I still think Pettigrew is a git.
I felt your story was very well done. It evoked the feelings of the downtrodden Peter and explained why he felt the need to revenge himself against the "great" James Potter. It was heartless of Potter to tell him that their great "friendship" was based on a joke.
I think you did a great job, too, of using canon, but turning into your own device.
All in all, I enjoyed it very much.
Wow. Congratulations on winning first place - it was certainly deserved! This story paints a picture that backs up Snape's worst memory - a memory that shows James Potter to be nothing more than a bully preying on others for mere sport.
This line was, to me, the darkest in the entire story and completely explains both how Peter became a Marauder and how he could possibly think of betraying the Potters:
“And you’re lucky it wasn’t you, Wormtail.” He stared at me; his dark eyes were full of malice. “Had I not accepted a dare from Padfoot, you would never have become a Marauder. If he hadn’t dared me to take you on as a charity case.”
What a knife to the heart! Anyone who has ever been so thoughtlessly hurt by someone they believed to be a friend knows the overwhelming hurt that quickly turns to hate and desire for revenge that Pettigrew felt. I thought that was brilliantly done.
The entire story was well thought-out and well-written. Great job!
Ah yes... revenge is a dish best served preserved, hidden, the out with a BANG!
Very nice. I'd like to see more Pettigrew stories. This one makes a lot of sense, and I can see how he could have easily been swayed... Alas, his role within the Death Eaters hasn't changed at all from what he was with James, but that's undoubtedly because of his nature.
Insecurity, this was a wonderful story! I cannot tell you home much I enjoyed it. You writing style just drew me in! I really think this story should be a strong contender to take top honours in the challenge. Well done!
I loved how you wrote Peter here. I especially liked the parts about the different kinds of bullies, the hallway bullies, the classroom bullies, and the Gryffindor bullies. I also loved how you portrayed him loving the fact that he had friends and felt part of something for the first time in his life, only to end up feeling as though it was all a farce. It’s the kind of thing that would make a person feel so rotten inside and believably drive them to say … the dark side. The part where you wrote that his friendship with James was no different than being the lab rat for the Slytherin Bullies was great!
I also really liked how you had him take to Snape, someone with whom he could identify. It makes sense that Snape would be able to aid him in the transition between sides.
Great work! Good luck in the challenge!
It was good. Too good, kind of creepy. I don't mean this as an insult. I mean that everything was made so clear that you could really see what the rat's twisted thoughts were. It's the thoughts themselves that are creepy though.
Author's Response: Thank you! The story was intended to creep you out. I am glad you enjoyed it
I thought this was an interesting take. It was well-written and I liked the way you set it up, but I'm a bit biased. I love James and hate Pettigrew, so I found it difficult seeing things from his perspective or sympathizing with Peter.
I do think the piece was powerful and I liked the formality you used about it, but I found the way Peter referred to James as 'Mr Potter' somewhat strange at the same time.
"And, yet, there is such an irony to it all, for he is the boy I am going to kill."
"Well, James, my old friend, it will be done."
Those two lines gave me chills. There was just something about them; the thought of killing someone, of being so angry that you want his or her blood is just... frightening.
I guess I always pictured James (and Sirius) as someone who valued friendship and because that's how I've seen him for so long, it almost feels as though he is OOC in the story. Of course, he isn't, for we don't really know anything about him, but it just feels that way for me.
But, I do think you have a wonderful style and you really captured everything. You were descriptive and the story had a certain vibe to it. It was very good!
Author's Response: Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it despite it being quite a negative portrayal of James. My main objective was to show how Peter wasn't mentally stable; most of what he was saying about James came from this corrupted obsession he had. I started off with the phrase "Mr Potter" just for sarcasm and then realised that it might be something Peter would call him in order to distance himself from his 'old friend', if that makes any sense.
never thought of peter being this vengeful, always more passive in betraying james and lily