MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: ravenclawmoon2001 (Signed) · Date: 08/13/08 15:27 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed
Since you obviously like riddles, lets see what you make of this one!:
Black we are, and much admired
Men seek for us, if they're tired
We tire the horse, but comfort man
Tell me this riddle, If you can!
(Love the story, btw)

Name: GryffindorGirl163 (Signed) · Date: 01/07/08 14:49 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed
that was really good i can't wait for the next chapter!! ( i could not figure out the joke i till he said the answer)

Name: lemoncat (Signed) · Date: 08/08/07 16:10 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed
it's coming along, i can't wait to read the rest!

Name: LaneTechFreshie (Signed) · Date: 08/03/07 9:59 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed
I don't know whether to be proud of my reviewers that they listened to me, or to be worried that they're too... controllable. *laugh* So.... where's this second chapter, huh, Joe? I'm WAITING... *laugh*

Author's Response: oh man this is the worst summer ever for me and writing. i have work every day 9 to 5 and thats manual labor... then i got soccer conditioning every day, which kills me, and i always seem to have things i need to do on the weekend, so apologise if im not getting ANYTHING done. this is too all the fans out there reading this: I'M SORRY!

Name: phoenix_trills (Signed) · Date: 07/12/07 2:21 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed
So, I saw LaneTechFreshie promoting this story and thought I'd come check it out. I got about three paragraphs in when I realized, I'd already read it. Many times.

Hey there! This is Phoenix_Tears, and I'm so glad you submitted the chapter! It's gotten five times better in the months since I last saw it. Great job! ...That sounds so lame, but there it is. =]

Author's Response: Oh, Hey! Long time no... talk to... whatever. but yeah, I have gotten the story up and running (finally) and I think the title of it is new to you, I can't really remember what the old one was. again, thank you so much for helping me with that first chapter, it helped me loads. Thank you so much for reviewing, the second chapter will be up soon.

Name: Prongsies_Girl_93 (Signed) · Date: 06/27/07 22:57 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed
This is such a cool sounding story! I love your writing, please update soon! Oh, I saw on your bio that you love Jesus, and I saw GO YOU! Jesus rocks! Kk, update soon!!!

Author's Response: why thank you, i ado love my hay-zeus. i shall update soon-ish.

Name: wizard lover (Signed) · Date: 06/27/07 18:37 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed
REally good so far. I can't wait to read more. Update quickly please.

Author's Response: Ill see what I can do. im working out the kinks for my 2nd chap b4 i send it in, so expect it w/in the next month... thanks for reading

Name: daniels_girl (Signed) · Date: 06/27/07 11:39 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed
i was told to come read by LaneTechFreshie and she was right your story is great so far!! i felt like i was actully there!! keep writtin theres no stoppin u now!!

Author's Response: haha why thank you very much DR's girl... forgive me if you mean a different daniel. yes actually the lanetechfreshie (actually its junior now) and I have become somewhat of friends over this site and shes helping me out getting some people reading my story, and i to her, but i cant do much to help her lol. thank you very much for reading and look out for the 2nd chapter coming your way soon! thanks, Torpedo Joe

Name: LaneTechFreshie (Signed) · Date: 06/21/07 15:28 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed
Oh! If you're bored, and need something to do/read, I suggest "A Tale of Two Matchmakers" by Kerichi. There's whole bunch of pairings, it's funny, and very romantic. *smile*

Author's Response: i will/shall (yu pik 1) if i have time, i work, and that is the 2nd longest story on this site... ill c what i can do though =]

Name: LaneTechFreshie (Signed) · Date: 06/20/07 17:36 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed
DUDE! You're gonna make me cry! I love the suggestion, thank you! *sniffle*

Oh boy, I'm being such a girl. *laugh* but thank you very much... look out for the next chapter of mine: there just might a suggestion for your story!

You've got "Godfather" capitalized. I don't think it should be, unless we're talking about Marlon Brando. :-)

Another thing I've noticed, going over the chapter again, is that you like long sentences. For the most part, they make sense, they're just long. I would say go over those sentences and change some commas to periods. I know, it's rather annoying to do (i get comma-happy at times) but it'll help. I hope.

'Nother suggestion: italisize... italicize... italize...Whatever it is... the new articles. Then it would be easier to tell where they start and end. You could center them, if you don't to itali...you know.

I knoticed... *laughs at self.* I put a 'k' in front of that word. How terrible... Anyway, I noticed that you have ďcalling" on you bio page, followed by Jesus. You're a Christian!? That's soo awesome. I love meeting other Christians, especially on Mugglenet. You are the third, I believe. I did know a Catholic for while, but we stopped talking for some reason. Sad, that. But itís really cool otherwise!

Anyway! Back to the story. When you mention how heavy Diddums is, i suggest leaving the kg form, and taking away the lbs. Add that to the Authorís Note. You want to keep the story as un-American-ized as possible. Also the bit you have after that: "depending on where you're from" just doesn't sound right. So, i would watch out for statements like that when you become familiar with your authors. Save that for the A/Ns. It takes something away from the story and makes the reader think that you donít know what youíre talking about; you donít want that. :-)

Oh- I know this is really long, but that's mostly my long ramblings... but watch out for double "enter-spaces". Go back through the edit box thing and make all the numbers of
the same. it looks a bit more uniform. For the most part, they're okay though. There were too many, I think, between "...you are not to step foot in here, not after what you did to my son." and "Dudley slowly clamped his hands on his buttocks.."

Other than that...it's all good. Thanks once again for reading mine, and reviewing, and putting up the suggestion! Makes me feel special!

Author's Response: cool, thanks for the advice. Ill be sure to go and fix the schtuff thurr... wow, i have no idea why i typed that... w/evah!

Name: LaneTechFreshie (Signed) · Date: 06/20/07 17:11 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed
Hmm. Can't say I love the name too much. Sorry. :-S Never read that story; i'll check out the first couple of chapters, see what they're like. Can't say I'm a big fan of too much cliched fluff, but I agree, there definetly has to be some fluff.
as for the Notebook; it was good, just not that great. I liked the last few scenes most, i think. Eh. Whatever.
Emily "LaneTechFreshie" ******* (Wouldn't want you to use my name to find out where I live and all that... not that I make it very hard. :-S)

Author's Response: haha cool... thanks again, i pride myself on not being a wuss... glad its working out for me lol

Name: Torpedo Joe (Signed) · Date: 06/16/07 9:22 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed
okay so to anyone reading these reviews, ive made a few formattind changes and a couple very minor text changes.
Torpedo Joe

Author's Response: why am i responding? because i respond to all my reviews!

Name: LaneTechFreshie (Signed) · Date: 06/15/07 21:28 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed
-Before I even start reading, I have to say that i had a laugh when i read that you keep on forgetting your passwords. HEhe. You poor thing. :-)
-I also liked the sand castles disclaimer. Very creative. :-)
-"...who likely had gotten ten Outstandings." There's just somethign wrong with that sentence...the placement of 'likely',... But i can't quite figure out what' up with it...
- Love the fact that Remus is back to teaching, and do feel incredibly pitying of Draco- poor kid. And of Neville. I think i've always liked Neville...
-I'm going to guess that "limm" in "out of the limm" reference is purposely misspelled b/c Ginny wrote it. If it's not, it's spelled "limb". But I don't thing Ginny would know what 'emo' is- but, hey. Your story. :P
-Haha. Like Harry's conversation with himsefl. "Nice going, Potter". Very nice.
- And I don't think wizards would know who Jackie Chan is, but once again- you're story. Loving it though!
-Very good. I would suggest, though, going through and eliminating a couple
symbols; they split up the paragraphs, adding space. And too much space makes it really annoying to read. But, other than that; very good. I think Harry's a bit...different, than how he's portrayed in the books, but who cares!? :-) And...I can tell that reading a romance written by a guy is going to be rather different that what I'm used to...but, not complaining. I look forward to it. As for plot points- don't ask me. I'm looking for my own. It's an annoying task; have fun. *groan*

Author's Response: why thank you, it meanty a lot that you read, and haha yeah ive heard all those things from my beta reader... but that was last summer... as you can see i kinda got off it a bit. thanks for reviewing! =]

Name: Torpedo Joe (Signed) · Date: 05/30/07 13:50 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed

Author's Response: should I really be responding to my own review... especially if its one word? whatever.

Name: Rosmerta Weasley (Signed) · Date: 05/29/07 18:49 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed
I loved it, are you going to add more to it, cause now i am eager to see where the story goes....

Author's Response: yeah, ill keep putting up new chapters, im just having a little trouble right now because, well, im a sophmore in high school and i got finals. eurggh! but im making progress. I think chapter 2 is going to be called Welcome Home and Best Regards, but i dunno. ah w/e back to studying.

Name: maze (Signed) · Date: 05/15/07 10:27 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed
Wow....What a long first chapter!Good start.Poor Neville......Please update.

Author's Response: im working on chapter 2 now... i had a bit of writers block... yeah i know, writers block at the 2nd chapter?! but i digress, and im working on it now. expect it to be longer that the 1st chapter... and if i had my way or the time, chapter 2 would be about 15,000 words... and yes, i do have the material to support that. thatk you so much for reviewing and i think ill give you a little snippet:Ron and Hermione tell the story of how they got together...

Name: pammiez_x3 (Signed) · Date: 05/01/07 14:18 · For: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed
pretty good start! i like the idea of a ginny/harry relationship early on. keep going you're doing great! :]

Author's Response: hey thanks for reviewing. i was really worried it wouldnt get validated. ive been trying to get it valid for about 9 months now... and they didnt even send me an email... so i had no idea it got validated. thanks again.

You must login (register) to review.