Reviewer: oliverps
Date: 05/12/09 5:23
Chapter: Shadowed Truth Part 1

I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! hahaha......nicely written

Reviewer: callmehermione
Date: 09/29/07 20:07
Chapter: Shadowed Truth Part 1

Your story is very mysterious - naturally. It's interesting, though, that you don't even name your main character. It's fascinating.

I would recommend removing the author's note at the top. It may be useful, but it may discourage readers. You could contact your reviewers individually to ask them questions, if you wish.

The figure of a tall woman wearing flowing robes crossed across the darkened hall of the fourth floor. It's difficult to wear flowing robes. They flow independently from the wearer, if that makes sense. Remove 'wearing' and replace it with 'in'. Also, you don't need to say 'crossed across'. 'Crossed' is enough by itself.

The conversation that follows is interesting. It's relatively clear who the speakers are, but I almost picture them as being in the dark, consulting in secret.

You shouldn't capitalise the first letter of the speaker after a quote. Here's an example:
“You have a good explanation for your tardiness, I take it.” The voice continued.
should be
"You have a good explanation for your tardiness, I tale it," the voice continued.
It's a little error, but do be careful of that.

The woman though f a moment trying to remember. You just need to make that 'for' and add a comma after 'moment'.

It continues to be intriguing that you never name anyone until the end. Even when your main character talks about the new recruits (her spy status is curious), you don't use their full names.

The twist at the end is surprising - I suppose Minerva was only a spy in this era? There has been mention in canon of her relationship with Tom Riddle, so the connection you've made is a valid one.

Reviewer: Wicked Wench
Date: 04/28/07 11:58
Chapter: Shadowed Truth Part 1

Minerva... a spy... now, that is a twist! I look forward to reading more!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Epithalamium by Squibstress Professors
Minerva McGonagall is a bright, talented witch with dreams of becoming the first...
The Apothecary and the Bane by Icarus Unbound 1st-2nd Years
The apothecary receives a visitor in the wizarding slums of London.
M.I.T.: Entente Cordiale by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
A strange and seemingly inexplicable death in London's West End brings an unlikely...
FEATURED
Twilit Confessions by ahattab33 3rd-5th Years
After returning from Australia with the Grangers, Ron realises the moment to...
Soul Sister by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
Ted and Andromeda have just eloped. So, they dance. A songfic featuring...
Time and Tide by minnabird 6th-7th Years
Filius has seen her all his life: the Woman. She has been drifting through time...
Footprints in the Sand by Equinox Chick 6th-7th Years
It was a summer like any other for Danny. He worked at his parents' Bed and...
Consolation by Gmariam 3rd-5th Years
For years, Remus Lupin found comfort in the arms of Rosmerta Richardson...until...
Dangerous Liaisons by eternalangel 6th-7th Years
It was a dangerous game she was playing; Dorcas Meadowes knew it, but the exhilaration...
CATEGORIES