insanity is right- i have certainly never fussed about a hairstyle... although i certainly would for harry potter! ginny seemed just a little to vain in the begginning to be in character, but awesome fic otherwise! hope ur doing well as a muggle Healer!
Author's Response: Oh yeah, I know about Ginny's characterisation... I didn't like it myself. I must correct that one... I guess it's high time that I re-read the fic and re-did Ginny. :) Oh, and I tend to fuss over my hair. That's my most valuable posession. :P I'm not a Muggle Healer yet (four years to go to complete the course O.o) but now that you mention it, I wish I were a real Healer. That takes less time and energy. :D
Hello there, Pooja, my love. I'm here to review another of your stories. Well, let's start by saying that this was fun. A nice light hearted fic that deals with that silliest of sins - vanity.
I adored the little details you brought into the story, especially the description of the hairstyle and the intricacies of the potion. Very well done.
I have a few issues with Ginny, who does seem a bit self-obsessed. However, if she's missing Harry that much then I suppose she might get a bit desperate. She seemed rather too vain for a girl who's generally charging all over the Quidditch Pitch. But, I realise this was a story written for a challenge and so I did take the characterisation with a pinch of salt. (and she was rather funny hee hee).
Hermione was well drawn. Knowledgeable, and not just about spells but about relationships too. She was how I picture her. I think you may need to look at some of the phrasing when she speaks. She sounds a bit too formal at times. This works well when she's talking about the potion that they are brewing - because Hermione is a bit of a show-off and does come across as a teacher in canon. However when she's speaking to her friend, I think she'd be less formal.
It was a good fable though. Well done.
Author's Response: Hey Carole! Thanks for the review. I totally agree with Ginny's characterisation. I really wasn't sure of how to carry on this challenge without making her a little OOC, though, so I just stuck to it. And Hermione's speech... well, when I wrote this, I was less conversant with English slang, and frankly, in India, speaking in English means being sorta formal. Hehe. Now I've learned, though. :) *hugs*
Hello, Pooja! This is a very cute and funny little moral-story that you have here.
For some reason the very first bit in which Ginny thinks “Nice to make those puppy eyes for Harry” made me think of the story Little Red Riding Hood in which the wolf says things like “The better to see you with, my dear.” Random…
Ginny strikes me as so funny in the first scene, very vain but in a cute sort of way. I was rather surprised when I read that she had been looking at herself in the mirror for two hours, because it didn’t quite seem like a Ginny thing to do. It makes a bit more sense when you think that it’s for Harry, though.
I was a bit confused by the conversation Ginny had with Hermione; there were a couple of phrases that threw me off:
“it is really getting difficult for me to cope with that split up.”
I’m not sure about “split up”; I think the term you’re looking for is “break up,” because you’re referring to when Harry and Ginny stopped dating, right? Then again, I’m American, so maybe British people say “split up”? Use your best judgment.
“I don’t think Harry will get back by merely noting that you look pretty, Ginny.”
I wasn’t sure how “get back” fits in this context, although I know what you’re trying to say. Perhaps “I don’t think Harry will come back merely because he notices…” or something like that?
I think you did a good job characterising Hermione in this story.
I liked the fact that Hermione used the word “frolicsome.” It seems like a very aloof word to use, just like Hermione might were she annoyed with Ginny’s behaviour.
I also liked the way Hermione reluctantly agreed to help Ginny brew the potion, even though she regretted it later and even though she said she could not interfere. It reminds me of the way Hermione always helps Harry and Ron with their homework, even though she scolds them and says she won’t.
“The Drought of Desire”—I think the word you’re looking for here is “draught”. A drought is a long period without water; a draught is a drink. :)
I was impressed by the way you took the time to come up with a list of ingredients and a series of steps to go into the potion, instead of just saying something like “Hermione and Ginny put all the ingredients in the potion.” It makes it more interesting.
It’s so funny the way this story wraps up neatly at the end with the little moral that Ginny learns. It almost makes it sound like a children’s tale.
Very sweet little piece! I liked it.
Author's Response: Hey LiLu! Thanks for the lovely reveiw! Hehe. LOL for the wolf thingy. :D About 'split up', I'm not sure, but isn't that a common teen phrase for break-up? I'm not sure now that you've said it... I must try and find out if it's quite British, though. :) Oh, and I'll go correct that spelling error just now... thank you for all your suggestions! *huggles* :)
I think this is good. But a bit of constructive critism. It makes Ginny seem really vain and slightly arrogant. Just my POV . But it was good.
Author's Response: This wasn't really a serious story, as such. But I like it when people deflect from the usual 'oooo! It was the best!' and criticise my stories a bit. Thanks for the review!
Very amusing, Pooja! I thought you were going to turn Ginny into a Sue for a parody, but that was a very funny twist at the end. Ginny ... with brown hair!? *giggles at mental image of a very shocked Ginny*
Author's Response: Oh thabks a lot, Mini, the review really made my day! Thank you so much!!! :)
No offense, but it wasn't that funny.
Author's Response: Oh, then could you please suggest the right category for this? I'd like to know :)
Very nice! I like it!!
Author's Response: Ooh, thank you. I'm so glad! :)
This is THE best thing that you have written! I love it! It shows that girls shouldn't be worried over what they look like; just what Jo said herself! Great fic! ~MJ
Author's Response: Oh thank you so much, MJ, I pretty much agree with you. Girls shouldn't be worried about their looks! Thanks for reviewing! :)
Wishes do have ways of going awry. Very well done.
Author's Response: Ah, thanks for that! I'm glad that you liked it!