Very well done! I think you did a great job on this poem.
Author's Response: Thanks for the nice review! Glad you liked!
it it so so sad it so so cruel how how did you write this
This is so awesome I love sad poems happy ones seem so pointless anyway I love this poem
mine don't rime
Author's Response: *grins* I can be a very cruel poet. So glad you enjoyed it! I don't normally rhyme in poetry, but the inspiration hit me and I somehow knew I had to rhyme.
Well, maybe for that one line you could say:
Everyday, people try to run away,
All attempt to escape the burning fray.
Then, you're not repeating anything. It just sounds better to me because it smooths the beat and rhythym out.
Oh, don't worry, I like the flower part too. :D
Author's Response: Oooh, I like that idea. Yay! :D
Wow, this is such a good poem. I loved the way you put in the "Ring around the rosies" song. It was so creative. The wording was excellent and powerful. Great Work.
Author's Response: Hey! Glad you reviewed... Even gladder you liked it! Thanks so much! =D
Very well done!!!!!
Author's Response: *squee* Thank you!
Very nice, very dark, lol, good job.
Author's Response: Thank you very much!
Whoa! Laila! Great job! O.o
(Side note: Do you know what the Ring Around the Rosie song was really about? It was about the Black Death in 1350. And now little kids sing it. *scared*)
Wonderful ending. Very creepy. I can't believe how you get/write such great inspiration/poems. This is awesome. I really love it. Very creepyfying. Which I hope was your intent...?
Every day, people attempt to run away.
All try to escape the burning and the fray.
To me, that sounds a little weird. *shrugs* I think the 'attempt' in the first line sort of made the beat a little off for me, and 'the burning and the fray' was a little awkward. I would just change it to 'Every day, people try to run away. / All try to escape the burning fray.' It sounds slightly different, to me, I don't know why. Personal preference, I guess?
I think my favorite part of this poem was the ending. It was just awesome. :D Great job, once again, Laila!
Author's Response: Heheh, is that a 'Whoa', good job or a 'Whoa', this is so dark? (Yeah, ever since I learned that I've been dying to write a poem about it. I told my class and one girl was like, "I'm never singing that with my little brother AGAIN!") It was my intent (since when do I not write dark stuff???). Thank you for the nitpickiness. I was sort of wary about those lines, and actually did have it say 'try' instead of 'attempt'. I changed it because I didn't want to repeat 'try'. It sounds kind of wierd with try both times. But the 'burning and the fray' thing I might change. Everybody liked the ending the best, but I liked the flowers part. *sigh* I have no idea why I like it, though. I guess I was hoping it was surreal. Which it probably wasn't. Aww, thank you! *hugs* You are too sweet, Kateling (do NOT ask).
Ohmygosh you can just imagine creepy little kids singing this. Very nicely dark. It's really well written. Good job. ^^
Author's Response: Little kids dressed in black robes with candles singing in adorable voices.... *shudders* I'm so glad you liked this! Thanks for reviewing!
this is really good! i always hated how grisly the meaning behind that song was, but i can appreciate it more now that i've seen it applied to "Harry Potter."
Author's Response: I actually was morbidly fascinated with the meaning, and slightly shocked, but it made me feel better when it wasn't about disease for some strange reason. Yay, so glad you liked it!
Golly gosh thats dark! very morbib which is what you were obv going for,so its good, well written,
The black, cloaked men take out
Their wands and begin to shout.
Not sure about the last part of 1st line into second, but then thats just me being picky, and who am I to talk? lol, well done! :)
Author's Response: Heeheehee, I love morbid poetry. Nah, you aren't being picky, you're being uber-helpful. Thank you for reviewing! :D
Author's Response: Thanks! Good review!
Oh, this is a very lovely poem. I liked how you worked lines from "Ring around the rosies" in there. I especially thought the last line was a nice way of tieing things up and definately ended the poem with that final bang that all poems should have. Very nice rhyming too! It all flowed very gracefully. Great job!!
Author's Response: Yay, you just made my day! Normally I don't rhyme in my poems and I'm really glad people liked it! Thanks for the luverly review!
That's beautiful! Although, I thought it was "ring-a-ring a roses, a pocket full of posies, atischu (sneezing sound :P), atischu, we all fall down!"? Meh, your version is cooler. :D
Author's Response: *sniff* You are too kind. Yeah, I've heard that version before. *shurgs* I guess there are several different 'Ring Around The Rosies' songs. Thanks!