MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: x_pureblood_x (Signed) · Date: 06/01/08 23:04 · For: Really Worth it?
haha i sure did!!
the first one shot i've ever read. not a huge fan of them but i must say this was excellent and ill probably be reading more one shots from now on thanks to yours :)

Author's Response: Well, in that case, thank you very much! ^^

Name: x_pureblood_x (Signed) · Date: 06/01/08 11:51 · For: Really Worth it?
lol idiot woman

Author's Response: Um...ok. I hope you liked it, though. ^^

Name: Fifth Fountain (Signed) · Date: 04/05/08 16:31 · For: Really Worth it?
Great story! I have always seen Cho as the witch with the closest ties to muggle dealings, and I always imagined her marrying one, (or Harry). Maybe JKR thought that way too, because she said he married one, and maybe you as well, unless you already new that was what JKR had planned for her. I also see her as fragile as she is in the book, and yet determined and resilient. Thanks for the read!

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

Name: Phoebe Gruzelier (Signed) · Date: 01/17/08 5:32 · For: Really Worth it?

This was absolutely fantastic! I think the characterization was what I loved best about it. Cho seemed like a mature version of the girl we see in the books, which I guess is what you're aiming for? I'm glad you didn't make her hysterical and constantly crying. She cryed a lot in OoP, but she was a TEENAGER then, so has the right to be hormonal.

I wanted to thump Paolo, which I guess was the right reaction. However, he wasn't so evil I couldn't see why Cho liked him.

The only criticism I have to make is their first meeting. It was a little...cheesy, and didn't fit in with the harsh, grittyness of the rest of the story. Love at first sight isn't really something I go in for.

But, apart from that, truely amazing.

Oh yeah, and thanks for writing a story where Cho isn't a Mean Popular Girl. It makes a nice change!

Author's Response: Ah, the first meeting. Yes, looking back, I realize I should have designed a flashback that alluded to their future relationship, instead of so blatantly stating it. It goes against the tone of the rest of the story, in my opinion. And thank you, of course, for your lovely review!

Name: FaunaCaritas (Signed) · Date: 12/14/07 22:02 · For: Really Worth it?
Poor Cho. I think you choose the right female HP character for this story. She is an emotionally broken girl, and I don't think anyone cared for her properly after Cedric died.

This story felt like a cautionary tale, and I don't mean that in a bad way. You never once had to say 'Cho is being manipulated,' we just knew it was true. It is such a shame no one really understood her. Even her mother didn't seem to be handling the problem as well as she should have.

I liked the fact that you ended the story where you did. The reader feels sure that she will either loose the baby or mother and child will continue to suffer abuse. Hopefully someone will eventually really help her heal her heart and mind.

Anyway, these are probably things you know already. After all you are the author!

Thanks for the great read, BloodRayne.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words, Fauna!

Name: Gin_Drinka (Signed) · Date: 11/13/07 18:19 · For: Really Worth it?
Oh, how sad. I liked it very much, and quite agree that it deserved the win! I like the way you left it open. That we can think what we want about what happens next. It was all very realistic. And even though most of us can't understand what makes people, like Cho, stay with abusive husbands, I can see this being a perfect reason. Great job!

Author's Response: It didn't actually win...second-place, but still. ^_^ Thanks so much!

Name: DarkJoker (Signed) · Date: 10/27/07 3:51 · For: Really Worth it?
thus...another Severus Snape is brought into this world...

Author's Response: I guess you could say that...I hope you liked the story.

Name: Marauder by Midnight (Signed) · Date: 07/14/07 18:32 · For: Really Worth it?
A real breathtaking story that really looked at all the sides of alcoholism. Not many stories, fanfiction or otherwise, do that very well. Yet you picked an important character who allianced herself to the weak man and you portrayed her growth as a human very very well.

I like how you weave in Cho's happier memories in the times when things aren't going very well for her. You contrasted the sweetness of their first meeting very well with the beating Paolo was currently administering to her.

Paolo's switch from beating his wife and showing concern for her are also characteristics of the alcoholic which you, again, show magnificently. The transition between the two are choppy, though I'm not sure if you did that on purpose or not. It would be interesting for Cho to see that change in his facial expressions, and I think it may contribute a stronger image than what you have already.

Yun knowing about how Cho was being beaten and not doing something about it doesn't seem very motherly. True, it is Cho's life after all, but I doubt Yun would sit by and watch her precious daughter get beaten, no matter how much she's thinking, "I told you so." I certainly wouldn't let such a thing happen to any of my family members, and whether they like it or not, I would get myself involved. It would have been more believable to see Yun play a more active role in not only protecting her daughter but showing concern for her. Cho doesn't strike me as a person who comes from a haughty, proud family, so it doesn't make much sense for Yun to stand by like this.

I've also been wondering about Cho's disconnection from the wizarding world. Why would she distance herself from magic so? She works in a Muggle school, she lives very much like a Muggle, and she doesn't even use magic even in defense. Is there something about magic that she doesn't like? Is it because her husband can't do magic so she does her best to live like he does? It disturbs me that she didn't even want to defend herself from him with his wand. Your portrayal of Cho just makes me want to shake some sense into her.

I hate how this story has ended. From the tone of the last few paragraphs, it seems like Paolo wouldn't keep his promise, and perhaps life would worsen for not only Cho but her baby. Again, a good dose of sense would do her well. The ending, however, isn't definite, thank goodness, so many - just maybe - things turn out all right in the end.

Being the nitpicky person I am, I found a few punctuation mistakes scattered throughout your story, but I won't point them out. They don't distract from the story at all, and a comma out of place won't bring the universe to a grinding halt.

A lovely, well-written story. You deserve the award you received for it (I forgot what it was xD). The wording of Cho's thoughts throughout the story was brilliantly done; everything in this story fit together and flowed so well. Congratulations.

Author's Response: Thank you, Beth! About Cho's disconnection from magic, she usually doesn't have the heart to use magic against a husband who can't. It makes him feel inferior, and Cho doesn't like feeling she has more power over him. When she does attempt to use her wand, Paolo smashes it. Thank you for this amaing and well-thought out review!

Name: XPadfootxlivezxonX (Signed) · Date: 07/08/07 7:03 · For: Really Worth it?
I thought it was awesome and sad! I just want to know hat happens does he stop? Well it was really well written you really got the emotion!

Author's Response: Thanks! As for if he stops abusing or not, I'll leave that up to you to figure out, since I myself am not sure. That's what open-ends are for!

Name: Valentinia (Signed) · Date: 07/04/07 8:45 · For: Really Worth it?
Optimistic to the very last... *sigh*... This fic was brilliant, though, the reader could really understand Cho's thoughts even when they were conflicting and even though the reader sees how fruitless all of her hoping is. At the end, your really hope that maybe he will change, but really, you know he won't. A very sad fic, but very well done!

Author's Response: I'm happy you liked it! Thanks so much!

Name: Alecto (Signed) · Date: 06/22/07 12:40 · For: Really Worth it?
I thought this was a great story showing all of cho's emotions in full technicolor. However i would have loved it to go on to another chapter as i thought you left it a bit abrupty at the end and rushed it.

I thought also that you should have used the baby aspect to take the story somewhere, as i felt that although it was a great piece i found that it never really progressed until right at the end and then unfortunately it stopped.

But i'll wait in hope for more chapters to see what happens next! :)

Author's Response: Well, the story is meant to be a cliffhanger. No more chapters, sorry, but I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the review!

Name: _Ivy_ (Signed) · Date: 06/15/07 12:40 · For: Really Worth it?
Wow, this is so painful and powerful. I nearly began to cry by the end. You captured the scenes perfectly and with such emotion, too. I felt as though I was watching it all happen *shudders* .

I loved your characterization of Cho. However, I was slightly surprised that she wasn't ever crying hysterically. We learned she let her 'sad' emotions get the better of her in the fifth book. Did she grow out of it?

I'm so glad I clicked the link to this on your siggie. I was blown away by the extravagance of it all. All in all, excellent work!


Author's Response: I can't believe the siggy thing actually works...About Cho, I guess you could say she has used up all her tears ;). Thanks so much for the review!

Name: Hypatia (Signed) · Date: 06/09/07 21:48 · For: Really Worth it?
I found your characterization excellent; from Yun’s attitudes towards Paolo and her daughter, to how Paolo tries to justify his abuse. I’m especially impressed with Cho’s inner struggle, choosing between her love for her husband and her own safety. I found it interesting that she didn’t even think about how Paolo’s outburst at the school would show that either his drinking problem has degenerated to the extent that he’s now drunk during work or that he always had a problem controlling his temper.

The only thing I found a bit odd was that Cho seemed completely shocked to discover she was three months pregnant. I would have thought she would have at least been suspicious by the three month mark. Perhaps an explanation that she’d lost track of time due to the problems with Paolo would help, or making the pregnancy only be in it’s first or second month.

An excellent job overall and I’d be very interested in reading a sequel once the baby is born, especially if her decision to stay with him changes.

Author's Response: Thankies!!! As for the three month pregnancy, it's just, in films women are always discovering that they are three months pregnant and they never had suspicions. Ah well. Thankies for the review!

Name: hpluver365 (Signed) · Date: 05/27/07 22:40 · For: Really Worth it?
Wow. That was a great piece. I’m speechless. That was definitely one of the most powerful pieces I’ve read today, and I’ve reviewed over ten pieces today. Honestly, that was absolutely amazing. I really loved the life lessons you weaved into this fic. When I read something, I always love to learn from it, and your fic re-enforced the lessons my parents instilled in me as a small child – and are still instilling in me as a teenager! One of my favorite lessons you mentioned was brought to life in this line:

[i] But then, life is full of ‘ifs,’ and they are all obsolete. [/i]

Before I continue, I would like to point out one dialogue error.

[i] “Cho, are you alright?” He asked worriedly.[/i]

The “h” in “he” should be lowercase.

Continuing right along, I would like to mention this one line two lines that made me laugh. In a sea of horrible concepts, you still manage to slip something funny in there! Brilliant! It reminds me of a funeral speech. They’re always so much better when they are funny because they cheer everyone up. First funny quote:

[i] “Well, I don’t know why you feel compelled to label it, but yes, I suppose it would be considered that,” he muttered uncomfortably. [/i]

Typical! I love it! That is the perfect portrayal of the awkwardness of asking someone out and the nervousness enveloping the situation. However, because of how, for lack of a better word, cliché it is, its hysterical!

[i] Yun handled the situation briskly. “My daughter fainted a while ago. We want to know what the problem is.” Her tone clearly indicated that he was not to ask any questions. Slowly, Dr. Wayne nodded and the checkup began.[/i]

I have absolutely no idea how you did this. Here you are, discussing a serious concept, but its funny! It’s the mutual agreement between Yun and Dr. Wayne not to ask questions that puts me in stitches. I can’t figure out why. It must be the way you wrote it - you’re such a fantastic author…

Finally, I would like to discuss the last line of this fic.

[i] Or at least…she hoped he would.[/i]

So suspenseful! It leaves the reader dying for more! You could not have a better ending phrase! With that last line, you could easily write another chapter. *hint hint*

Overall, fantastic job! I never realized us Gryffies had so many great writers amongst us!


Author's Response: Thanks, CJ! I don't think I intentionally included humor, but if it's there, I would like to think of it as subtle irony. ;) Thanks again for the review!

Name: cocomaloco (Signed) · Date: 05/27/07 6:35 · For: Really Worth it?
aaaaaaaawwwww its both sad and well i cant say happy, but theres something else...hope? its genius! perfect balance between his rough side and his charming sweet side, loved it!!!

Author's Response: Thanks so much!!!

Name: babekitty_92 (Signed) · Date: 05/12/07 7:40 · For: Really Worth it?
That was so sad. I could have cried because of how emotive it was. Well done.

Author's Response: That's a good thing- making people cry, I mean. ;) It means the story is well written. Thanks for the review!

Name: greeneyes (Signed) · Date: 04/27/07 20:45 · For: Really Worth it?
I hope this is a chaptered story! *crosses fingers*

I don't usually read fanfiction about abusive marriages, but you've managed to handle this very well. Good job!

Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Nope, not chaptered. Glad you like it, Jordan!

Name: Jazzbones (Signed) · Date: 04/27/07 15:30 · For: Really Worth it?
Good writing. I always wonder how someone so smart can be so dumb. Why would Cho settle for such a twisted vision of "love"?

Author's Response: When you love someone, you're blind to their faults. You see the good, because you know that they are good on the inside. Thanks for the review!

Name: Ron x Hermione (Signed) · Date: 04/27/07 13:35 · For: Really Worth it?
This was really one of the best fan fiction stories I have ever read, and I truly mean that. Wow . . . the emotions, portrayal of characters . . . you're an amazing writer, dear. This is a wonderful, sad story.

Cho winced as she ran her fingers over the swelling bruise above her left eyebrow. It was a sickly yellow-green color; the color of an almost healed injury. Paolo hadn’t been quite so angry that night. At least, not angry enough to warrant blood or broken bones.

Oh, this is just so sad. I do hope that you aren't speaking from personal experiences with this. While this is a wonderful start, it's terribly heartbreaking and depressing. But you've got a nice evening out of the description, and then getting across what you're trying to say. I knew exactly what you were talking about.

Suddenly Cho realized what she had done: she had used magic against her husband, a Squib; she had used magic against a person who hated it with a passion.

I have one question. I am curious as to why Paolo hates magical people with a passion. You say that he hates them, yet he married Cho. I can see how you've addressed that, but it still seems kind of odd. I know that someone would not keep a secret about something that huge from their spouse, and Cho didn't. But, if he was a Muggle, then he wouldn't know about them, and since he married Cho, he should love them, right? But I'm torn between thinking that he is Muggle and a Squib . . . you've stated that he is a Muggle at one point and Squib in the other. So, what is he? :) If he was a Squib, then that would lightly explain why he hated all magical people--- he might hate them because they can do magic and he can't . . . I would have a bit of a grudge as well if I couldn't, but I just wanted to let you know about that.

I don't usually read fiction with characters we rarely see in the books, but this one with Cho Chang was amazing. Even though we didn't see a lot of her in the books, I think that you have her portrayed very nicely.

I think that you've also written this very well, too. I could actually see Paolo walking inside the house, drunk, with a bottle of scotch in his hands ---- I could actually see Cho and her mother sitting down on the couch and her mother forcing herself to look at her daughter's bruises --- and I could see Cho and Paolo making up (?) at the end in her hospital room. That's a sign of a great writer, if I can see it that clear in my mind that way.

“You’re pregnant, Cho. You’re three months pregnant.”

“There’s nothing tying you to him except your love.”

Oh, wow. The sentence on how she's pregnant made me get chills. That's really hard for her to have to choose between. If she's pregnant, then she's going to want to stay with her husband, but he abuses her. Even at the end when he promises her never to hurt her or drink again, she wants to believe him. And to think that she was pregnant when he basically raped and knocked her around, still!

This was Paolo, her Paolo, how had she ever considered leaving him? He would change; he wouldn’t hurt her anymore, for fear of hurting their child. He would change, Cho was sure. Or at least…she hoped he would.

I think that you meant to have a semi colon instead of a comma after the second 'Paolo'. But this was a very heartbreaking, but . . . happy?ending to this story. You've left the readers to figure out for themselves if Paolo is really going to be good to her this time or not. It's always nice to see certain types of fictions ending with bits of mystery. You did that perfectly, and I am proud to say that I have read this story. I am going to recommend it in the Fiction Junction. :)

Wonderful work--- I can tell that you put a lot of hard work and dedication into this story; it shines brilliantly when read.

~Lindsey :)

Author's Response: WOW. Your review has left me speechless! I can't believe you liked it so much. You've really made me smile and made my day! Paolo is a Squib, and Cho didn't tell him she was a witch until after they were married. Sorry that didn't come across clearly. Thank you so much for this amazing review, and I'm so happy you like this story; it's very close to my heart.

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