Aw, really nice story. Great job!
Author's Response: thank you!
woah woah woah...where has mione run off to? and is she dead or sumthing?
Author's Response: I didn't intend for her to have died.
aww very moving and well written
Author's Response: thanks! :D
loved it! though i thought it was a lot like H?G with him trying to keep away in order to protect her. In the story though I believe that Ron and Hermione are equals, and so neither can keep them away safe. Sorry if you think i'm critizing (sorry if i spelled that wrong), i really love the story so much, especially the end.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! No, you're not criticizing, and yes, I see Ron and Hermione as equals as well. However, with the way I wrote this story, I wrote Ron as a flighty character, and he didn't think he was protecting her - he just didn't want to be the cause of her death. If that makes sense. ;) Thanks again for the lovely review!
So sad, but so sweet! Is the Character Death warning for Harry, and for Hermione? Even if Hermione did die, I'll still favorite this story (though I usually don't like stories when Hermione or Ron dies). If Hermione didn't die, please my a sequel!
You're a really good author!
-Hermione (aka Hannah)-
Author's Response: aw, thank you! The warning was for Harry. I think I'll take it off, though, it's misleading people. *facepalm* And...I don't have a sequel planned, and sincerely doubt that I'll write one, but I'll think about it. Thanks for the review!
Author's Response: is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Wow. Brilliant. I love reading a story that makes me feel...strange. But good! It was very lovely.
Author's Response: lol, thanks for the review!
Very good. But does that mean Hermione has died? sorry, I'm rather slow at these things.
Author's Response: up for interpretation. ;) thanks for the review!
*cough* Did MNFF actually cut off the end of my review, there? o.O *C&Ps*
It had been a cold, December day when Harry had died.
It had been a cold, December day when he had confronted Hermione.
When I first read this I remember thinking that it was a lovely way of talking about the past -- there is something almost fairytale-esque about the ‘it had been a cold, December day’ part, but the strong contrast between this and the harshness of both the situations (confrontation and death) is lovely to read. I really admire the simplicity of the repetition and the way you wrote it. Simply gorgeous.
‘Someday,’ he had continuously told himself, ‘I’ll figure it out.’
Again, this delicious yet slightly sad irony that it is only when it is too late that Ron does finally figure out what he wants. It’s almost as if he doesn’t really know what he is looking for -- he seems so lost. And once again you repeat this and it works. I’m really impressed with your style of writing, Rachel. It’s just fantastic.
He choked on the final words that he knew she would never hear, and made to stand. Something stopped him.
At this point, I almost choked. With tears. I love the strength that you showed in what he says to Hermione, even though she isn’t there. He now knows what he wants, and it is almost as though he has grown up over the course of the fic. I once read something that said in a piece of writing, every character should have an arc, every character should change for the better or the worse, and in this I can see that you have done this for Ron. He’s really become a better, wiser person. He’s found… almost, his place in the world. He knows who he is. I hope I’m making sense.
Without a quill or parchment, he traced four words in the dirt gathering on the floor. ‘Don’t wait for me.’
‘I’m still waiting.’
And, then, God. This gorgeous, gorgeous climax of your fic. There are no words to describe how much I love it, because I think all through the story your writing had been building and building, strengthening, and yet I had no idea what to expect. It is a sad fact that some stories are rather predictable, and I can see where it is leading, but this actually took me totally by surprise. And I cried. But you know that.
I would really love to give you some criticism here, because I don’t feel a review is complete without a little concrit, but obviously, as the beta for this story, there is very little else I can say that I haven’t already told you. The only thing I can see, at all, is that, reading through again, one sentence sounds a tad awkward -- He bitterly kicked at the ground, trying to make himself feel some sort of pain. However, I couldn’t really say what it is that makes it sound awkward to me, and there isn’t anything actually technically wrong with it, which is why I didn’t mention it in my email. I had to really, really pick, to notice this at all. It might be the ‘make himself’ part that sounds a little weird to me, and I might be tempted to just remove those two words, but that would be on a stretch. It’s the only thing in the entire fic that I don’t think sounds perfect. If I were you, I wouldn’t worry.
Of course, this fic is going straight on my favourites, and I look forward to the next Hermione-based fic you write, as you seem to be going from strength to strength, darling. *squishes* I think I’ve rambled on quite long enough.
Author's Response: P.S... join SPEW, dear Kateling. *nods* XD
As you know, I truly believe that a story of this quality deserves an extremely lengthy and detailed review, and therefore I am here to give it just that. Though I adore your writing in general, Rachel darling, I can safely say that this is just stunning. It has so much power and emotion that it left me in complete awe! I have to say, I love reading your earlier pieces and comparing them with your more recent -- you just keep improving and improving, which is the sign of an excellent writer (especially since most would have found it difficult to improve on a gem like Let the Rain Fall).
Well, I will start at the very beginning. Firstly, I love your choice of song -- the lyrics are just perfect -- and the fact that you chose to do this as a songfic. It is an unfortunate fact that some songfics lack strength of writing simply due to the fact that the authors rely too much on the lyrics of the song for all the meaning and the story becomes irrelevant. However, there is none of that here! In fact, your writing is so strong that I believe you could remove the lyrics entirely and it would still be wonderful, which I think is exactly how it should be. The lyrics should compliment the writing, not the other way around.
He knew not how long he had been sitting there on the floor, resting his head against the wall, trying to ignore the wave of emotions — sadness, fatigue, frustration — that continuously washed over him.
A fantastic start, Rachel. The first line of a piece of writing should, in one, captivate the reader, provide mystery, set the scene, and, in the very best pieces, encapsulate the entire theme of the story. This sentence is perfect in this -- it does exactly what it should do. The structure of the sentence alone shows exactly what a good writer you are -- you manipulate the sentence so that it flows beautifully, and the emotions, listed one after another, give a strong feeling of the hopelessness of Ron’s situation, emphasising that he has essentially reached ‘rock bottom’. I also like the use of ‘wave’ and ‘washed’, which create strong metaphorical images in my mind, of the sea, and the fact that the sea cannot be controlled. I could rant on for hours about your use of language -- this is the sort of thing I should be analysing for coursework. It certainly beats A View From the Bridge. ;)
He had never fully understood the word. He had always learned by living, knowing that a mistake was to be made with every wonderful moment that came.
This sentence gives a strong sense of your characterisation of Ron, and I very much like it. He seems rather wilful, independent, and impulsive, and in this way he reminds me of Ginny. I like that I can see resemblance between the two of them and that Ron is more than just the hothead some authors choose to portray him as. Every character needs layers -- needs to have many different parts of his/her character -- and you’ve certainly done this for Ron. This side of his character could be interpreted as a fault or a strength, which is lovely to see. There are many reasons why I love this fic so much, and the way you have written him is just one of them.
Only now did he know that his decision had been the wrong one. Only now did he know that it was too late.
Your repetition here creates a strong impact on the reader, and for this reason this is one of my favourite parts of the entire fic. It’s all about his realisation and the impact that it has had upon his life -- there is a hopelessness and a bitterness in this part that means the reader can really feel for Ron. At this point I just wanted to hold him and tell him everything was alright. Possibly my mothering instinct kicking in, but there you go. >.>
Author's Response: OMG MY KATER. *also hypervenalates* *in a good way* Like, ten-thousand and thirty-four squishes to you, my dear, for like the BESTEST REVIEW IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. You have no idea how much I love this. And how much I love you. And...*dies* I'M NOT WORTHY.
i love this story. the way you wrote it was amazing and i love how you leave it to use to interpret if she has died or not.
Author's Response: thanks a lot! I'm really glad you liked it!
it was interesting how you left this story up to each readers own interpertation. for me, hermione has died...is that what you intended it be? or something else? i'm curious. :)
Author's Response: personally, I didn't intend for her to have died, but really, anything could have happened to her. dying is a rather plausible thought! I'm really glad you liked this!
Okay I just wanted to be first!!!
So I gave you a lame first review, sorry. I'm selfish I know!!!!!
I never heard of that song before, but it fits really well doesn't it! It's kind of sad but in a touching sort of way. Hope to see more of your fanfiction work around!!
Good luck getting more reviews than my stupid very non-helpful ones. VERY well written story.
Love ya much,your annoying little reviewer, Bubs.
Author's Response: *giggles* Thanks again, and glad you liked it! :D
did she die? i loved it. the song fit absolutly perfect.but i am curious who defeated voldie? 10/10
Author's Response: thanks for the review! it is up to the reader whether or not she died. *giggles*
Am I the fist reviewer???
Thats never happened before!!!!
Yay and what a wonderful story for it to happen with!!!
Really good story!!!
I love it, very well written!!
Author's Response: Thanks, glad you liked it!