I adore this fic! Awesome job!
this is incredible
Author's Response: Thanks so much!
Author's Response: Thanks! ~Lindsey :)
nice and happy woo hoo
note to everyone: do not tell me about any storys where mione dies, unless u r meanies and want to make me cry AGAIN
Author's Response: Thanks! And okay?
Hey Lindsey! I stumbled across this story while in the SPEW 007 threads and decided to take a look. Even though I’m not much of a Ron/Hermione fan, I remember liking your characterization of Ron, so I thought I would have a look at how you write him with Hermione.
I thought it was very sweet of him to run after Hermione even as the storm is approaching. I’m glad you included this in the story because it shows that he cares about her without it being an obvious romance scene. Ron is very loyal most of the time and it’s nice to see this trait brought out in him. I think one important part of romance stories that’s sometimes forgotten is the actions of the characters. Actions speak louder than words in romance, and this is a good example of that.
He had covered his head with his hand-me-down jacket and ran to the back door, eventually throwing it open to find an angry-looking Mrs. Weasley.
Mentioning the hand-me-down jacket was really good. I hate it when authors forget about canon details because then their characters just don’t seem as in character to me. I know that you not only had this but also a few other details about Ron, such as when he squeaked after Hermione said Voldemort. I love how you really pay attention to Ron’s characteristics. I think that’s one reason why you write him so well. Great job!
I liked how you wrote a scene in the rain, but you avoided the cliché setting. A lot of people write a gentle rainfall, just enough to shower the characters lightly as they have that perfect kiss. Writing an actual storm was great. I really like scenes where an author takes something sort of cliché, but puts their own details and ideas into it, just as you’ve done here. Great job!
I’d like to point out some grammar errors and offer some suggestions…
When she is discovered by Ron, revelations and relationships? are made.
You accidentally added a question mark in the middle of this sentence. Just a small typo I found in the summary.
Ron looked into her chocolate eyes, searching for what she was trying to say.
Hmm…I’m not sure about describing Hermione’s eyes as ‘chocolate’. They’ve never been described that way in the books and it could be considered a canon mistake. What worries me is that is touches on the beautyqueen!Hermione cliché. Once isn’t so bad, but I’d suggest trying to avoid this kind of description in the future.
“Yes, mum,” he said, irritated. He hadn’t wanted to go outside, it had just happened.
You should capitalize ‘mum’ in this sentence because Ron is using it as a name for Molly. You have this mistake one other time in this story.
…Take her a jacket-” She whipped her wand around and a pink windbreaker appeared.
The hyphen should be a period because the sentence ends here instead of breaking off in the middle.
“-That’s a good boy,” she said as Ron took it in his hand.
The hyphen here is also unnecessary.
It appeared that he had just come from seeing Ginny. They had made up nearly a month after his and Ron’s sixth year. Ron figured that they had both realised that love would make the upcoming Final Battle that much easier.
Quite honestly, I’d suggest taking this out. The reason I say this is because really isn’t that important in the story. You do mention it near the end, but I think you could find another reason that would still express Hermione’s feelings accurately. I don’t really find Harry and Ginny getting together very believable at this point in time. Harry pretty much had his mind made up at the end of the sixth book and I don’t think he would change it very easily. I’m not saying it can’t be done, but it requires more explanation than this and I don’t think it’s necessary to write into this story.
He ran over to a tall Weeping Willow that showed a human sitting underneath it. As he grew closer, though, he found that it was Hermione.
I’d suggest taking ‘though’ out of the second sentence. It’s unnecessary and actually makes it sound like Hermione isn’t a human.
It seemed that she was out of breath, and freezing.
The comma here isn’t needed.
One thing you never explained was where Harry went. First he’s off with Ron, searching for Hermione. After the first paragraph or so he just kind of disappears and then we see him back at the Weasleys at the end of the story. I don’t think he would go back to the Weasleys without making sure Hermione was okay. You know how he has that ‘saving people’ thing. ;-) It seems like you just didn’t know what to do with him. One thing you could have done was have him find Ron and Hermione just after they’ve had their conversation. This way you could have the scene with them alone and Harry wouldn’t be forgotten.
Overall, great story! Once again your characterization of Ron has proved to be excellent. I’m not a huge fan of him, but I really liked him in this. He’s sweet and caring without it seeming overdone. You also have a really good grasp of his thoughts, dialogue, and character traits, which is so important when writing a canon character. The ending of this story was really cute, too. I liked how Ron finally got the courage to kiss her. ;-) This is a great example of a fluffy romance story. You’ve avoided most clichés and kept the characters in character. Nicely written!
Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much for this great review of this story Katty! *hugs* I really appreciate the time you took. I am a huge fan of Ron, and he's my favorite character, so I that makes me happy that you like how I portray him and you think that I do it well. Also, I meant to do the Harry thing. It's not as if his friends had forgotten him, it's just that Ron is kind of forgetful himself, and a large event like this, him getting together with Hermione, would allow Harry to slip his mind. I didn't write this part, but I concluded in my head that Mrs. Weasley got Harry back tot he house shortly after with the help of Fred and George. Thanks again! ~Lindsey :)
Well, why did Hermy run out of the house?
Author's Response: Well, I think what I tried to do was incorporate her feelings, so Hermione was trying to tell Ron she loved him, but she got terrified and ran out of the room--- not necesarilly in embarrassment, but out of fury that he's so thick that he can't understand. I hope you liked it. ~Lindsey :)
very sweet. sounds like Ron not to know what's going on
Author's Response: :) ~ Lindsey :)
very sweet. sounds like Ron not to know what's going on
Author's Response: :) ~Lindsey :)
Ok I only have one thing to say (and listen closely because I do NOT use this often)
Author's Response: Ha ha, awwwww . . . You thought it was good, Shane? I love you, too! ~Lindsey :)
Author's Response: Hang on a sec . . . Now that I've re-read your review, I know that what I wrote . . . you must think it was REALLY good! Ladies and gentlmen, Shane-o liked my story! Whoo! ~Lindsey x 2 :)
good job! loved it! XD
Author's Response: Thanks so much! ~Lindsey :)
Great little story! So cute and wonderful.
Author's Response: *giggles* Thanks so much! It was fun writing it. ~Lindsey :)
its wondermous!!! i go to your hug button every time i go on your authors page! you are at the top of my favorite authors list to!
Author's Response: Aw, thank you SO very much! That really made my day, and I'm so glad you like my work! *hugs back times thousands* ~Lindsey :)
Beautiful I love that the weather mirroried there mood at the end
Author's Response: *giggles* Yeah, I enjoyed writing that. I hoped it wasn't too clich'ed, but I am glad you liked it! ~Lindsey :)
Aww, Lindsey! This chapter was really sweet and I just loved it! I really look forward to updates!
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Nicole! ~Lindsey ;)
Aww. That's sweet! :) It made me smile.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad. ~Lindsey :)
Lindsey, this was so beautiful!!!! I loved it. I also liked how Ron couldn't realize Hermione wanted him. This was just spectacular and I can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Lexi! I'm so glad you liked it! ~Lindsey :)
YAY! It's up! I love this Chapter! Good job!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much, HKG!!! I'm SO excited!