Awww. I really liked the romance in this fic! It was very sweet. The reader could really feel for Fleur, which is something that's hard to achieve for an author! A thoroughly enjoyable read, which left me feeling all happy! :)
Author's Response: It is difficult to find stories that give Fleur any redeeming qualities...so I got fed up and found some for her! I am very glad that you enjoyed this story, and the accompanying warm fuzzies :)
It’s odd that I should stumble across this story – I actually have never read a Bill/Fleur fic but upon reading the summary for your story, I decided it couldn’t hurt to take a peek. I could never understand Jo’s point in writing Fleur into the Weasley family…nor could I understand how someone like Bill could marry someone like Fleur – a cocky, overly proud girl.
With your story, all of it makes sense now. I love your portrayal of their marriage and it makes perfect sense. I admit I have never even thought of Fleur simply being scared of the Weasleys…or Bill seeing something more in Fleur other than her beauty.
You’ve written an excellent piece here and I loved that you placed it on a mountain across the sunset. The readers can just imagine two figures sitting there, Fleur’s beautiful hair dancing behind her, even more beautiful in the sunset. Amazing job with the setting.
Your characterization of Fleur is one I’ve never read but I love it very much. I would think that she didn’t like the Weasley’s and in return, they grew not to like her either. Her crying because of the fact that they do not like her is a side I’d have loved to see in the books. I loved that you included that but still kept her character spot on. Good job.
“I…I love you and you…you are…so much to me and…I’ve forgotten the rest. Will you marry me?” Excellent touch of comic relief here. Bill’s character is very well written and I loved that he was nervous. It must have been nerve racking to propose to someone like Fleur and I like that you included that nervousness. It would have been simply odd to have him just spit it out without being a tad shy.
I didn’t find many errors but you did have one in the 13th paragraph: Bill back down next to her, putting a comforting arm around her, feeling her head rest on his shoulder. I think you meant to say Bill sat back down… Nitpicky, but it sort of disrupts the flow. It’s one of those small things that people will stumble over and re-read to see what word was missing.
Overall, very well written and excellent portrayals of the characters. Great job!
Author's Response: Aw, thank you! I didn't think people would like this so much! I'm glad that Fleur comes across well; I wanted to figure her out, because I like Bill a lot and I thought she didn't deserve him :).
Also, I will fix that error. Thanks for catching that! I hate mechanical issues, but they always do sneak in.
And again, thanks so much for taking the time to read-and-write this for me!
This was so sweet. I loved how you portreyed Fleur. You hit her character spot on. It was brilliant. The way she almost rejected Bill's proposal was excellently explained and you captured her emotions perfectly.
I imagine that Fleur would be extremely hesitant about becoming part of the Weasley family. But you kept her poised on the outside, while she could have been screaming on the inside, which was so like her to be perfectly poised and graceful.
Author's Response: Thanks! I didn't really like Fleur before, and I decided that she had to have some redeeming qualities. Otherwise, she'd drive the entire Weasley clan nuts for all time-- I hoped they'd have better luck than that!
I loved this so much! It was weird, because I've been reading in Dark/Angst so much lately. The lightheartedness was a nice change!
I liked how Fleur was aware that the Weasley's didn't like her. I had always thought of Fleur as just thinking, "Oh, I'm beautiful, everyone loves me!" but this really showed off a different side.
Prof. Phily assigned us to read this for Character Exploration: First Years and I'm so glad she did. Great job, I really loved this. ~megan~
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I wrote her out of the idea that Bill isn't stupid, so surely she has something to offer; and she was a Triwizard Champion, so surely she's got brains!
Hey, I was just re-reading this because we're discussing your fic at Characters Exploration Class and I found a little nit-pick...
"Bill back down next to her, putting a comforting arm around her, feeling her head rest on his shoulder."
You didn't put the word 'sat' in there... I guess you hadn't noticed, I know I noticed just now when I copied it as a quote, and after like the tenth time of reading the fic.. *giggles*
I'm glad Prof. Phily prompted us to read this fic, I do love it very much!
Author's Response: Mmmph. Grammatical errors. Thanks, I'll definitely fix that later!
Oh my! That was absolutely lovely! *sighs* That was incredible and so romantic! I just love this kind of fics, where you feel all light-hearted and good inside, when you feel as though it is happening to you...
You did a great job with this fic... Congratulations!!!
Author's Response: Thank you! I love making people happy with my stories.
aw! that was a very good portrayal! I can see why Phily chose it for our class disscussion! Great Job Starmaiden!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm honored :D
One word: wonderful. However, I do think that it is a bit short, but I do understand that the fact that it is derived from a drabble can make it difficult for an author to make the actual fanfic longer.
I love how you made Fleur aware of the Weasleys' dislike for her - and how she accepts it but how she reacts when Bill proposes. It also seems like her to say that she wouldn't marry him if she wouldn't be accepted into the family - I can also see her wanting to have a family with bonds like the Weasleys'. On a final note about Fleur - I think that you did a really good job on making her English speech sound like it had a heavy French accent! Bravo, that is something that I woudn't have been able to do easily.
Onto Bill - only one thing that bothers me about him. Even though everyone is extremely nervous when propsing, I don't think that Bill would be quite that nervous - or maybe he would be, just not quite that obvious. Apart from that, though, I think he is perfectly characterized - from his witty last remark about forty-fifth kisses (which reminds me of an old movie I was watching yesterday) to his way of comforting Fleur and dispelling her fears.
All in all, I think that this story is very good and is remarkably unrushed for a story of it's length - and it is wonderfully beautiful.
Author's Response: Thank you! Yes, it's short, but this is meant to be a sort of snapshot -- one moment, as it were. A really tight-knit family is a wonderful thing, but it can be daunting to break into. Fleur is very different, if not downright strange at times, so I wanted her to be able to prove herself and their love.
Left, Right, and Centre was a fascinating story. It was incredibly original and very true to J. K. Rowling's style of writing. The story line was simple yet caused me to sit up and take notice. I was expecting Fleur to accept Bill right away and was remarkably surprised when she refused him!
Because of these subtle twists in the story, you have caused the reader to not lose interest. At first, I was expecting a traditional "Oh, I love you, will you marry me? Of course, *kiss kiss smooch smooch* The End" proposal story but "Left, Right, and Centre" was so different, I couldn't help but keep reading.
The only thing I would have made different was that the ending seemed a bit rushed. I know that you said it was originally a drabble but it still could have been a bit longer. Maybe Fleur could have continued to refuse Bill a bit longer before his whole "they will accept you, by golly" [my wording] speech. Other than that though, it was a fantastic story. Good luck with your future endeavours!
Author's Response: Thank you! I really appreciate constructive criticism as well as compliments -- after all, that's how I become a better writer!
I periodically go on a Bill/Fleur spree, in which I try to use my great love for Bill and my feeling that there is unexplored territory in Fleur to reconcile myself to the pairing. And it usually works, for the length of the story – I think my problem is not with the pairing itself, but the fact that I don’t like the pairing in my own fictional version of their universe, given the history I’ve imagined for them. Nevertheless, you managed to sell me on it through the entire story, so props to you for that.
It had been almost a year since they started dating and he had slowly become accustomed to her. I think this should be “since they had started dating.”
Rather, he might have, if he had not found that she didn’t use her looks to get out of arguments or other unpleasant situations. This sentence made me stop and parse. There are too many negatives, I think. I’m still not entirely sure I’ve figured it out, and I’m not sure if it’s the sentence or me, so I thought I’d point it out and leave it to you to decide.
… there were only two swings with rusty chains and a dirty slide. Silly little nitpick, but on first reading it sounds like the dirty slide goes with the rusty chains, as a part of the swing. As if you’d said “two swings with rusty chains and damp wooden seats.” Switching the order of the swings and the slide, or simply adding a comma, would clear this up.
*giggles* Bill’s proposal is sweet. I love it when guys are up-front about being in love, and when they allow themselves to be awkward without making excuses for it. And I like that this seems to be something Fleur enjoys, as well; she likes the effect she has on him – she sees his awkwardness as a compliment to herself. It had been almost a year since they started dating and he had slowly become accustomed to her. But then he had fallen in love with her, which made her charms more difficult to resist, and she knew it. Nice characterization – that she can openly acknowledge and be proud of the effect she has on him.
I love the idea of Fleur being afraid of the Weasleys – this is actually a part of my own personal fanon for Fleur, and you did a great job with it.
One bit of dialogue that rankled for me:“We veela may be enchanting, but we marry rarely and only for true love. Thus it is tradition that the first kiss is the kiss of engagement, a declaration of love." First, Fleur’s blanket statement in which she lumps herself and all other veela together seemed a bit strange; she is only part veela, and associating herself so firmly with a prescribed action felt odd. Or maybe it’s just that one of my classes has been discussing the nature of prejudice rather extensively and it’s running over into my reading. The other thing about this sentence is that it seemed out of place for a native French speaker, given her heavy accent and unfamiliarity with the language – she has, after all, been taking lessons. Both the sentence structure and the vocabulary seemed a bit above her reach.
“Are there restrictions on second or third or forty-fifth kisses?” Ha! I love Bill’s answer.
All in all, nice job; congrats on reconciling me (at least temporarily) to the pairing!
Author's Response: Hee. Thank you, for the criticism as well as the compliments! I'll fix all those things. I love getting SPEW reviews -- I know I can always count on them to be really worth getting!
Awww, this was really good! I really liked how you explained that there was something behind Fleur's veela-ness through Bill's point of view. Her 'strength' fits perfectly into canon when we see Fleur in the end of HBP in the hospital wing. Great job with this story and I hope Bill and Fleur get a happily ever after in DH!
Author's Response: Thank you! I rather felt that Bill was too smart and has a bit too much common sense to fall for a girl with no personality. And I felt sorry for Fleur, because we really don't see much of said personality. I, too, am hoping that they will have a long and happy life together!
Awww... that was good!!!
Author's Response: Thank you!