Warm and fuzzies. Warm and fuzzies.
I like your characterization of Ginny. I don't know the word for it, but she's playful while still mature. Yes.
aw its sad to see ginny with someone else, but dan seems like a cool guy. nice fic!
Aww, what a sweet story! I really liked your idea of pairing Ginny with an OC, especially someone she doesn’t know very well. There aren’t many Ginny/OC stories out there, but I’ve really come to like the idea of Ginny ending up with someone other than a canon character. Dan seems just perfect for her! You gave them enough in common that they have something to talk about, plus Dan’s personality was great for Ginny.
You did a good job of avoiding the Mary-Sue side of Ginny. In fanfiction, and even a little in the books, she tends to be written that way, which is one reason why I really don’t like her character. But when I see a well written Ginny in fanfiction, she doesn’t bother me so much, and I begin to wonder why I dislike her as much as I do. I really liked how you started off with her being slightly awkward around Dan, but slowly we see her confidence come out as she gets to know him. We always picture Ginny being this super confident person, but we only really see her around people she’s known for a long time. I like the idea of her being a little awkward or nervous around someone at first.
The dialogue between Ginny and Dan was adorable! You wrote the date perfectly. Not only with the dialogue, but also how Ginny reacted to his touch and the kiss was a pleasure to read because it just right, and not too much (meh, you know how I feel about smut XD). I really loved the arguing over Quidditch and the teasing from Dan. Those are things Ginny would really go for in a guy. As I kept reading, I really began to love the idea of Ginny and Dan together. I’ve hardly read about Dan, but I already think he’s a likable and believable OC. You should consider writing about him again. =)
I really enjoyed reading this, Abigail. I don’t typically read fluff, but the setting, the dialogue, and the characterization of your story made me smile. It’s authors like you that make me actually want to go look for decent fluff to read. Great work!
Right, Abi. I am absolutely determined to review this story even though you already have several excellent reviews. Just you try and stop me. ;)
Wow. Where do I begin? Perhaps with Ginny. I agree with some previous reviewer that she’s perhaps not very feisty in this story, but I don’t mind the slightest. She reminds me more of the Ginny we saw at the very end of HBP, and that’s also the Ginny I like best. And the version you have written here is absolutely not boring – she’s perfect for the story and the story is perfect for her.
I really admire you for writing something so innocent, that is still so exciting and gives me such a thrill when reading it. Really, if written this well, a single kiss (and the scenes building up to it) can offer just as much enjoyment for a reader as something much more daring and Professors-rated.
At first glance, Dan seems like an average type of guy. But you promptly remind us that he’s a professional Quidditch player, and the strong arm he puts under Ginny’s certainly doesn’t make it worse. Also, I think it’s interesting that you don’t mention what House he was in, even when they talk a bit more over the Butterbeers. That seems to be very common with OCs in fanfiction, and I found myself wondering what House he belonged to. I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing that you left it out, just that I was curious. =)
And the Side-Along Apparation – absolutely genius! I never thought about it before, that it could be such an excellent opportunity and excuse for close contact. Sweet.
Right. Some nitpicks, ahoy!
I’m the youngest and only girl in a family of seven.
Hm. I don’t know, if you use the phrase “in a family of seven”, is it then implied that you mean seven children and two parents? Otherwise it’s a little confusing, as the Weasley family consists of nine people, parents included. Unless you killed someone off? *shifty eyes*
‘I’m not very interesting, either,’ Dan said, shrugging.
Hm, again. That didn’t sound right to me. Ginny didn’t say straight out that she thought she wasn’t interesting, so if Dan is interested in her, I don’t think he’d imply that she wasn’t interesting. Perhaps he would say something like, “There’s not much to say about me, either.” How about that? Then he’s at least not indirectly insulting Ginny. ;)
Ginny found Dan extremely easy to talk to — she felt she had known him for years.
I think you meant to write “she felt like she had known him for years.” ?
‘Sweet dreams, Ginny.’
‘I’m sure I will,’ she said softly, smiling.
The two lines of the dialogue don’t really match. Ginny’s answer sounds like a reply to “Sleep well”, as opposed to “Sweet dreams”. Perhaps it would be a good idea to either change “Sweet dreams” to “Sleep well”, or else, which I think is even better, you could change Ginny’s answer to “I’m sure they will be” – a little bolder, perhaps.
That’s the boring stuff over and done with. Now I want to gush some more. Because, you see, the dialogue here is very well-written indeed – I really like the playfulness and the subtle teasing. It’s easy to tell that these characters are very interested in one another, and that something is happening here.
As the youngest, Ginny hated being babied, but Dan’s concern for her was different, somehow.
!!! Yes! Excellent! Of course Ginny hates being babied, but it’s such a difference having a parent or a sibling be worried about you, compared to a charming man. I think all women want to be independent, but at the same time, deep down, we want to be taken care of. A wonderful thing to include, Abi!
And I know that I already mentioned the kiss, but I’m going to do it again. It is very well-written – I’m grinning and tingling and cheering inside.
I went back to have a look at Comfort Me and the review I wrote for that, and I can definitely say that you have improved with this. I must congratulate you, and hope that you continue in the same fashion. =)
*giggles* Is it wrong of me to say that Dan reminds me an awful lot of Oliver Wood? >.< I don’t know, there’s just something about him…maybe the charm or the fact that he seems strong and hot. Erm. *uncomfortable look* Did I say hot? About a book character? *headdesk*
Alright, well, enough rambling and onto the actual review. I really liked this story. It didn’t have too much actual plot *lol* but it was sweet and it flowed well, and it was just…pleasant.
I loved Dan, if you couldn’t tell. He seems to be the perfect mix of protective man and laidback fun guy to hang out with – Ginny’s a lucky girl. I feel like we’re missing Ginny’s fire in this piece. We get a bit of sassiness, particularly in the line, “I’m not sure that I’m sorry…” *giggles* Good one, by the way. Anyway, that’s not enough for me, I think. Personally, I would love to see a spirited argument about Quidditch teams. They’re both players, both passionate, and it’d add some spice to the story and some fire to Ginny’s characterization. :)
I’d like to bring up the fact that I’m surprised Ginny is so off-kiltered by touch from Dan. The hand on the elbow etc is something I’m sure they encounter every day in a physical sport like Quidditch.
Finally, to be honest, I want one thing in this story that you don’t have. I want to see a bit of the team – the environment Dan and Ginny have gotten to know each other in – before we move on to them on a date as a pair alone. Could you possibly include some locker room banter (with Ginny and Dan involved along with others) in a scene if you ever decide to edit? I just want to know where this pairing was “born,” for lack of better words.
Anyhow, nothing really to complain about in the story itself – just suggestions for more things to add on, which can’t be a bad thing. When I want more of a story, it’s a very good thing. :D Heehee.
Great story. As I said before, light and pleasurable to read. A nice break from this work that I’m doing. I enjoyed it and thank you! Hugs, Abigail!!!
*grins* There, see? I wasn’t having that good of a day, and now I’m all cheered up. What a sweet story! It’s funny, because I usually don’t like sweet stories – not a big fan of fluff and stuff – but this really made me smile. It was well written, and just very… cozy, somehow. Exactly what it was supposed to be; not a moment in the middle of a war, not extremely emotional, but a sweet interlude in which Ginny spends time with a guy she likes. It shouldn’t be interesting, but it is – you have a smooth and unassuming style that’s a lot of fun to read.
I don’t have any stylistic criticism, which is rather unusual for me; no repetitive sentence structures or uneasy lines of dialogue that leapt out. My only concerns for the story were a few nitpicks about ideas. First of all, the story opens with Ginny toweling her hair dry. Not that people in the Wizarding world never use towels, but especially since it’s the first paragraph of the story, it might be nice to start off with something magical. I loved what you did later on, fitting the Apparation and Flooing so easily into the story – it felt perfectly natural, and it was really nice to see it portrayed as an unremarkable part of their lives. You could easily work something like that into the beginning, I think, and while it’s not necessary it would be a nice touch.
So when she exited, she was shocked to see Dan Bristow waiting outside, leaning against the wall.You made it very clear that she doesn’t think Dan is waiting for her – it seems logical to her that he is waiting for someone else; why, then, is she so shocked to see him? Is it just that she wasn’t expecting anyone to be there? You might want to tone it down a little – make her surprised, rather than shocked, since it’s not coming off a long inner dialogue in which she convinces herself that he’s not interested in her.
My only other criticism was with the idea that Ginny has been on the team for a month and not gotten to know anyone yet. I am most certainly not a member of a professional sports team, but I imagine that when you’re spending that much time a day working with people –physically working with them, touching them, communicating with them – you get to know each other pretty quickly in some ways, even if you never sit down and have a conversation about your lives. So…not really important, but I thought I’d bring it up.
Other than that, I really enjoyed this story. I loved the way they introduced themselves, spurting out a random list of facts, and the beach joke was very amusing and endearing. That’s the kind of thing you know is going to come up in their future relationship, a recurring joke, and it’s nice to think about. Also, I like Dan very much; are you possibly going to write anything further on this relationship? I’d like to see how their relationship develops, past mere sweetness, when they have to undergo other difficulties. Great job – I really enjoyed the story!
*squeals* Loved it! I go both ways on Ginny pairings- I love it when she's paired with a bad boy (*coughDracocough*) But Dan is so sweet and kind that you can't help loving him! I also liked seeing Ginny as a Quidditch player. I imagine that she would like a bit of glamour and fame being the youngest of seven so I love that possibility.
‘Oh, I see how it is,’ he said in an injured tone. ‘My company’s too dull for you. Well, I’m so sorry to have bored you.’ His face was serious, but the twinkle in his eye told Ginny that he was having her on.
‘Absolutely,’ she played along. ‘I’ve been trying to get you to shut up for the past half hour or so, but you just kept going on and on about how horrible the Cannons’ Seeker is.’
That is such a good date line! It's very realistic and it isn't mushy or anything which would've been really a bit weird. People usually don't profess love on a first date so that's another thing that I liked!
Nice job! Very cute, very sweet!
I enjoyed reading this story quite a bit. There are a certain set of emotions that I kind of associate with first dates and I think you have captured them well. Good first dates always seem to have those little “it just feels right” things happen and I like some of the scenarios you used. The Side-along Apparation, in particular, just seemed to fit so well. It was a perfect way to put the two characters in close proximity where Ginny could notice how nice it was to be close to Dan.
Any criticisms I have would be decidedly minor in variety and I have trouble sometimes critiquing people I seek advice from regularly. Furthermore, all it would be is nit-picking over one word here versus another. As I read, I cannot honestly say that anything jumped out at me that I would change significantly. I also thought the way you handled the first kiss scene worked very well. It seemed very Ginny-like to me. OH! The reminds me, I would put the As if he were my brother! part, where you are giving us her thoughts in italics. That’s just what I would do though.
Good job, Abigail. Keep it up!
You know, I don't think I've ever read a Ginny/OC story before... It's really cute, I like it.
Author's Response: Aw, thank you! Actually, I was noticing how few male OCs there are in fanfiction, and I've always liked Ginny as a character ... so, there you go! I'm seriously considering extending this story ...
Aw, that was very sweet. I like Ginny not hopping around from boy to boy after Harry, and Dan seems like the kind of guy for her to get back in the game with.
Author's Response: Thanks! You know, I couldn't really see Ginny getting over Harry right away, and I found myself falling in love with Dan as I wrote him. I think I might have to write more of this pairing!
Great story Abigail! I get so excited when I see your ocassionaly oneshot pop up on my email.
Ginny as a pro qudditch player, I like it. Haven't seen too much of that!