Wow! I was not expecting this when I clicked on it. I don't know what I was expecting, but I really liked this because it's so different.
The atmosphere that you built is just fabulous. The old house, the storm, Catherine's distant screams, the music playing...it made it all very creepy. The phrase of her screams coming from the “deep recesses” of the house was really chilling, and the description of the flame “dancing like a faerie on Beltane” connects really well with the rest of the story.
The entire premise is truly terrifying. The idea of a faerie creature coming out of the night to steal his daughter but only being a delusion of his insanity works perfectly. Faerie tales were people's way of dealing with the death and darkness and unexplainable that were all around them, and to have something reminiscent of the creatures in those stories be a product of insanity makes complete sense. (And by faerie stories, I mean like the Grimm brothers, where people are eaten and all manner of terrible things occur.)
And along with the concept being terrifying, you also make it very suspenseful. The image of the rocking horse blocking Harry's view of the creature in the dark, with the music tinkling, chilled me to the bone. And I have to admit that I was shocked when it actually bit her arm. The fact that for some reason I didn't think that anything horrible was actually going to occur gave it enormous shock value.
And the ending. Wow. Was definitely not expecting that. It's really genius and tragic, and the last word was just...perfect.
There were a couple things about your story that weren't as perfect, but I can easily forgive them for the brilliance of the rest of it. For instance, you ave a comma splice here: “He was the Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher, why was he drawing a blank about this creature?” I also felt like your descriptions of the house and the storm were a little too flowery and cliché in places.
However, I'm jumpy and disturbed now, and that speaks a lot for your talent. Excellent work – you definitely deserved to be featured!
Wow, thank you for the wonderful review. I'm glad you were able to see the reality vs the illusion in the story. There were many readers who could not decide if it was all his imagination or if it actually happened. I tried to hard to make it appear that it could go either way. As far as the description of the house, I tried to stick true to what Hermione would have done to make the house more "liveable" and I did go over the top with Catherines bedroom, however it was not just a cliche', both of my daughters rooms look just like that. One is in various shaded of purple with a chandaleir and all, the other is all pink with a castle bed. The description of the doll houses came from one of son's friends. No one ever expects a small child to get hurt in a story so I put it in there for the shock value. My mind was steel reeling from the fact that my own tiny little two year old had a broken arm and cast that went from wrist to elbow. It is amazing what the mind of a frightened mother will come up with. Thank you again for the review and I will go fix that comma splice right now.
Awwwww that was sad. I liked how Harry said too at the end even though I think it was the saddest line. I was expecting Catherine to die, but Harry going mad like that Wow. Was that lullaby Baby Mine from Dumbo?
Author's Response: Yes it was and when my little girl broke her arm and had to have surgery at the children's hospital, it was playing in the "holding" room after her surgery. I got to hold her in a rocking chair while she woke up. Since I wrote this story the next day, it was fresh in my memory and I wanted it in the story and I figured Mr. Weasly would give them something like an enchanted muggle radio. I also think the "too" is the saddest line, it gets me every time.
very well written. the suspense, the use of poetry, images. it was a seamlessly woven tapestry. u dont see where the parts end just the masterpiece. as other reviewers hav said, it really is both beautiful and terrible, scary and sad.
Oh. That was excruciating to read. Not excruciating as in I didn't enjoy it, just excruciating in I felt so much emotion while reading . . . I definitely see why this story is featured. It's amazing. Your writing style -- the descriptions are just so vivid, without being overdone. A beautiful mix of horror, suspense, and tragedy. Great job.
Author's Response: I understand, I wrote it and I still have to read it as fast as I can to get to the end. (Like I need to see what happens even though I already know.)
This story scared me. I loved it!
Oh! Oh! *is trying to find words* That's so sad! That's so horrible! Poor Harry! Poor Catherine!
This is amazing. The writing is wonderful. You have written a very moving, terrifying story. Amazing job!
Aaaaaaah! That's so sad. No wonder this piece is a featured story. Not only do you have some of the best descriptive writing I have ever, ever seen, you managed to put a horror story and a tradgedy together. So sad! And yet absolutely touching. Amazing.
Thank you. I took a class through the Beta forums and it helped me develop the story.
I don't quite know what to say. The image of the Erkling attacking Catherine was horrifying, as was the idea of Harry being mentally incapacitated, but at the end, I came away with the feeling of love between Catherine and Harry. Bravo.
I tried hard to get the images across so that you couldn't get them out of your head. The terifying attack and the love between the father and daughter.
Kristy! You made me cry again. =( It's so good but it depresses my terribly. *hugs* It just means you are an amazing writer.
I try my hardest love
it's kinda like putting m&m's in your popcorn at the movie theater ~ glad you liked it
although there were a couple mistakes this was such a good story. you are very talented and i think that if you reached out and started writing your own stories and characters you would do extremely well.
love your online name! If you point them out I can fix the mistakes. And thank you for the compliment, you are one of a few that have said I should give it a try.
Wow. very good. Had me riveted the entire time. Great story, and scary, but good none the less.
thanks, I think >.<
That was so amazing. Its hard to find something that sweet and sad at the same time. Great job on it!
Oh my gosh Kristy. You, as a Mother, write such heart-wrenching stories that I can tell are straight from the heart and thats what makes you sucha good writer. Becuase you can easily put yourself in that situation; the fear of loosing a child is just simply unbearable
:( And you write Harry's pain so well. *smile* And as buggy2121 said: The last word "too" made me cry. I was like "oh!" and I covered my mouth with my hand. It was simly beautiful and tear-worthy :) *squish* And I love how you said you keep changin your mind. Whether it really happened, or the marks were simply a birthmark. And it was inspired by your own little girl? *hugs Kristy's little girl* Your children, one day, will inspire a book out of you one day, I'm sure of it :) I'll keep an eyes out for you :)
Author's Response: Thanks Nicole, and I actually do have an original fiction in the back of my mind. I used the general idea of it for my story The Guardian, that at some point I am going to turn into a chaptered fic.
That was really intense. It's very dark and sad, but I think you've done a wonderful job with it. It's original and frightening, a very good piece of writing.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it, it was a bit intense to write. The orginal version or the "skeleton" of the story just poured out of me in about 30 minutes. My wonderful betas hammered it into perfection.
this was so good! so sad, though! the end literally brought tears to my eyes...:-( very well written though.
Author's Response: I still get goose bumps and teary when I read it.
oh my gosh. how sad. but it was really good.
Author's Response: Stories about loosing your parents, no matter what it is, are always a bit sad. I always feel sorry for Catherine at the end of this one.
I loved it. It was frightening, yet just so...I can't even think of an appropriate word for this well written fanfic.
Author's Response: If it made your heart race, then I did my job and learned alot from the professor that taught the class I was taking. :)
very nice. very enjoyable.
Author's Response: Danke vielmals! :)
Absolutely incredible. The ending caught me completely off guard. Well done!
Author's Response: Plot twists are always a plus - I'm glad you liked it.