Wow, Allie! I loved this. The emotions were wonderful; you could feel them in the phrasing, wording, and even the formatting!
That poem was...wow. It was really good. I really enjoyed it. I love how you portrayed Walburga, we don't see much of her in fanfiction, especially regarding Sirius. I can't find anything to critique. *rips out hair* XD
The way you wrote this really captured her emotions about her son's flight well. You can just feel her anger at him.
You turned your back on us,
You defile what we believe,
You detest your own mother!
Boy- it’s time you leave.
This verse was very powerful. She's had enough, and she wants him to get out. You can see how Sirius got his strength, being raised by her.
Don’t you dare smirk at me, boy.
I couldn't help but smirk here. It just demands it. XD
I also love the prologue, and how you show her change in personality towards Sirius (my future husband) that quickly. =)
Author's Response: Eh hem. YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND?!?! I believe that he is MINE dearie lmao!rnrnThanks for the review, Hanni! *huggles* *has nothing else really to say other than STAY AWAY FROM MY BOY!*rnrnMaybe there should be a class on how to respond to reviews... lol
This poem is... awesome! I loved it, certainly. It has a prologue too; and I loved the idea. Very original. It fits ad blends in beautifully. Lovely job, darling. *squishes*
Author's Response: Thank you, Manu!!! *snickers* (That rhymed!) lol I was going to have the whole thing rhyme, but I got rather carried away lol. Thanks for teh review!
I will be perfectly honest with you and tell you that I stay clear of the poetry section, usually, because sometimes I just donít get it and I am so not good at it. However, you requested a review in our review circle so I thought I would take a look.
By the time I got to the end I felt sorry for Sirius (after I figure out who it was). You portrayed how his mother felt very well, however given the small glimpse of what his mother is like from the HP books, I doubt the opening part of your poem is true. Just my opinion but they probably had an arranged marriage and she only had kids out of a sense of duty, an heir and spare. It took some work and you were able to mention why she was so angry with him but the most compelling part was:
You have your fatherís face, you know,
But you also have what he lacks-
It makes me think she hates because he got out, if his dad isnít compassionate or does not have a sense of humor, then she is miserable in her marriage, but she thinks loyalty lies with the family.
I loved this; it describes how all momsí feel when their kids rebel against them.
Every sin that you commit,
Every piece of slime that you touch,
Carves a line into my forehead
And wears away at years to come
Not that I think this of his friends but there is one friend, that every kid has, that moms donít like.
Author's Response: Thanks, Kristy! *huggles* I chose to have Sirius' mother love him at first (although in a somewhat distant way) to show how much he secretly hurt her when he ran away later. She may have hated him, but I think that the meanest thing that you can do to your mother is either run away, or tell her to her face in all honesty, that she is a terrible mother. Thank you for reviewing!!! *huggles*
Wow Allie, that was so powerfull, I LOVED it. Though we know little about Mrs Black from the books, you seemed to capture her paticularly well. And as far Sirius with all his smirking and such, I think that deep down he really is upset to be leaving home for the last time and you managed to sneak in that feeling. I can't find anything to critique *is going to be a horrible crewer*=Sammy
Author's Response: Haha, that's okay! You're going to be a great crewbie!!! Thanks for the review!
I really like this poem, it's well written and gives us an insight to Mrs. Black. Well done! ^^
Author's Response: thanks! i don't really like walburga, but i can't help but feel bad for her once in a while.
Wow. That's pretty awesome. :) Great job with this one, Allie. I didn't know you were so skilled! I'll definitely have to poke you when this next Poetry Challenge comes around. :D
Anyway, some comments. I loved your use of dashes, very skillful. I also love your line breaks. Overall, your structuring of the poem is just GREAT.
The second to last line, though, really didn't work as well as the rest of it. I see what you mean by the tick reference - leaching life out of her, a parasite, etc - but it just doesn't work well in the poem.
I suggest looking it over and ocming up with an alternative. Other than that, fabulous poem! I'm so happy I got to read it!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review Kumy!
Donít you dare smirk at me, boy.
HA HA love the ending- such a *motherly* thing to say.
I find this poem to be kind of funny but sad at the same time- cuz of how she scolds him and all but it describes the broken relationship between Sirius and his family.
But a rebelís heart was born that day
YUP- that's Sirius. You did such a good way from descibing him, and it seems as if it really is his mother's point of view. Excellent job! ^^
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for taking the time to leave a review!
This was good in an strange sort of way. I like strange though it suits me. Hehe. Good job. 10/10
Author's Response: Good in a strange sort of way... okay! Thanks!