Aw, that's pretty cute. :) Both characters are adorable, and they respond to each other in a normal way :) I liked the way you captured the relationship between them.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Aw, that's pretty cute. :) Both characters are adorable, and they respond to each other in a normal way :) I liked the way you captured the relationship between them.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
This was very surprising! I was not expecting it to be Harry and Pansy and Draco and Hermione’s children when I read the summary.
It’s a very interesting pairing you’ve got here, though. Usually fics that are based around Potter and Malfoy pairings are filled with conflict between the parents and the children to begin with, but I like how you’ve done this. Short and sweet.
However, I think you could have done much more with this fic than you have. You write very well, but I think the plot could have been expanded another 500 or so words, and it would be much more enjoyable to read. You seem to rush through things. When Triton hesitates before entering the garden, he’s really nervous, but then barely a minute later he’s asking her out. That doesn’t seem very plausible.
Also, you don’t really explain much about why they’re becoming friends again. I can’t really see them sitting in the garden and becoming friends straightaway, after all the time they’ve spent apart from each other, even if they used to be really close.
I think you should put more detail into the fic. You have it in some places, but in other places it’s lacking. Spread it out a little. Detail is what draws readers in. If everything you’ve written is just to get to the end of the story, it becomes a little boring. Maybe you could put in how worried Triton is about her reaction when he asks her out, or how pleased Estelle is.
Your dialogue is excellent, though. I laughed aloud when Triton started to babble on about his crush. It was very cute. It all seems so lifelike, and you can imagine them saying it in real life.
The last paragraph was absolutely breathtaking, especially the final line. I love it when stories end so beautifully, because it lingers in your mind long after you finish reading. It was a wonderful choice of words, and I loved how you referred back to the garden.
Well done!
~Jennifer
Author's Response: I know it’s pretty short; plot has never been one of my strong points. ;) Plus, this was for a fic exchange, and I was working with a deadline. I know that's not an excuse, though. =] I really like your suggestions. I should go back and add to it and flesh it out more. I realize that there are definitely problems with it, but I’m glad you enjoyed it anyway. Thanks so much for your review and for the advice, Jennifer!
really mixes feelings about this fic... i like what happens in it, and its beautifuly written, but i dont see Harry and *Shudders* Pansy Parkinson ever getting married. I just read a fic called "potions" about hermione and Draco that was well written so that fresh in mind that pairing did work for me. I hope you continue to develop your writing becuase you are quite skilled and i'm sure people would love your pairings, even if I prefer Hry/Gn :-)
Author's Response: I wrote this for a fic exchange, and my prompt was to write about a child of Harry and Pansy's with a child of Hermione and Draco's. I don't actually ship either of the two, but it was a fun challenge for me. I'm glad you liked how it was written, even if you don't agree with the pairings. Thanks for your review!
*tear* OMG, how touching.
Author's Response: Thanks for your review! ~JBV
