I really really really love this. The flow was really nice. Very good job, I hope you'll write more peotry!
Author's Response: *tacklehugs Haylee* Thanks! Maybe I'll write more poetry... Thanks for the great review!
I really enjoyed reading this. I'm so glad you included it on the list you sent me. I love the way you repeated watching and waiting throughout the poem. It built up so much suspension, almost like you could personally feel how the people were holding their breath before and during the war.
I myself have never been a poet, but not because of lack of trying. This was an awesome read! Loved loved loved it!
Author's Response: Thank you, Ashley! *tacklehugs* I'm glad you liked it so much. I just sort of wrote it and then realised what the feelings were once I re-read it, so I'm glad you could see something that I didn't at first. *grins sheepishly* Thank you sooooooo much for the review! *huggles* Jamie
I never knew you were a poet, Jamical! ;)
And an amazingly good one, at that. I loved the repeat of the watching, waiting part...it sort of gave it tension. And the stanzas, how you describe waiting and watching. This makes the war seem so...frightening. *shivers* You did great with the imagery, and descriptive words and whatnot. I loved the "happy ending", and the peace after all that waiting and watching. Everything built up and then--peace. :p
Author's Response: *huggles* Thanks, Analisical! You just made my day! I don't think I'm much of a poet, but there you are. *hugs* Thank you again!
That was really great, Jamie! It's such an emotional piece; it made me really think.
I really liked the repition you used with the words 'waiting' and 'watching.' It gave it a slower feel, made it seem creepy and scary. That repition gives it the tiny, subtle touch of fear.
Lovers hold each other close,
Knowing what is coming,
Making every moment precious,
Maybe it is because I am going through something close to heartbreak right now, and because I just watched a romance film, but this part was touching. Really touching. It was just sweet, the way you conveyed love into this poem.
You've included everything, really, and it was just a really lovely and touching read.
Author's Response: Oh, thank you BloodRayne. *hugs for a really really really long time* I needed that right now - just the love of a reader and their appreciation. Thank you. I'm glad you liked it and saw what I was trying to put into it: emotion. Thank you for seeing the love and hope I put into this. Thank you.
This is a great poem – there’s a lot of anxiety and agitation I can feel due to the way you wrote this: repeating the words at the end of the stanzas. I love the way you repeated those words, Jamie. It really made the title more important, and made the poem ave a sense of urgency, and when the ending was different, it made the ending unique from the rest of the poem, and that’s a great way to end a poem.
Small children huddle close together
Not really understanding
The importance of the lives they hold.
I really like that stanza. I’m not sure why – it’s just really…beautiful, to me. (>.< Ack, here we go, all…mushy…or something…) It was just really well done and extraordinarily poignant, in my mind. It sort of had a moral…everyone’s important, or some such fortune cookie thing; however, it was still very well written and thought out. *loves*
Tension builds up in the heart and
People start to wonder.
I think you can cut the word ‘and’ there. It makes the poem flow easier. If you cut it, it’d go something like this: Tension builds up in the heart. / People start to wonder. I just think it’d flow better that way.
Everyone's in confusion and
Time slows to a stop
Same thing here, and if you did cut it, you’d need a period at the end of the first line.
Anyways. Great job on this poem. I really love the emotions and anxiety it portrayed, and I love how the ending was different and…calm. Peaceful. (Hence the last line in the poem: peace.) But anyway. Great job.
Author's Response: Kate! *tackles* Thank you soooo much for the great review! Yeah, I didn' have those 'ands' there originally, and I can't remember how they got there. *shrugs* I may change them. Thanks again! ~Jamie~
I love it! Great fic! MJ
Author's Response: Thanks, MJ! I'm really glad that you liked it.
Oh, yay! I am so glad that this is up, dear. I particularly enjoyed beta-ing (and reading) this because of its originality. It's got such a deep meaning in these lines . . . I could actually see the people in the corners, huddled together amongst family and friends; just waiting for their fates. Congratulations on this poem!
Author's Response: Thank you so much, Lindsey! You really helped the poem. I'm glad you liked it. I was sort of thinking about the things I would do if I knew I could die any second. These were a few things I thought I would do. Thanks again!