MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Icee787 (Signed) · Date: 12/16/07 18:39 · For: Chapter 1
Awesome! You should write a sequel!

Author's Response: Thank you!!! ~ Teresa

Name: pandafan81 (Signed) · Date: 12/08/07 22:09 · For: Chapter 1
Hello Teresa!

This is Amanda, being horribly late with her SPEW requirements, due to a near 3 week block with no internet! THAT was torture, especially since I missed everyone so much. Know that I intended to participate in the thread long ago, and had this review prepared before my internet went down. So you were not forgotten! It took me a long time to pick with of your stories to review, because you have so many wonderful fics up. I can't wait to dive into a few more, especially the ones about my love, Remus. But this one struck my interest so here I am. I am so glad you joined SPEW and hope we can get to know each other better! *hug*

Okay, so I tend to make notes as I read, so here we go...

She was not even half to her door when she heard a knock...
Though not technically wrong, I think the sentence might flow better if "half" was replaced with "halfway".

Minerva really should have taken Divination. Her inner eye had to be better than Sibyll’s.
I love this sentence! It's so in character for McGonagall, her dry wit especially in the face of something so unpleasant, like Umbridge.

OH! I love that there's bad blood between McGonagall and Umbridge (get my pun? Bad blood? Sorry, I'll stop). I love the interjected scenes, but I would love to see more reasoning behind McGonagall's choice. Yes, she says that she doesn't love him, and that she can take care of herself, but I would like to see more of her reaction. Her thoughts, her body language. Show me how she's feeling, don't just tell me. I want to know why she picked her father's ultamatum. What makes marrying a man she doesn't love worth losing a bullying father?

She kicked him hard in the groin, and ran out of the building, laughing at the fact that she was finally free. In the chaos she created, a little girl cried quietly into her lap.
So I love McGonagall's liberating choice. So many women who are abused continue to take it. Because they are undermined from all sides (as Minerva is) but somehow she breaks through, she's stronger, and stands up for herself. But the last section confuses me. What do you mean a girl cried into her lap? She's leaving the ceremony and who is this little girl? Is it metiphorical? If it is, I need more details.

"...the best way to get to you is to hurt everyone near and dear to you. It is much more enjoyable.”
She would never say it out loud in public, but maybe in a one-on-one occurance like this, but this is so in character for Umbridge. Yes, she goes out of her way to hurt a person, but not just the physical person, but the people and situation around her victim. The pink toad plays dirty!

“Stop hurting Albus,” pleaded Minerva. “Stop playing your sick game.”
I don't know about this last piece of characterization of McGonagall. I think by this point, she is able to pick out a bully, and how to stand up to them. I could see her threatening Umbridge rather than pleading with her. Perhaps she could cry when left alone. We all have our demons, our fears and secret shames, And she might break down in privacy. But you redeemed youself with McGonagall going after Umbridge in the end. She would not take this lying down. No matter what.

Overall, this is a very unique formal. You don't give us a lot of background informaion, or imagery. We have to create our own imagery based on the dialouge. Was this a conscious decision? Although I would have personally liked more details, I think the story was solid and gave a very powerful message. It was a pleasure to read and I can't wait to read more of your work!

Author's Response: Thank you! I didn't deliberately add a lot of description. For this fic, I focused a lot on the dialogue, one of my weak spots. So description probably went out the window because I was so focused on the other parts of the fic. ~ Teresa

Name: greeneyes (Signed) · Date: 06/20/07 11:36 · For: Chapter 1
I like this. I don't normally read fanfics centered around Minerva and Dolores, simply because they despise each other, but I like how you've done this.

Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Thanks!

Name: Gin_Drinka (Signed) · Date: 05/17/07 19:39 · For: Chapter 1
Nice. It's very creative, the reason you came up with for why Umbridge is so foul...Poor McGonagall, that does sound very rough. I like the ending the best though. It's good, and GOOD luck! *waves goodbye*

Author's Response: Thanks!

Name: Sly Severus (Signed) · Date: 05/10/07 10:26 · For: Chapter 1
Yay, I'm glad to see this made it through the que. This was such an original idea. I don't really have much to say, since I said it when I beta read it, but I just wanted to say congrats for getting it through because it really is something different.

Author's Response: Thanks for all your help with it. I appreciate it so much.

Name: Ritter (Signed) · Date: 05/09/07 18:20 · For: Chapter 1
Really good story, very intense. nice job.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Glad you liked it.

Name: Slasher2256 (Signed) · Date: 05/09/07 14:32 · For: Chapter 1
Woow...Umbridge has a brother? Would've expected that much out of him. Hey, is this when Minerva comes to help Hagrid and gets Stunned? Anyways, great story.

Author's Response: Yes it is when Hagrid gets taken away. I thought the scene fit well there. Thanks for the review!

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