Reviewer: James Jameson
Date: 09/07/07 21:38
Chapter: Reach for the Morning

aw! good job!

Author's Response: thank you!!

Reviewer: MoRoCcAnAnDpRoUd
Date: 09/07/07 18:26
Chapter: Reach for the Morning

wow . < 3

Author's Response: thanks!

Reviewer: GreyLady
Date: 08/25/07 23:16
Chapter: Reach for the Morning

It's really beyond me why this poem has so few reviews, Suzie. I really enjoyed it!

Your use of poetic devices was very subtle and well done. The alliteration gave texture to the poem but wasn't obnoxious, as in "blemished blood" and "saving spell." The rhyming scheme was also excellent, especially the more complicated one of the second stanza. And it's always admirable when someone has a rhythm and manages to stick with it while still creating a lovely piece of writing, as you did.

With poetry, the essence and minimalism is what it's all about, and I was impressed by the fact that many of your verbs were very powerful and evocative, which is essential. "Exploding," in particular, is a wonderful verb. However, you could still do with more strong word choices; it just gives a poem that extra strength in expression.

The image that the second stanza evokes was very strong for me, and makes this the best writing I've seen about Merope. "The passing horse each morning in the sun / Brings beams of light; an atom out of reach, / She leans with all her strength; / the beams collide, / And all at once her life, in freedom - runs, / Exploding into sunlight bringing speech." It's such a gorgeous, dramatic description, but not in a cloying, pretentious way. It parallels her emergence from the inhuman life that she lives with her brother and father beautifully, and that it was Tom Sr. that shed light, if unintentionally, into her lightless existence. And, of course, it ties in very nicely with the canon mention that Merope was leaning out of her window to look at Tom.

There's some grammatical errors that I'd like to point out, mostly concerning run-on sentences:

In darkened corner hopeless dreams may dwell, / The sun falls not on her pale, pallid skin--there ought to be a full stop after "skin."

She dares not rise, her tale she cannot tell / The world where blemished blood is known as sin--there should also be a full stop after "sin."

The passing horse each morning in the sun / Brings beams of light; an atom out of reach,--the semicolon should be a comma and the comma a full stop.

She leans with all her strength; the beams collide, / And all at once her life, in freedom - runs--the dash should be a comma.

Exploding into sunlight bringing speech, / She greets the world; encounters love outside--there should be a comma before "bringing speech." (Btw, I really like that thought; that she learned to have a voice, an identity.)

So--erm--that's a lot, I know, but please don't feel badly. Like I said, I love this poem, or else it wouldn't be on my favorites. Keep up the lovely work, Suzie; I'd love to see more poetry from you, because I always like reading it.

Reviewer: Gmariam
Date: 04/03/07 12:20
Chapter: Reach for the Morning

Hi Suzie! You continue to write amazing poetry. =) Great job with the rhythm on this poem, it is so easy to read. You did a really good job with Merope's character, too. In the octave you can feel her despair; in the sestet there is a bit of hope. The title is absolutely lovely! Wonderful job - good luck in the challenge!! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you Gina! *hugs* I'm glad you like it. I was going to write Merope poem for the last challenge, but it didn't really work out. The rhythm always take me ages but I think I got there in the end! :) Your sonnet was wonderful, by the way! :D ~Suzie

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Tom Riddle and the Cave of Living Waters by alittletiefling 6th-7th Years
What would happen if Tom Marvolo Riddle had been adopted by well-meaning squibs?...
Pensive by foolondahill17 1st-2nd Years
Or, seven times Severus Snape wanted and could not have Lily Evans. "The glass...
Not From Others by FloreatCastellum 6th-7th Years
She may not have been able to join Harry, Ron and Hermione, but Ginny refuses...
FEATURED
Whatever Happened to Saturday Night by Simply Being 3rd-5th Years
A short tale of the Marauder's friendship and its subsequent demise. Songfic...
Love is Like a Wrong Turn on a Cold Night by lucca4 6th-7th Years
Michael Corner muses on his short-lived relationship with Daphne Greengrass...
Maps by the opaleye Professors
Tell me, is the rose naked Or is that her only dress? -Pablo Neruda Four...
Pineapple in the Library by 1000timesingoldenink 1st-2nd Years
It's late on a Sunday evening, and Neville has a couple of questions...Why is...
CATEGORIES