how you developed Hermione and Ron's relationship. It was really unique compared to most fanfics I've read with Hermione and Ron.

But when her hands gripped his robes, He felt a long object tucked in his inside his pocket.

The he shouldn't be capitalized, and the third his is unnecessary.

Neville shot a glance at Hermione, who's eyes had gone wide in the direction of Ron and Draco's struggle.

This reads, 'who is eyes had gone wide.' The who's should actually be whose.

And where you would find one, you would surely find more.

This was, by far, my favourite line this in chapter. It uniquely and in an almost foreshadowing-like way, told the reader that there were a lot of them. This sentence really adds voice to the chapter.

Overall, this was really well written.

Author's Response: Hey Danielle!

One of the things I like to do with Gauntlets is have multiple characters to guide. After all, it is a story first and an obstacle course second.

I do notice the grammatical errors at about the second or third time I reread it, but I don't like to use betas before I submit. I guess it's an ego thing.

And I did like that line when I wrote it. A bit of subtlety that still gives the story that violent shove into action. You should read the rest, though, and tell me what you think! ^.^

- Jacie the Cat

Name: NikkiSue (Signed) · Date: 05/26/07 23:55 · For: Epilogue -- Awake Once More
Oooh, that gave me shivers. It was nice to see them after the fact as epilogues are often times my favorite oart of the stories. They can tie up loose ends and you did that for the reader here. I liked how they changed their mind about going to see Harry, hehe. I enjoy the friendship you are establishing between Hermione and Neville also, not making them romantically involved (yet) but giving them that common bond.
Very impressive story, Jacie! Best of luck!!

Author's Response: Shivers? Wow... Never done that before..

With them changing their mind, it was more of them trying to feel more normal again. See, they thought that they would feel better of they just stayed in, not interacting with anyone, but then why did they even come back? I wanted to give that a bit more explaining, but I played the subtlety card instead.

And as for the romance thing... That's not happening. *sees a new bunny in corner of his mind's eye*

Well, not in this story anyways..

Thank you so much for these reviews, Nicole. They really brightened my otherwise cloudy day. It's actually one of the few times I've smiled all day, reading your reviews. I can't thank you enough


- Jacie the Cat

Name: NikkiSue (Signed) · Date: 05/26/07 23:47 · For: Chapter IV -- Run!
A rabbit, huh? Interesting. The interaction between Neville and his Patronus was amusing but my favorite part by far was Hermione's description of what she found behind the doors... That was hilarious! Also, I usually have a difficult time following action sequences as intense as the ones you have written but you made them flow quite nicely!

*marches on*

Author's Response: Ha! I do admit, that the rabbit part was fun to write. And I wanted a little more Hermione-ness in there.

- Jacie the Cat

Name: NikkiSue (Signed) · Date: 05/26/07 23:39 · For: Chapter III -- “Oh bollocks...”
Holy cow, that had a lot going on... I can't believe you killed Ron! *sniffles* (this is why I would be useless in SPEW) I had been waiting to see how you would seperate everyone and now I eagerly await to see the fate of our remaining travellers.

The dragon was a great touch. *wishes my version wasn't so narrowly written* Your imagination astounds me, Jace. Now, off to chapter 4! woohoo!

Author's Response: I'm sorry, Nicole.. I just never liked him... and he had it coming....

- Jacie the Cat

Name: NikkiSue (Signed) · Date: 05/26/07 23:31 · For: Chapter II -- Bright Broken Teeth
Okay, before I start I should warn you that I have not read the other reviews. That being said, was this purposly typed this way:
Neville pulled out his wand as the neared the door, as did Hermione.
*Did you mean "Neville pulled out his wand as HE (or) THEY neared the door.(?)*

My favorite line spoken was when Hermione offered to fix his tooth in the midst of the chaos they were going through... true Hermione! Bringing in the use of Fred and George's product was brilliant, by the way. I also loved how you brough Draco's dark side out a bit. Sorry this is so jumbled but I am excited to read the next chapter!
*runs to next page*

Author's Response: Oh, that was just something that I missed in proofreading.. *runs to fix*

Wow! I wasn't sure anyone would notice those little things I put in there. I did want to have a bit of Hermione's character coming out amongst the chaos.

- Jacie the Cat

Name: NikkiSue (Signed) · Date: 05/26/07 23:14 · For: Chapter I – Descent to Decay
Ahhh, Jacie... First of all, might I say that I LOVE the way you brought in more than one person? When I first noticed, I was wondering how you would keep the focus on Neville but you did it and you did it with style. Secondly, I was so very impressed on your use of inferi. I always forget about them! It kept up the pace of the story and made me grasp the endge of my (keyboard) with white knuckles. I look forward to the next chapter.

Oh, yeah... Multiple chapter reviews for my Slyths... *winks*

Author's Response: Hey, Nicole!

As I said before, I do best writing dialogue, so bringing in more than one person was a must for me. Plus, it would be a lot more boring otherwise. The Inferi was something that just came to me. I was listening to Marilyn Manson at the time, so I guess I can see why...

- Jacie the Cat

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 05/23/07 22:06 · For: Epilogue -- Awake Once More
That was a great way to end the story. I like how Neville said it was like a test to see who could come back. It is sad that Ron didn't make it, but I'm not too upset about Draco. At least Neville and Hermione both had someone that knew what had happened. You did a great job with this challenge, and it was truly original. I bet you at least place in this challenge, but you should win!! :) Go Slyths!! Cyns

Author's Response: GUH!! Don't say that! I've been told too many times that I should win, and I don't want to be disappointed. Especially with how hard I'd worked on this thing.

- Jacie the Cat

Name: crazy_purple_hp_freak (Signed) · Date: 05/23/07 17:10 · For: Epilogue -- Awake Once More
*is a Jacie-Gauntlet fan*
OMS this story was just incredible. I loved every bit of it, and you managed to keep the action and the suspense together so well. Congratulations. :D

I know you said earlier that some questions would remain unanswered in this fic but I felt that in this epilogue you’ve tied things up rather nicely. You’ve given us an insight into what the outside world think, what Neville and Hermione think, and what everyone is uncertain of. And in a way, I guess that uncertainty is part of this story, just as Neville kind of says at the end.

Just a teeny pick that I thought I’d point out: “…disturbance within Ministry of Magic headquarters in London has brought a complete uproar among the Wizarding community of Great Briton…”
Here, “Briton” should be “Britain”. Briton is what you’d call a British person – like an “American”. ;)

Something that really surprised me in this epilogue was that you brought the rabbit back in! *squees at Jace’s ability to integrate a story together etc*
I love Tarrance. Heehee.

I don’t know why but in some parts of this story, especially in the epilogue I felt that I could sense parts of Harry in Neville. Or maybe not so much “Harry” but that brave but rational Gryffindor streak ya’know?

I mean, there were points where I trusted an enemy of mine, and there were points where I just knew what to do, and even if I'd never done whatever I was doing before, I just knew how to do it.
This bit is just wow…to me it kind of represented all that was uncontrollable about the world behind the veil – perhaps of how relationships don’t work the way they should, and from the rooms that we saw, individuals can’t even control the way that they think and act in the normal sense. Now that I find pretty scary!

But there's one thing I'm sure of about the other side, and that is that have to confront your personal fears and prove yourself to get back. You know, that could be the reason why the four of us were separated, and why Ron and Malfoy didn't make it.
This idea is really intriguing and I like it. It seems that this fic is partially about untold and parallel stories – this is Neville’s tale yet we are constantly seeing little glimpses into the actions of others, like Hermione’s experiences behind the veil for instance. I like this explanation for why Ron and Malfoy didn’t make it – kind of implying that this was some sort of test maybe? Only those who could confront their fears could return?

Anyway Jace, this story is simply fantastic and you should be really proud! *squees and hugs* Seriously. Awesome. :D I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you to place. :p Good luck!


Author's Response: Originally, I didn't have that final dialogue in there. It was just them leaving and Tarrance hopping off, but then I thought that it leaves too much open and unanswered. I actually wrote that last bit while Chapter III was in queue.

And as for the 'Britain' thing... damn spell check..

Thank you so much for your reviews, Suzie! I had a lot of fun with this.

- Jacie the Cat

Name: crazy_purple_hp_freak (Signed) · Date: 05/23/07 16:49 · For: Chapter IV -- Run!
I think I’ll make a habit of this and start each review with “Wow”. :D

I loff your characterisation – the Neville is always awesome, but I love your Hermione too; she’s kind of less know-it-all and more human, which is really good. I love her tone of voice and the ideas that you give her, awesome!

Neville let out a small laugh when he realized that his patronus is a rabbit.
Heh. I laughed as well. I guess I can see resemblances between Neville and the bunny…but it still made me laugh. :D I really like how original your interpretation of that prompt was. A lot of fics I’ve seen have some ferocious monster being killed by the character’s bare hands etc etc (well maybe not bare hands but still…) Yours is really different and the idea of getting the key off its neck by being ‘nice’ to it is really clever and works so well!

“– and then I get chased around by a damned otter, of all things –”
Love this bit. The broken sentences are awesome – I can just picture some funny movie scene. This also reflects Hermione’s character I think. I’ve always loved the part in PS where she completely loses it with the “there’s no wood!” comment; we see this a bit here too I think. :D I also love the idea that Hermione seems to have encountered her patronus as well! Like a little double-gauntlet. Heh.

..and going through the veil again? Ooh. I really like the way that this is set out – how all the journey seems to be planned and then end up back where they started in a logical way, rather than finishing in some random room which happens to lead to the surface.

Just a tiny overall picky thing; I noticed quite a few spelling errors in this chapter and the previous ones. Maybe just try copying your text back into Word and running it through spellcheck one more time (in UK mode)? :)

Anyway, this story is rather awesome. *runs off to read the epilogue which MQ was squeeing about in the Slyth CR* ;)


Author's Response: Thank you so much, Suzie!

I thought since Hermione was going to get back with Neville, she had to go through just as much as him, so in a way it is a double-gauntlet, I guess.

And I actually don't have Word. I have Open Office Writer, which doesn't have a British grammar/spelling setting. I wish it did.. It'd make things a lot easier.

Mythril is squeeing about my epilogue? *goes to look*

- Jacie the Cat

Name: dumbledorefluertwins (Signed) · Date: 05/23/07 14:59 · For: Epilogue -- Awake Once More
This is beautiful! You've made all us Slyths proud!! Good on you! Seriously, you'd better win after all the effort you've obvoiusly put into this.
I loved that whole "some things should stay a secret" thing - pure genius.


Author's Response: *sigh* I don't want to expect anything, you know, in case it doesn't happen. But then again, I really poured my heart out on this thing. All day at work today I was anxious to get home and see if the epilogue was validated.

Thanks for the support, Evie. I love my Slyths so much.

- Jacie the Cat

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 05/23/07 10:48 · For: Chapter IV -- Run!
Poor Ron! I'm glad that Hermione was able to make it through with Neville. The scene with the bunny was really interesting. I can truly see Neville seeing his parents in the mirror. This has been a very action packed story! I look forward to seeing how you wrap things up! Cyns

Author's Response: I was given a prompt to have my character face his patronus, and I couldn't think of anything else that would fit Neville but a rabbit. But anyways, the epilogue is in queue, so I hope you like it!

- Jacie the Cat

Name: crazy_purple_hp_freak (Signed) · Date: 05/23/07 9:22 · For: Chapter III -- “Oh bollocks...”

Wow. (…again :p ) I really like how you’ve managed to integrate all of the prompts into one in this story – the story so far seems almost like an action movie, scene after scene after scene, which is just breathtaking and incredible.

I love your descriptions.. && you do gore really well. :p
A bloody face, a broken jaw, and eyes that were slightly whited over all coupled with the sudden jerking movements of an Inferi that's been surprised.
I like this sort of idea. I’d always sort of Inferi as purely-dead-emotionless demon-things, and never imagined that they could express anything remotely human…so this idea was pretty cool to see. I like the way you’ve described it as being “surprised”, which gives it a human tone, and then in the next paragraph tell us that this is actually Ron. Wow.

Just one tiny picky thing… “bullocks” - “bollocks” is the more Britty term. :D

Anyway… *Suzie spies another chapter to read* xx

Author's Response: Well, it is the Gauntlet.. I don't normally do action; I daresay I've never really been good at it.

The Inferi, as I see it, was Jo's way of incorporating another fantasy creature into her stories, as she did vampires and werewolves, this creature being zombies. Therefore, being the lover of zombie flicks that I am, I feel I accurately know what an Inferi looks like among the several different kinds of zombies.

And lastly, x.x I wish Mythril had corrected me at the time on the 'bollocks' thing.

Thanks for being so supportive, Suzie!

- Jacie the Cat

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 05/21/07 22:02 · For: Chapter II -- Bright Broken Teeth
Wow, you have done a great job with this story so far. You are the first one I've seen have two or more people go through the obsticles. This is a very original story, and I look forward to reading the rest of your story! Great luck with the challenge! Cyns

Author's Response: I like to have more than one person go through these tasks because, primarily, I'm a dialogue writer. You'll notice that things get a lot more interesting when one person has another to interact with, so I was going into this thinking about who Neville would be with, who'd add some more interest, etc.

Two more chapters, then the epilogue!

- Jacie the Cat

Name: crazy_purple_hp_freak (Signed) · Date: 05/21/07 14:27 · For: Chapter II -- Bright Broken Teeth
Oooh cliffhanger…wow, another fantastic chapter Jace. (And CM’s right, you do do an awesome Neville ;) )

I love all the little twists in this chapter; I’d thought that bringing in Ron and Malfoy at the start was just a one-off, so I was pleasantly surprised when you brought Malfoy back in here. I think it works really well.

“Just over five minutes,” Neville said. After feeling a breeze go past him, he looked up.

“Yes,” he replied, “the gate opens biyearly, so hopefully we'll have five minutes of peace.

These two lines and a couple of things in the last chapter really intrigue me. I’m curious to find out more about what their ‘mission’ is, why Neville knows so much about it, and why Draco too seems to know something, like choosing the right doors for instance. Hmm… hope we find out more soon!

Great job so far!


Author's Response: You'll see Ron again, too, so you know.

Unfortunately, there will be some unanswered questions at the end of this story, but in my opinion, in this story's theme and it's setting, I think it's a good thing to not explain everything. That's all I'll say for now; I don't want to give anything away!

- Jacie the Cat

Name: cmwinters (Signed) · Date: 05/20/07 23:23 · For: Chapter I – Descent to Decay
I know I've said all this before but it bears repeating:

Oh. *god*. I just *love* your Neville. He's not "sexy", so he's woefully un(der)represented in fanfic, which is a real pity because, In general, I love Neville to bits - he's got some ginormous brass cojones, some of the biggest in the entire series canonically but you do him such fantasitc justice.

People say I do a good Snape. I'd certainly hope I do a passing job, as he's all I write, but you absolutely do my favourite Neville. You absolutely epitomise what a writer of a character should be - you just GET him - and God Willing that Jo ever releases this series to fanfic writers, I swear I'd run straight to the store and buy a book about Neville that you wrote.

And . . .Hi. You did a million times better at this Gauntlet than I did. Inferi. *shudder* I"ve no idea how they're goigg to make that lake scene into a PG-13 movie!

Author's Response: First off... HOLY CRAP!! You have absolutely no freaking clue how flattered I am to hear that from you, because I admire you so much! Through this review I'd choked on my soda, my jaw dropped and I momentarily stopped breathing. This is bar none the highest compliment on my writing I've ever received, and I just cannot thank you enough for it.

Oh, and we agree on the Inferi completely! As soon as I read HBP I was telling everyone that I'd be so pissed if the movie wasn't rated R. That and when I read that part of the book, by sheer coincidence, I was listening to Marilyn Manson's score from Resident Evil. BTW, I highly recommend doing so if you're going to read it again before DH is released!

- Jacie the Cat

Name: crazy_purple_hp_freak (Signed) · Date: 05/20/07 13:08 · For: Chapter I – Descent to Decay
Oh my…wow. Well Jace, I’m speechless. This is just incredible so far. So well written and drawn together, so much action. You’ve done a fantastic job!

What I really like about this so far is how, already, you’re turning this beyond just a gauntlet, but into your own story. I’m very intrigued to find out what has happened to Ron and Draco, why there are Inferi in the DOM and why the group of them are there in the first place!

I love your characterisation of Ron by the way – he’s all…panicky. :D

Just a tiny nitpick: It was an Infernus. Do you mean Inferius here? Like, those dead-people things? :)

Anyway, hope more of this is coming soon…I love it!


Author's Response: x.x

I just realised why I typed Infernus.. it's one of the cars in Grand Theft Auto..


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