I’ve never understood how people can write such lovely poetry, being rather hopeless at it myself. I don’t read very much poetry, usually because I’m terrible at understanding it, but I do like to read some once in a while, and I know that Suzie’s author’s page is always a good place to go for some beautiful poetry.
I wasn’t wrong, of course. This is a lovely piece of poetry, and I really enjoyed it. Andromeda is a character I’ve always just wanted to know more about, because she seems really interesting. There’s so much to explore with her, and you did that in just a few lines of poetry. You immediately bring in the idea that Andromeda’s family is ‘behind’ her, which is a really interesting idea. Considering the title of this is ‘Dances, free,’ it’s interesting to look at the lines of this poem with movement in mind. But, her family is behind her, or unmoving, as I look at it. The Blacks remain behind, unwilling to accept things that don’t fit into their little pureblooded world (like Ted Tonks, for example), and that makes them stagnant while Andromeda moves forward.
And then, once she’s left her family, she’s able to see a future for herself. She can see something better, somewhere that’s really right for her. The image of Andromeda dashing into Hope’s embrace is a great one. Again, there’s that movement.
There far away she calls for one she loves, / The colour in her page of Black and white I love the capitalization of ‘Black’ there. Black is really just a fabulous name to work with, isn’t it? I love using it like that. And I love that Andromeda finds Ted, here. He’s the one who brings the color, who offers that new life for her. Almost an escaping movement, I think. I love the image of lightening life anew, it’s rather beautiful. How do you write this stuff, dear? You’re made of awesome. I only wish I could write poetry as beautifully as you, though I suppose I can content myself with simply reading it. Fabulous job, Suzie, of course.
Beautiful! I'm terrible at poetry, and I'm not a very good critic of it either, but I know this was so good. I love the - uh - rhyme scheme? Yes, I'm sure that's what I mean. It's just a very unique rhythm; I love it.
The words you chose sound so pretty... The flow is...guh.
The colour in her page of Black and white
Love the use of "Black"! So great.
And I love the last line...the beginning of the poem is so - well, cold, and really just gloomy, but the end, that last line, contrasts with it so much and leaves the reader with a better feeling. I loved it!
Author's Response: Mariah! Thank you so much for reviewing! Sorry for taking so long to respond. *giggle* And it’s pretty brave of you to review poetry, thanks!
The structure of this poem is Petrarchan sonnet; I think I originally wrote it for a poetry challenge but decided to enter something else instead. I always try to stick as close as possible to the syllable count of poems – it helpswhen reading them aloud and it’s nice to see things flow.
I’m glad you picked up on “Black”. Yay! I’m glad you liked the ending –I wanted the purpose of this poem to be for Andromeda to find something new with Ted, something different to the dull and perhaps stifling family life that she knew. :)
Thanks so much for reviewing!
Thank you for reviewing! :D
You’re the first person who’s spotted/pointed out the “Black” part – yes. I thought it’d be nice to have a dual meaning there. Thanks for the critique too, though I dunno, in my head that line sounds fine, hmm. Thanks anyway. :)
I wrote this poem quite quickly so it just flowed…I’m really glad you like it!
Author's Response: *headdesk* I'm such an idiot for reviewing my own fic instead of responding to the one below. *hides*
Very beautiful poem, and very moving as well.
What caught my eye and I thought was really clever was that you capitalized "Black" in the poem. Gives it a double meaning, which really makes the poem more significant. I really liked this line as well:
Behind her lies what was a family
I don't know why I like that part so much, it is just very moving and quite sad.
The only critic I have is the first line. I believe that the "is clawing" could be changed to "claws" or can be reworded so it flows more smoothly. Anyways, this poem is beautifully written. Great job. ^_^
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! :D
You’re the first person who’s spotted/pointed out the “Black” part – yes. I thought it’d be nice to have a dual meaning there. Thanks for the critique too, though I dunno, in my head that line sounds fine, hmm. Thanks anyway. :) I wrote this poem quite quickly so it just flowed…I’m really glad you like it! ~Suzie
Beautiful wording of everything! *huggles* ~MJ
Author's Response: *huggles back* thanks for the review!
Author's Response: Thank you! :)
This was excellent! Your descriptions were realistic and beautiful. Awesome!
Author's Response: Yay! Thanks :)
wow, this is really good!
Author's Response: Thank you! :)