MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
07/02/07 17:03 · For:
Wow, this is really good. It’s well written and I like the side of Remus that you show. Oh, no I don’t think he is OOC and since Remus is my favourite character I think I would know! This is wonderful and I’ve added it to my favourites. Now I saw a few things that I want to mention.
This: “Remus started at that piece of paper, ignoring the four sets of eyes watching him.” implied (at least to me) that the rest of the Marauders were with him, and had me confused for a fair bit of the fic. I would change ‘four’ to ‘many’, it would make it quite a bit less confusing.
“Happiness was a rare find in his world. Agony was achingly familiar.” I abso-bloodly-lutely LOVE this line. Actually it would be great for a banner for this story. There are a lot of banner threads on the forum, if you want one made for this.
“Even with the great distance separating them and the fact that Remus had his back to him, Severus felt the hint of Remus’ emotions emanating outward.” I think ‘hit’ would be better here then ‘hint’. I’m not sure if this was a typo on your part or you meant to write ‘hint’ but I think ‘hit’ works much better with the feel of the fic.
[“Nothing,” he breathed, pausing for a lungful of the sweet night air. “They don’t have to say why, Severus. They just don’t. None of the other schools have. This one is no different.] You need end quotation (”) marks after different.
[“It’s tempting,” Remus whispered, “so tempting to just end it all, to stop this pain from the hole in me, to make it so I don’t feel anything again.”] Okay the part that’s in bold? It doesn’t make sense. Maybe you mean ‘stop this pain from making a hole in me.’ But I’m not sure...just re-read it out loud and you might see what’s missing.
Okay so I had a few nitpicks but this was still amazing! I hope you write more and I can’t wait to see if you do!
Author's Response: *needs to roll tongue back into mouth and pick jaw up from the floor* Wow! THANK YOU for your comments! This was my first fic ever to be seen by eyes other than mine and it was written in response to personal events that I felt Remus could relate to . . . the feedback is greatly appreciated!
The banner . . . I will TRY to remember that - I need to get those kinds of things, but I'm so easily distracted that I can guarantee you I will forget. (However, I have no objections to people who remind me of these things, either.)
Hit/Hint . . I can see either working - I went with hint to emphasize that there was a physical distance separating them at that moment. The hole . . . again, I can see either working, but the hole I was thinking about was the hole that gets created when something you deeply care about is forcibly removed.
Marauders? Uh, maybe I have to go back and do more work, because they weren't the "four eyes" that it was referencing . . . but again, "many" could work, too . . . ah, the work of a writer is never finished!
Again, thanks so much - don't hesitate to PM me with anything else!
(Signed) · Date:
06/04/07 23:20 · For:
I admit, I did find the characters OOC. However, I still enjoyed this one shot (it is a one shot, right?). The great bits were in the details-- like Remus answering Severus with a big X rather then a hurried word, or Severus snapping at his students when he was preoccupied with his friend's odd response. Little things like that really make a story come to life. Overall I felt like the story belonged in the AU category (which is not a criticism of the style-- I love AU, it is an area where authors really get a chance to try their wings.) I can't see JKRowling's Remus and Severus ever being so close given their attitudes towards each other in HP I-VI. Still, I suppose people can always change with time.
Bravo! Please write more stories.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! :) Yes, it is a one-shot - nothing else has caught enough interest to continue it. One of the things I love about writing is the ability to play with one's imagination and there are many who will say I have an active imagination. I do tend to write with details in mind - I think the few out there that I beta for know this quite well because I'm always asking them to describe details! I knew some people would find Remus and Severus OOC because of how JKR presents them, but I'm glad you still liked the story. AU . . . I'll have to consider that - but yes, people can and do change over time. There are still many unknowns in JKR's world. Again, thanks for the review!
(Signed) · Date:
05/27/07 22:30 · For:
that was so powerful. and i like the idea of snape and remus as friends, now that you mention it.
Author's Response: Thank you! Severus and Remus as friends did strike me as a little odd at first, but they fit so well in this piece. As nice and quiet as Remus is, I can't imagine him maintaining that ALL the time - there had to be some breaks, but only those who knew him would see them. The same idea for Severus - as snarky and sarcastic as he is, there is something others rarely see on the inside. Thanks again for the review!
(Signed) · Date:
05/27/07 20:08 · For:
this is so sad. I don't really think it is out of character, tho I was surprised you made snape lupin's friend. I mean, he was the one in book 3 that told everyone what lupin was and got him fired then. I'm assuming that this story takes place before that book, cuz otherwise it would be really wierd and you don't have an AU warning.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading! I'm glad they didn't seem out of character - that worried me because most fics I see have Remus as the quiet one and Snape as snarky/sarcastic one, but that just didn't work for this piece. Remus may be a "quiet, calm" person, but I believe there were events where that persona cracked.
As for the setting, it is pre-PoA - somewhere between the end of the first war and Harry coming to Hogwarts.
Snape and Lupin as friends - it can catch people by surprise, but even in real life, there are those friendships that are quite unusual. Why should the wizarding world be any different? Besides, there's a huge amount of unknown between the end of the first wizarding war and when Remus came to teach at Hogwarts - that's a great place to play around with ideas!
Again, thanks for reading - and for reviewing!
(Signed) · Date:
05/26/07 22:49 · For:
This is such a great fic -- it's amazing! It really makes me feel for Lupin -- loved the scenes between Snape and him. :D
Author's Response: Thanks! :) Being a wizard doesn't solve all the problems - though it probably helps - but it was nice to show some realism.