aw! good job!
Author's Response: thank you!!
wow . < 3
Author's Response: thanks!
It's really beyond me why this poem has so few reviews, Suzie. I really enjoyed it!
Your use of poetic devices was very subtle and well done. The alliteration gave texture to the poem but wasn't obnoxious, as in "blemished blood" and "saving spell." The rhyming scheme was also excellent, especially the more complicated one of the second stanza. And it's always admirable when someone has a rhythm and manages to stick with it while still creating a lovely piece of writing, as you did.
With poetry, the essence and minimalism is what it's all about, and I was impressed by the fact that many of your verbs were very powerful and evocative, which is essential. "Exploding," in particular, is a wonderful verb. However, you could still do with more strong word choices; it just gives a poem that extra strength in expression.
The image that the second stanza evokes was very strong for me, and makes this the best writing I've seen about Merope. "The passing horse each morning in the sun / Brings beams of light; an atom out of reach, / She leans with all her strength; / the beams collide, / And all at once her life, in freedom - runs, / Exploding into sunlight bringing speech." It's such a gorgeous, dramatic description, but not in a cloying, pretentious way. It parallels her emergence from the inhuman life that she lives with her brother and father beautifully, and that it was Tom Sr. that shed light, if unintentionally, into her lightless existence. And, of course, it ties in very nicely with the canon mention that Merope was leaning out of her window to look at Tom.
There's some grammatical errors that I'd like to point out, mostly concerning run-on sentences:
In darkened corner hopeless dreams may dwell, / The sun falls not on her pale, pallid skin--there ought to be a full stop after "skin."
She dares not rise, her tale she cannot tell / The world where blemished blood is known as sin--there should also be a full stop after "sin."
The passing horse each morning in the sun / Brings beams of light; an atom out of reach,--the semicolon should be a comma and the comma a full stop.
She leans with all her strength; the beams collide, / And all at once her life, in freedom - runs--the dash should be a comma.
Exploding into sunlight bringing speech, / She greets the world; encounters love outside--there should be a comma before "bringing speech." (Btw, I really like that thought; that she learned to have a voice, an identity.)
So--erm--that's a lot, I know, but please don't feel badly. Like I said, I love this poem, or else it wouldn't be on my favorites. Keep up the lovely work, Suzie; I'd love to see more poetry from you, because I always like reading it.
Hi Suzie! You continue to write amazing poetry. =) Great job with the rhythm on this poem, it is so easy to read. You did a really good job with Merope's character, too. In the octave you can feel her despair; in the sestet there is a bit of hope. The title is absolutely lovely! Wonderful job - good luck in the challenge!! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thank you Gina! *hugs* I'm glad you like it. I was going to write Merope poem for the last challenge, but it didn't really work out. The rhythm always take me ages but I think I got there in the end! :) Your sonnet was wonderful, by the way! :D ~Suzie