Reviews For Envy
Reviewer: BlackClaude
Date: 04/06/07 10:51
Chapter: Envy

Congratulations! This sonnet is really amazing; it works perfectly in every way. You know, no matter how sestets I read, I could never really "feel" the rhyme in them, but in yours, I read it and I thought, "Wow, that rhymes!" I think it's because your meter is perfect and the rhyming words are very distinct, so the rhyme really came through. Well done! :) You've also got the subject down perfectly; the octet and sestet contrast each other and the language used in both is so expressive of Ron's emotions. I'd give my favorite line, but it all works together so well as one fluid poem that I can't really separate them. There's only one word that I would change, but it's purely for grammatical reasons. "But temper and his anger does subside;" Since we're talking about both temper and anger, that's plural, so it should be "do" instead of "does." (But luckily that doesn't change the rhyme or meter!) Oh, and I loved you're ending it with Fin; that was awesome. :) Congrats on a well-deserved win!

Author's Response: THANK YOU, BC! I'm so ecstatic to hear you like the poem and your wonderful compliments made me smile from ear to ear! I also highlyl appreciate your suggestion, because you're totally right! I changed it already and thanks so much! I just love Ron to death so this topic was easy for me, but I admit the rhyming and meter were quite a challenge. Thanks again! ~GG

Reviewer: hsmfanatic
Date: 03/30/07 21:20
Chapter: Envy

I'm not big on sonnets, as I don't really get them OR their purpose (it's like calculating pi - cool to be sure, but somewhat useless), but I actually really liked this! Awesome job! I think you really bring attention to Ron's envy, without putting him into a negative light or going too far into detail. Awesome job! Now how about an update for BMS? pretty please? *puppy-dog eyes*

Author's Response: :) Thankya! I'm glad you could appreciate this even though sonnets aren't really your thing. As for BMS, chapter 12 has been in the queue for a couple of days's all up to the mods at this point. =) Keep your eyes peeled! ~GG

Reviewer: Dee Dee
Date: 03/30/07 12:40
Chapter: Envy

I don't understand how these kind of sonnets or poems or whatever they're called work. Is there supposed to be a certain amount of words in each line? is it only allowed to rhyme on certain lines? Wow I'm really going to fail english lol

Was good though, i think it describes Ron's jealousy quite well. I think it really goes into his thoughts, because even though it is stated in the books that he is slightly jealous of Harry's fame, it doesn't really go into details so we have to try and work out for ourself. Does that make sense? Well I know what I mean.

You got the 'quick to steam and ire' the resentment and the 'sneaks away to sulk' parts right... You really get Ron's character spot on in all of your fics!! It's clear he's your fave character, or one of. Great job!! ^_^

Dee Dee xx

Author's Response: Yes, this particular kind of sonnet is very picky about EVERYTHING. The rhyme scheme is ABBAABBACDECDE. It's written in iambic pentameter (10 syllables per line, stressing the even numbered syllables). The octave (first 8 lines) are supposed to be about the character's flaw, in this case jealousy/envy, and the sestet (last 6 lines) are about his redeeming/lovable qualities. It took me a long time to work this one out to where it not only met the criteria but it sounded good, believe you me.

Enough talk about technicalities... I'm so glad you liked it! I know exactly what you mean about Ron's jealousy not exactly being focused on in the books, but it definitely being there. He's such a complex character, actually, and that's why I love writing him so much. You're totally right about him being my favorite character. :) I guess he does seem to pop up in most of my stories, hehe. I just love him to death!

Anyways, thanks heaps for reviewing this poem. I so appreciate your undying support! *HUGS* :D ~GG

Reviewer: Camron Tawney
Date: 03/29/07 16:49
Chapter: Envy

that was really good it shows rons true feelings and his uncanny gift to forgive and forget when it comes to his friends

~Cam Tawney

Author's Response: Well thanks very much, Cam! I sure do love Ron and I couldn't pass up this opportunity to write about his character. :) ~GG

Reviewer: Gmariam
Date: 03/28/07 17:24
Chapter: Envy

Yes! =) The words you chose to replace 'temper' really do add to the depth of the poem and your portrayal of Ron's character. I'm so glad I could help. Go Ravenclaw!! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Yes, and thanks again, ma'am! :D ~GG

Reviewer: Gmariam
Date: 03/28/07 11:02
Chapter: Envy

Fantastic job! This sonnet really showed Ron's character development wonderfully. The rhythm is excellent and I absolutely love how you concluded it with "The jealous beast has given way to trust." What a great line! I would only suggest seeing if you could sneak in another word for 'temper,' since it did pop up three times. =) Good luck in the challenge!! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Gina! I took your advice about the "temper" thing (I didn't realize how many times I had used that word...) and it *definitely* makes the poem more powerful. I really appreciate the constructive feedback, so again a HUGE thank you! You're a gem! :D ~GG

You must login (register) to review.
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.

We have stories and authors in this archive.


Choose Theme:
People of the Goddess by Meadowsweet 3rd-5th Years
A retelling of Severus Snape's time as Headmaster, an account of Wizarding Britain...
My Bloody Valentine by Kerichi 6th-7th Years
Weasley girl meets vampire boy. Romance with a bite.
Epithalamium by Squibstress Professors
Minerva McGonagall is a bright, talented witch with dreams of becoming the first...
Twilit Confessions by ahattab33 3rd-5th Years
After returning from Australia with the Grangers, Ron realises the moment to...
Soul Sister by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
Ted and Andromeda have just eloped. So, they dance. A songfic featuring...
Time and Tide by minnabird 6th-7th Years
Filius has seen her all his life: the Woman. She has been drifting through time...
Footprints in the Sand by Equinox Chick 6th-7th Years
It was a summer like any other for Danny. He worked at his parents' Bed and...
Consolation by Gmariam 3rd-5th Years
For years, Remus Lupin found comfort in the arms of Rosmerta Richardson...until...
Dangerous Liaisons by eternalangel 6th-7th Years
It was a dangerous game she was playing; Dorcas Meadowes knew it, but the exhilaration...