An excellent composition, but very chilling.
Author's Response: sorry I've been off mugglenet quite a while! Thank you so much for your time and comments! (: Yes, I suppose it is rather dark, isn't it? I'm rather glad my writing gives off vibes though! Always gives me goosebumps to see people can find emotion in my work.
I'm reviewing again for my poetry class on the forums. I chose this because it is one of my favorite poems. :]
The title is pretty open and broad, and I think that helps catch the reader's attention because they wonder what exactly is "drifitng."
You repetition of the first stanza at the end really gives the poem a circular kind of effect, because you introduce the reader to the description of "those who lost the will to survive" and what became of them and then you show how the narrator ends up with the same fate. It really gives closure to the poem. Great ending.
The fact that you this poem divided into quatrains really gives it a nice rythm, so kudos for that. =]
I also really liked the way you used mataphors to enrichen the poem...
"Puppets of the darkest master,
Doing his bidding oh so black..."
Really sums up what the inferi are in the book.
"Deceived by the poisoned kiss."
Poisoned kiss-- very chilling way to describe the attraction these people had to death.
I liked the window phrases and vocabulary you chose to use in this poem, especially in the metaphors mentioned above. They really give the poem a chlling tone. A line I especially liked was...
"Tears fill up the blackened water"
Just the way you descibe the setting paints a nightmarish and at the same time beautiful picture in my mind.
Overall, fantastic poem, please write and post more soon!
Author's Response: My computer is finally fixed and I come to see this? Oh my gosh! I am honored you chose my poem. I thought they were NOTHING compared to yours! Wow, thanks. I'm so speechless! ^-^
Hey, it's Honey! :D Wow...this was really a beautifully written poem...Keep up the great work!
Great job! The poem was well writen
Author's Response: Thank you. Mainly, it is thanks to my beta, irishblueeyes. She helped edit my stanzas where they needed work. She gave me ideas to help the words flow, and that's how I got here. It's amazing, thrilling to know that people enjoy my poetry. To all my new friends here at mugglenet.com, I will continue to write for you.
Ohmy... How dark! But dark in a beautiful sort of way! This is so amazing.... and to think that this is the first poem you've posted. I cannot wait until you post more. I like how you capitalized Death and how you repeated the first stanza at the end. It's such a great poem... you should definitely write more soon.
Author's Response: Yes, thank you. It started out as some different style poem, but then I thought "It kind of sounds like Voldemort's lake." It took three tries for this site to accept it so I'm very excited. Thank you again very much, I am very proud of my works. I hope they will be as good as yours some day!