Login
MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: lzm001 (Signed) · Date: 04/25/16 3:03 · For: Yellow Roses and Daisies
coach handbags
nike run
tiffany co
nike australia
TRX Workout
christian louboutin shop
pirate system
Salomon Shoes
prada bags
Lebron 13
Burberry Outlet
air jordan nike
oakley australia
Oakley Outlet
pandora bracelets
burberry australia
basketball shoes
chanel flap bag
clk benz
Kate Spade Australia
gucci online
MCM Outlet
Ralph Lauren UK
TRX Straps
yeezy shoes
asics shoe
gucci bags
michael kors outlet
kate spade uk
louis vuitton australia
louis vuitton australia
burberry outlet
louis vuitton watllets
gucci diaper bag
sunglasses on sale
nike free danmark
burberry bags on sale
louis vuitton neverfull
longchamp sale
kate spade uk
burberry online
birkin bag hermes
michael kors crossbody
michael kors handbags on sale
trx workouts
trx for sale
Hermes Outlet
hermes birkin price
Michael Kors Outlet
coach purses
jimmy choo australia
longchamp bags
coach shoes
prada messenger bag
Ralph Lauren Polo
louis vuitton bags
michael kors satchel
balenciag bag
Burberry outlet online
gucci sunglasses
louboutin shoes
timberland boots uk
mizuno wave
coach usa
ugg boots
fendi outlet
free shoes
prada crossbody bags
asics shoes
oakley sunglasses
mcm tote bag
nike free run
nike sweden
burberry outlet uk
louis vuitton monogram
nike shop us
louis vuitton artsy
ralph lauren polo
burberry uk
coach bags
air jordan retro
pandora rings
Ralph Lauren
pandora necklack
chanel bags prices
Ralph Lauren Shirts
louis vuitton zippy wallet
coach outlet store
louboutin shoes
abercrombie fitch france
free nike
louis vuitton tote bag
louis vuitton handbags on sale
Ralph Lauren Polo
michael kors black handbags
true religion uk
asics shop
nike air jordan
Chanel Outlet
canada goose outlet
longchamp le pliage large tote
louis vuitotn speedy
Burberry bags
nike shoes
louis vuitton outlet
Nike Kobe 9
trx workouts
jordan retro shoes
adidas super star
longchamp le pliage medium
trx straps
nike air jordan
market 365
michael kors purses
chanel tote
michael kors canada
MCM Bags
michael kors bags on sale
pandora jewelry
louis vuitton messenger bag
nike norway
nike jordan shoes
louis vuitton eva clutch
louis vuitton uk
prada tote
prada handbags
michael kors tote
true religion jeans
christian louboutin shoes
louis vuitton artsy
louis vuitton duffle bag
coach crossbody bags
jordan retro
sheepskin boots
hermes bag
louis vuitton
Kate Spade Australia
coach bags on sale
Ralph Lauren
burberry britain
hermes outlet
Coach outlet online
hermes uk
burberry london
louis vuitton wallet for women
Prada Outlet
abercrombie and fitch
michael kors factory outlet
nike danmark
TRX Workouts
gucci belt
yeezy boost 350
prada handbags sale
louis vuitton damier
gucci clutch
coach carter
Ralph Lauren UK
burberry outlet online
Nike Hyperdunk 2015
ugg boots
nike all
Pandora bracelet
popular sunglasses
prada outlet
Oakley holbrook sunglasses
hugo boss uk
trx
prada shoes
abssice 360
led lights
michael kors hamilton tote
prada handbags
trx suspension
louis vuitton purses
louis vuitton perfect
burberry outlet
michael kors tote
burberry australia
gucci online
TRX Bands
gucci handbags
nike air max
cheap gucci belts
burberry
Michael Kors Outlet
ugg boots
nike shopping
Mens Sunglasses
michael kors outlet store
louis vuitton bags
ugg australia
TRX Exercises
Longchamp Outlet
louis vuitton outlet
cheap louis vuitton purses
Ray Ban Outlet
KD 8 shoes
abercrombie and fitch
louis vuitton bags
asics running shoes
ugg boots ireland
yeezy boost 350
nike air
michael kors purses
coach purses on sale
nike online
michael kors black purse
prada bags
coach outlet
michael kors clutch
gucci bags
burberry wallet
michael kors hobo bag
ugg boots
louboutin heels
chanel australia
salomon shoes
hugo boss uk
primark online uk
tiffany co
mizuno shoes
louis vuitton online
abercrombie fitch nederland
trx exercise
michael kors australia
kate spade
coach online
louis vuitton belt
10 dollars
louis vuitton neverfull mm
abercrombie outlet online
nike jordan
michael kors purses outlet
nike show
abercrombie and fitch outlet
trx suspension
Ray Ban wayfarer sunglasses
asics gel kayano
asics shoes
louis vuitton belts
hermes belt
louis vuitotn speedy
prada loafers
michael kors handbags
louis vuitotn speedy
hermes birkin uk
oakley sunglasses
mcm bags
hugo boss
ugg boots uk
longchamp tote
nike air shoes
gucci handbags
louis vuitton diaper bag
pandora charms
christian louboutin shoes
nike shoes
nike air
ray-ban sunglasses
abercrombie milano
oakley sunglasses
change points uk
prada-crossbody
ugg uk
prada purses
titan watches
ray-ban sunglasses
gucci backpack
cheap michael kors purses
longchamp bag
louis vuitton shoulder bag
coach outlet
gucci shoes
christian louboutin online
longchamp backpack
coach australia
coach australia
cheap michael kors handbags
ugg boots
burberry outlet online
ray-ban sunglasses
burberry outlet
outlet michael kors
Michael Kors Watches
michael kors canada
nike free run sko2
Polo Ralph Lauren
Cheap Ray Ban
mizuno shop
louis vuitton uk
louis vuitton uk
Burberry online
lebron james shoes
ugg boots for women
michael kors australia
paul smith uk
louis vuitton uk
air jordan shoes
TRX Training
louis vuitton outlet
black uggs
michael kors outlet
Polo Ralph Lauren
michael kors tote bags
coach sunglasses
burberry
louis vuitton shoes men
hermes purses
yeezy boost 350
pandora ring
pandora bracelet
nike year
Pandora Charm
lzm4.25


Name: Sainyn Swiftfoot (Signed) · Date: 07/03/09 12:04 · For: Yellow Roses and Daisies

Wow, Heather, that was a really powerful fic. You portray emotions amazingly well, your characters are all so very 3-D and having depth, and your writing is so very beautiful.


The first thing that struck me, as soon as I read the line after the letter was that it's a really very strong line, but it feels somewhat jarred by the commas. All throughout the fic, there seem to be commas, which in my opinion, could be removed for a better flowing fic. One example is the line immediately after the first letter. Another place where I'm not too sure about the use of a comma is here:


Now, it looked like the ink was dry.


Your use of second person is astounding. Very few people can use second person well, and even fewer can use a combination of second person and past tense well. You, however, have pulled it off with a flair that's simply unbelievable. It never once feels forced or boring or jarring.


I threw your brother’s name into the conversation.


I'm not sure what exactly is happening here... Maybe you mean You threw your brother's name into the conversation?


We're taken to feeling bad for Marcus, he's portrayed as a good guy, till the scene in the study. We all know and love Dobby, it really touches us to see him being punched and thrown about by Marcus. This scene, I felt, really made Marcus an amazing character to me-- he's not a goody-two-shoes, he has his flaws, he loses control... This gave him depth.


You folded up the parchment and stuff it into an envelope.


Tense change alert! Your story is in the past tense, but you use stuff here, which is in the present tense. Changing tenses is a fairly common mistake, I do it all the time. >.<


Marcus' mother is done so very well. The Slytherin pride, the vanity, the superiority... Another very beautiful character. You're really good at fleshing them out.


He was a god among kings, and that garnered you respect, even from witty, sniveling brats like Crouch.


I think you mean your respect. Also, minor Britpick, it's snivelling, and not sniveling.


In the last part of the fic, the flashbacks and the present were interwoven incredibly well, and the letter gives a very good conclusion to the story. It was really sweet, and it was something that every reader was wanting to happen.


On the whole, Heather, this was an amazing fic. The characters were amazing, the plot was very interesting and the writing was awesome. You really have a way with words, spinning them and using them to your benefit. The disjointed method was really good, I could see Marcus being stuck between what his mother was telling him, between Hestia, between what he was seeing at school... It reminded me a lot of Sirius.


Good work!






Author's Response: I went back and made the corrections. I really thought the parallel you saw between Marcus and Sirius was interesting. Marcus actually makes the opposite choice, though, because he feels family is important. Marcus is someone who learns to live with the contridictions of his feelings and his loyalty to his family. That's why I like him as a character. I based his appearance off the nameless death eater in HBP who escapes with Draco and Snape. I thought it would be interesting if Lucius had a brother, too. Thanks for the review.


Name: FaunaCaritas (Signed) · Date: 09/14/07 15:36 · For: Yellow Roses and Daisies
I like your work so much. This is an excellent example of what you do best-- the original and unexpected. Your decision to use the second person combined with Marcus' letters is fresh and thought-provoking. I don't think many authors could pull it off, but you managed to perfectly convey the mood and atmosphere you described on your author's note: the slightly disjointed thoughts a confused child-- that indescribable mixture of what is handed down from elders and what comes to be in the individual child.

This story fits well with the style you chose for Fools in Love. The two together give a rounded, complete idea of who Marcus was and were he came from, why he is different and yet why he complies outwardly with his family's creed.

Superb! Keep writing (and please don't abandon Warped Image-- I'm hooked!)

Pax.

Author's Response: Aww. Sorry Warped Image failed. :( A sub-plot as been revamped -- with better writing -- in Accursed Miracle. I found myself wanting to write different characters, so I did. I'm glad you liked Fools in Love, too. It's a bit sappier than my usual fare, but meh. What do you do? I hope more unexpected stuff starts flowing from my brain soon. :) Marcus may return (because I know what happens to him after Fools in Love), and he's such an interesting character for me to write. He seems to fit well into the Potterverse and the tangled lives of the Malfoy family.

Author's Response: Aww. Sorry Warped Image failed. :( A sub-plot as been revamped -- with better writing -- in Accursed Miracle. I found myself wanting to write different characters, so I did. I'm glad you liked Fools in Love, too. It's a bit sappier than my usual fare, but meh. What do you do? I hope more unexpected stuff starts flowing from my brain soon. :) Marcus may return (because I know what happens to him after Fools in Love), and he's such an interesting character for me to write. He seems to fit well into the Potterverse and the tangled lives of the Malfoy family.

Author's Response: Aww. Sorry Warped Image failed. :( A sub-plot as been revamped -- with better writing -- in Accursed Miracle. I found myself wanting to write different characters, so I did. I'm glad you liked Fools in Love, too. It's a bit sappier than my usual fare, but meh. What do you do? I hope more unexpected stuff starts flowing from my brain soon. :) Marcus may return (because I know what happens to him after Fools in Love), and he's such an interesting character for me to write. He seems to fit well into the Potterverse and the tangled lives of the Malfoy family.


You must login (register) to review.