MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Indigoenigma (Signed) · Date: 01/21/08 11:24 · For: Asphyxiating the life
Hokey --

Brilliant story you have here! The imagery is especially powerful. I think that the description of everything around the Gaunt house being "dead" was quite fitting.
I also liked how Dumbledore acted in this story. He seemed to have just the right amount of inner humor, perserverance, and dedication.
Excellent job!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you think so :)

Name: bertiebott12 (Signed) · Date: 01/21/08 7:41 · For: Asphyxiating the life
Wow, that was powerful! I loved the feeling of everything being dead....

But, I do have a few questions. Why was Dumbles wearing midnight blue robes? Were there Muggles around, or was he invisible? Also, why did he smile? Was he thinking something along the lines of: You can do better than this, Tom?
Great fic!

Author's Response: Ah, well... some questions are for you to answer ;) Thanks for R&R!

Name: TheBlackSister (Signed) · Date: 01/19/08 10:46 · For: Asphyxiating the life
Very good imagery! I could see it all in my mind's eye. It has (to me, at least) a definite "The Lord of the Rings" feel to it, which is an interesting touch. Good Job!

Author's Response: Thanks!! :)

Name: crazy_purple_hp_freak (Signed) · Date: 05/13/07 16:43 · For: Asphyxiating the life
*crosses fingers and hopes that the review posts*

Wow Jen, this story is really something and so deserved that honourable mention; well done!

I love the atmosphere you’ve created throughout, of mystery and death and things-we-are-not-quite-sure-about. :D The ongoing theme of the burnt twig and the ash is so clever as it makes the ending with the ring and the burnt down house so much more effective. Your descriptions in this story are always so vivid and realistic; I love the style. And I like the way that you’ve described the effects of the ring – it’s not overly described or exaggerated as in some stories; this is just right. We can almost feel Dumbledore’s pain and the power of the ring/its enchantment…wow.

An eerie silence lay over the scene, as if everything that once had lived there was now dead. Nothing of any colour other than deathly black or dusty grey was in sight.
This is amazing. I personally am an imagery lover so this story is to me. This part sets the atmosphere so well and it helped me to picture the scene, which is something I always like to do in a story. It tells us a lot about the sort of place it is – though we see in the Pensive that the Gaunt house may once have been wild/colourful, it is dead now.

A simple, gold ring lay innocently upon a piece of stone, bathed in ashes and grime. It did not look much to the world, but Albus’ knew what resided in this ring. This made it far less innocent than it led its viewer to believe.
I love the concept of this. There’s such a sense of forboding here, and the scene is just so TENSE and FULL – it’s awesome. The idea of the simple gold ring amongst the grey ashes is so powerful, and really singles out the importance of the ring. It kind of makes me want to go make a banner. :D

I really like your characterisation of Dumbledore in this story. We see here that he’s powerful enough to destroy something like this horcrux, but at the same time he is not invincible; he experiences pain and loss, he has to struggle, he is HUMAN. Brilliant.
He had finally found the subject for his search, and examined it rather interestedly in his aged hand while breathing raggedly.
I also like your emphasis on his age here. It’s really put a stress on the fact that there is a price to be paid for what Dumbledore is about to do.

He knew that this was inevitable; that he had to endure this and that there was no point in delaying it. To this ring, one had to prove one’s worthiness.
Oooh this bit sounds almost Slytherin to me. :p Well, the part about worthiness anyway. And yet there’s undoubtedly an overtone of Gryffindorness to it, Dumbledore not shying away from what this task may cause is truly a Gryffindor trait.

The part describing Dumbledore’s reaction to putting on the ring is truly well written. There’s a real sense of fear going on, and like the cave scene in HBP it almost makes the reader start to panic as well.

This fic has a sense of triumph at the end of it, a sense of achievement at what has occurred.
Only one who could live through the trial of being flamed and flared into oblivion, only one who defied death when being introduced to it, could touch this ring and live to tell the tale.
I love the repetition of ‘only one’ – it almost sounds like a prophecy of the speech of someone really powerful. Flamed and flared into oblivion is such an incredible way of describing this – it emphasises the hell-like atmosphere that exposure to the ring must create.

Self-righteous and superior as he was, the man who had made this ring differ from other plain, simple rings, he had thought that the only one capable of this was himself.

Whilst I was reading this I felt that this paragraph was sort of ambiguous – like you were comparing Dumbledore and Voldemort, and their strengths. ‘Self righteous and superior’ is definitely what we know of Voldemort – his arrogance that he was the only one who was powerful enough to defy death, to create the most powerful curses, that he was the only one who could find his horcruxes. There’s a sense of savage triumph from Dumbledore here I felt, almost as if he has battled Voldemort himself and won – which in essence I guess he has.

You should be so proud of yourself Jen. *huggles* This story is awesome. Your imagery of the burning, your description, characterisation, everything…is just amazing. Well done.


Author's Response: Aww, thank you so so much! *huggles Suzie* The scary atmosphere was important to me; I'm glad you think I've captured that well! This is one of the scenes I wish were more thoroughly described in the books since it's such a special place, and I've always imagined the place to be all dead-looking now, since the last Slytherins are gone (save Voldemort). Haha, I never thought of it the Slytherin/Gryffindor way while writing, but that's so true! And I'd love (another) banner from you, I've just refrained from requesting from you lately, it seems unfair that I should take up your bannermaking time and leave none for anyone else =P *huggles board siggy* I feel so honoured to have such a great review. (Hey, you should put it up for the review challenge =P) I am eternally grateful. *huggles and lotsa <3* =) ~Jen

Name: mrsmcclnt (Signed) · Date: 05/11/07 15:35 · For: Asphyxiating the life

Since Dumbledore never told the story to Harry, we were left clueless as to how his hand was injured.

But you've filled in gaps quite well with enough detail and imagery.

It is worthy of an Honorable Mentioned, even though it should have taken First Place.

But that's the Slyth in me talking.

Good job!!

Author's Response: Hehe, we wouldn't be in the best house in the world otherwise, now would we? =P I'm glad you think I managed; I'm so curious as to what happened to Dumbledore's hand and now we'll probably never know for sure =( Anyway, thanks for reading and thank you so much for your nice review! <3!

Name: MJ_Padfoot (Signed) · Date: 03/24/07 11:49 · For: Asphyxiating the life
I love this! I've always have wondered what happened when Albus went to get the ring.

I love that you didn't tell straight out who's PoV this was until a few paragraphs down.

The description in this fiction is just amazing. I felt as though I was their beside Albus. This is amazing!

P.S. Thanks for the banner I love it!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you, MJ! Your banner was fun =D I'm happy you liked my story, 'cause I enjoyed writing it! Dumbledore rocks my socks! =P

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