Reviewer: Beefsister
Date: 02/21/10 20:35
Chapter: The Cave

Wasn't Dumbledore reliving his own past in the cave? :?

I thought it was because he was feeling guilty about being a selfish bastard as a young man and having let his sister die, and being with Gellert, etc...

Eh, but I don't know. I didn't read the book, but I'm in a yahoo group, and they made it sound like he just felt super guilty about his fling with Grindelwald, and letting his family down.

Reviewer: pandafan81
Date: 08/22/07 15:54
Chapter: The Cave

EDIT:

“Tom, leave us alone. You know that you’re just trying to annoy us,” Little Amy said softly, trying not to lash out at the boy. She usually wasn’t so callous towards anyone; she just didn’t like Tom, and didn’t want to have anything to do with him. Especially after what happened to her friend Billy’s rabbit.
I think this line is out of place. Because if Amy had such negavite reservations about Tom, then he wouldn't have been able to lure her into the cave. Even with the promise of a puppy.

Sorry, cut and paste error seem to be my specialty today

Author's Response: :) ~Lindsey :)

Reviewer: pandafan81
Date: 08/22/07 15:46
Chapter: The Cave

Oh no! no no no no no! I lost that HUGE review I just did for you! *headdesk* I even tried cutting and pasting so that I wouldn't lose it, and it's still gone! GUH!

Okay, so I'm going to try this again, and hopefully I can get back a 10th of what I had to say. *headdesk, headdesk, headdesk*

I know that I'm completely remiss in getting this SPEW review done for you. I feel horrible that it took me so long, but better late than never I hope. *hug*

I had a hard time picking wich of your treasures to read, and rest assured, I'll be coming back! The reason I picked this one, was that, even after we do know what Dumbledore was seeing that fateful night, I liked the idea of seeing what you thought. That Voldemort would make someone relive one of his proudest moments, to boast and torture at the same time.

I really liked how you had the scenes swapping between what Harry was witnessing, to what Dumbledore was experiencing. Very nicely done.

I especially liked the line: It felt odd to Albus to be in a time that he used to be in, but the confusion Apparated from his mind as he followed the two other children.
So often people use magical words in everyday sayings, and it usually sounds corny. But I like how you've used the word Apparate to your advantage. I could see Dumbledore being curious, and suddenly being swept up into what he was witnessing- rather than disappearing, or vanishing, the curiosity Apparated away. A very good image.

It felt odd to Albus to be in a time that he used to be in, but the confusion Apparated from his mind as he followed the two other children.
I think this line is out of place. Because if Amy had such negavite reservations about Tom, then he wouldn't have been able to lure her into the cave. Even with the promise of a puppy.

But I liked Dennis' reaction to Tom, calling him a freak. Everyone is obviously aware of Tom's reputation, and that's definately something a young boy would call another. Very in-character for a kid Dennis' age.

Tom tried not to cry. He wasn’t a freak. He didn’t want to show them his weaknesses- he wanted to stay strong. He wanted to act like a grown man- accept what awful things that happened to you every once in a while and believe it. He wanted to be normal, and just forget it and walk away.
I'm not sure about this section. I think Tom is beyond wanting to fit in at this point. He wants to stand out, be above everyone else. He dislikes his own name, Tom, because it's too normal. I think he would only respond in anger-- probably silent, calculating anger-- rather than hurt.

“Dennis, stop being stupid. He can’t possibly do anything to us. He’s just found something interesting in a cave and wants to show his friends.”
Again, I think Amy's reactions are misplaced. If she's so afraid of him, or dislikes him, then why would she even be tempted to follow. Maybe we just need to see Tom being more... persuasive, charming, to Amy, to lure her, despite Dennis' protests.

Tom looked up at the two other children with him menacingly. He knew why he had brought them here. To make them pay for what he had done to them. Dennis had knocked him to the ground and basically spat on him- Amy hadn’t done anything, but she was in the room, and he couldn’t chance her telling on him to Mrs. Cole for what he did to Dennis. She would have to be punished as well.
I think there's a continuity issue here. Because I thought Dennis had knocked Tom down at the picnic, so they wouldn't have been in a room. OR, did this happen before the picnic, and Tom is just now seeking revenge?

“AMY! AMY! WAKE UP!” the boy cried at her numerous times. That was all that you heard for a few minutes literally- Dennis screaming. Then, Tom found the mouse again.
I think you ought to remove the "you" in this section, and replace it, so it reads: That was all that Dumbledore heard... We are experiencing this through Dumbledore's eyes, not our own.

Dumbledore looked at Tom painfully, but sympathetically. He felt sorry for the boy- having to resort to hurting the poor boy and girl like this just when one of them pushed him to the ground.
I disagree, I don't think Dumbledore would feel any sympathy for Tom. Dumbledore believed in forgiveness, and I don't think he would feel sorry for a boy purposly inflicting such pain, over such a slight offense.

[Amy's eyes] were full of terror, and he was glad of it.
Yes, that's the perfect characterization for Tom at this point.

When Amy wakes up, her light blue eyes open, but they are not lively and dancing any longer. They are now dead, boring.
I love the contrast here. Amy's once nieve, innocent, bright eyes are dulled. It shows just how much she's affected by the experience.

When Dennis awakes in the middle of the night in pure darkness, he always screams, “Please make it stop, I know I did wrong, oh please make it stop and I’ll never, never again . . .”
And I love that Dennis' words are exacly what Dumbledore says.

I love how we see Dumbledore's reactions in the cave with Harry. But I think he ought to be more distraught in the memory. I think it would be torture for him to witness these acts. I don't think he could "stroll" or "turn away". I could see him reacting, trying desperately trying to stop Tom, and not being able to change a thing.

And I don't think you need the disclaimer at the end in the author's note. Both points come through the story very clearly.

My, this sounds so critical and negative, but I truely enjoyed the story. I think you've come up with a very plausible version of those memories. I think Dumbledore WOULD be horrified by what he saw, and that Tom would want to boast about his most horrific acts. And these memories would be the worst, because Tom wasn't aware that he was a wizard at the time, he just knew that he could make people hurt, and purposely chose to do so. *shiver*

Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much for finally getting to this review, Amanda. I really appreciate the time (double time!) that it took you to do it as well. ~Lindsey :)

Reviewer: pandafan81
Date: 08/22/07 15:05
Chapter: The Cave

When Dennis awakes in the middle of the night in pure darkness, he always screams, “Please make it stop, I know I did wrong, oh please make it stop and I’ll never, never again . . .”

Author's Response: :) ~Lindsey :)

Reviewer: tatjanablack
Date: 07/15/07 11:09
Chapter: The Cave

I think this was a excellent story. This is also what I think DD saw.

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I enjoyed writing it and think the same. ~Lindsey :)

Reviewer: Fred the Duck
Date: 05/24/07 15:47
Chapter: The Cave

that was good, gruesome, but good. well written, but apparently Amy has multi colored eyes.

Author's Response: Thanks so much! Oooh, and I know that she has multi-coloured eyes . . . I just haven't gone back and changed them. :) Thanks so much! ~Lindsey :)

Reviewer: telmasif
Date: 05/13/07 12:16
Chapter: The Cave

wow.
masterpiece.

Author's Response: Aw, thanks so very much! That really made my day! ~Lindsey :)

Reviewer: Colores
Date: 03/29/07 16:48
Chapter: The Cave

Wow that was really good! I really liked how you incorporated a scene that Jo talked about, but never really described in great detail. It was a very creative thing for Dumbledore to witness. Awesome writing!

Author's Response: *giggles* Aw . . . thanks so much! I'm so glad that you liked it. ~Lindsey :)

Reviewer: BloodRayne
Date: 03/23/07 13:09
Chapter: The Cave

I like the fact that you incorporated that Dumby might be speaking for the children, because I don't think Dumby is the type to scream like that while watching such a memory. He's seen worse. So having the children sort of speak through him is much more realistic.

Tom looked Amy straight back in her hazel eyes. They were fiery- full of passion. Her blue eyes danced with anger.

I don't understand. Are her eyes blue or hazel?

Tom had been proud of what he had done to this children when he was child,

Shouldn't that be thesechildren?

Sorry, I'm being nitpicky today for some reason, but I think your story was very good all the same. A perfectly reasonable explanation for what Dumby saw.



Author's Response: Thanks! I will go back and change the part about her eyes. Thanks for telling me. Im glad that you liked it.

Reviewer: Sergmaster00
Date: 03/21/07 15:55
Chapter: The Cave

Interesting idea.
I have no idea abaut what DD saw in that cave so that may just be it.

Author's Response: *giggles* Thanks SO much for reading! ~Lindsey :)

Reviewer: phoenix_93
Date: 03/21/07 13:31
Chapter: The Cave

expertly written, well done :)

Author's Response: Thank you SO much, my first reviewer! ~Lindsey :)

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