Reviews For Cyrus & Ginny
Reviewer: Fantasium
Date: 05/02/08 11:22
Chapter: Cyrus & Ginny

Hello Amel! What a wonderful story you have here; I feel like I can’t leave the page without reviewing it.

Wonderful, yes, in terms of mechanics like language and style; the tale itself would be more appropriately labelled as “heart-wrenching”, I think. A rather embarrassing part of me is currently on its knees, begging you not to let this story end the way you’ve left it here, because, surely, there must be a happy ending somewhere out there? The more sensible (and hopefully dominant) part, however, is busy applauding.

The first thing I must comment on his how well you’ve managed to puzzle the pieces of this story together. I wasn’t confused even once, which is unusual for me when reading fics that switch between different times and settings. ;) The whole piece flows incredibly nicely, and the rhythm of your words is captivating.

Something else that impresses me is how you manage to write third person so… intimately that it feels like first-person perspective. At several points in your story I came across the word “she”, and actually had to backtrack a bit to make sure that you hadn’t suddenly switched the point of view. I think this tells us that you have a great gift for making us feel the emotions of your characters.

Yes, let’s talk about your characters. It takes some effort on my part to look at your Ginny objectively, to compare her to the canon figure we know, when the character you’ve written is so alive and elaborate that she seems perfect. I will definitely not suggest any changes, because this person is what you need for the story – she is the story, in several ways – but I’m still going to point out that I’m not entirely sure that canon!Ginny would react this way if Harry disappeared. Though, in the amazing, heated argument with Harry, you have her perfectly pinned down, perfectly in character. It’s rather a rare thing to see, an author who has taken one of JKR’s people and shaped him or her exactly to what they need, and done it so well that characterisation isn’t really an issue. I couldn’t really care less if your Ginny would contradict Jo’s version (not that she does, particularly), because she’s still excellently written.

And, ah! Cyrus! I can’t decide on my major feeling for him – he creeps me out with the whole jealousy and possessiveness thing, but at the same time I’m sorry for him being a Squib and so often looked down upon, and I like him because some part of him seems to genuinely care for Ginny. To sum up, I suppose I could say that he is a wonderfully complex and realistic OC, and that I admire you for writing him.

The other canon characters you’ve included leave nothing to wish for. Your Ron is, for want of a more original word, amazing. I believe I even choked out an, “Oh, Ron!” while reading; he’s so loyal and wonderful and good.

We don’t see much of your Harry – in the flesh, at least. You have done an incredible job of including him in the fic, from the very beginning, without actually mentioning him. And it’s not just because I expect to hear or see something about Harry in every, single story about Ginny, no, I don’t know exactly how you’ve done it, but you make your reader very aware of the fact that he’s missing from the picture. All of the italicised him references work beautifully.

And when we’re already at subtle things that tickled my curiosity, I must also mention how I like the way you dealt with the ‘S-word’. It surprised me that I didn’t make the connection until I saw the whole word, ‘Squib’, especially since I have a Squib play a rather important part in a future fic of my own. I kept thinking, What does she mean? S-word? What?! while reading, and now I can only chuckle and compliment you on a nice details to keep your readers eager.

My reviews are normally full of quotations of parts I particularly liked, but I find that it’s hard to choose favourite slices of this fic when it’s all so good. However, this I thought was very clever and original:

She hinted at a proposal, once, at his home when he had asked her how she would like her rice: fried or boiled. She had told him she would very much like her rice thrown, but the suggestion had gone right over his head and he only told her he had never heard of thrown rice before, and since he was making dinner for her, she would have to settle for either boiled or fried.

For some reason, I found this sentence to be very powerful:

Cyrus had kept that job for more than four years… from the day they had met, to the day it all fell apart…

I know that the line is about his job, but at the same time it includes so much of their history, and it also pushes your readers forward through the story, curious to know why it fell apart.

Now, I don’t nitpick much these days, but I saw a few errors that I would have liked someone to point out to me, had I been the author of this story.

how Hermione had advised her to get on with her won life because boys were thicker than they looked and had to notice a girl themselves - a typo there, ‘won’ where it should say ‘own’.

He had smiled, and kissed her one last time, before slipping his hand out of hers and ensuring her that he would return to her, even after million days… - it should be ‘a million days’, I think?

You’re telling me you, the Great Chosen One, couldn’t have found a way to inform - here I thought that you might have intended to write, ‘You’re telling me that you, etc.’

I’m sorry that I couldn’t offer more constructive criticism on this story, but there is just very little, nothing in fact, that I think could be improved. Though, perhaps I agree with that earlier review, that the title could have been something to hint at the complexity of the story. But on the other hand, simplicity often works just as well. ;)

To round off, Amel, I will tell you that this is the best story I’ve read in a long while, and that the quality of your writing makes me a very, very happy reader. Yes, part of this reader is still at your feet, pleading for the happy ending, but the coherent part of me would like to than you for a deep, captivating and touching story.

Author's Response: Good Lord, how do I express my feelings over this amazing review! It's really rare to get such an in-depth one and I'm flattered beyond belief. :) Thank you so much for all the nitpicks (I fixed them) and comments (I loved them!) and I'm so happy that you think this is a good story. Thank you, thank you, thank you, a million times over!

Reviewer: Angel Feathers
Date: 01/22/08 13:02
Chapter: Cyrus & Ginny

This is an absolutely beautiful piece of writing, I thoroughly enjoyed ready it. I thought you described the feelings of all characters very well, and that Ginny was very in character. It flowed well, and I love Cyrus - (any more about him around?) my only critisism is that the title doesn't really convey the powerful feelings that are apparant in the story - but overall, a lovely piece!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! The title was actually something entirely different before, but I ended up changing it in the end. It was originally titled Wishing on a Broken Star. I love Cyrus too, actually. :p There is more on him coming soon, because he is a very confusing character and I can't understand how he appeared in my head. :D Thanks again!

Reviewer: A_Pink_lady
Date: 12/07/07 11:59
Chapter: Cyrus & Ginny

wow
That was INCREDIBLE!
It was so intense, i loved how you used 'he' and him a lot to empathise the fact she refused to say his name! so sad though!!
Im so speechless. this is amazing. No more words can describe this. Its one of a kind.

Thank you for writing such a beatiful piece of writing!

Author's Response: You're very welcome! I had a lot of fun writing this as well. :) Thanks for great the review!

Author's Response: You're very welcome! I had a lot of fun writing this as well. :) Thanks for great the review!

Reviewer: zotius_221
Date: 07/08/07 17:51
Chapter: Cyrus & Ginny

Wow...this is a really great story. I like the ending even though it is sad.. :(

Author's Response: Thank you!

Reviewer: Gin_Drinka
Date: 05/26/07 14:11
Chapter: Cyrus & Ginny

Wow. I DEMAND that you write a sequel in which they get together. Lol, kidding, but it would be cool. You write fantasticly, and I loved your story. You deserve the win! It's fantastic, it really it is. That last line was just great...
Amazing job!

Author's Response: Ha, I might just do that! Harry and Ginny should be together. :p I'm glad you liked the last line... I did too! :D

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