Hi there! After seeing your banner over in the Badger Bar and being once again enthrawled by the dreamboat that is Richard Armitage (lol) I came over to investigate. Also I thought I recognised the name of your story, and I was right when I saw that it was my friend Hayley who beta read this for you :D.
Okay, firstly wow. Seriously. This is the first founder era fic that I've read and I thought it was amazing! To say this is your first fanfiction you've done a fantastic job! *applauds*
Such a situation could only lead to increased mistrust.... and burnings.
I presume that the burnings refer to witch burnings here? I just liked the fact that you nicely set the historical context here :).
My dear lady, how much magic could one of such low blood do without training?
I love how you write Salazar's condescending attitude towards Muggles.
Godric caught up Helga’s hand and kissed it.
Aww so sweet ^_^
Helga’s laugh sparkled
This phrase sounded a little weird to me. I'm not quite sure a laugh can sparkle. Also, to make for easier reading you might consider making the gaps between the paragraphs a little smaller :)
“You are so poetic with your words, Godric. Can you fight so eloquently?” Salazar rose from his seat, grinning.
Hehe, I love this bit, it really made me smile. I lloved the banter between the two of them, they act like little school boys themselves.
“Oh, let them fall, and we shall all go down simultaneously in a fiery blaze, happy together.”
Awww, so nice and fluffy :D. It's great how you show how deep their friendship was before everything went wrong. Reading this I feel that I've been transported back in time, the language and the proprietry is magnificently written.
Congratulations on having this make the featured storis list, I can see why! I can't believe you haven't gotten more reviews for this, because, based on the first chapter alone, you deserve them :D.
I'm off to read the next chapters, thanks for a great read :).
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback, Whit. In particular: if you know how I can make the extra space between paragraphs disappear, let me know, because it drives me crazy, too. I'm not really sure how it happened in the first place. Also, I suppose having a laugh sparkle is a little weird.... but it made sense in my head, so I never stopped to consider it. Thanks so much for your kind words. I look forward to more Badger Bar discussions!
This Is amazing, so powerful, simple and I like the irony too. The characterization is so well done.This is outstanding
Author's Response: Thank you for the compliment. I am quite the fan of irony, myself.
How sad! Almost crying here... But a really good portrayal of what the relationships between the founders was like. It's great how you don't show any of the four as being better than the others and the irony in the end is really sad. This is definitely a great fic! I hope you write more soon!
Author's Response: Thank you very much. I enjoying employing irony. As for writing more soon.... I'm working on getting a piece up right now.
Wow. This story is so amazing.
I mean seriously.
Its so deep, so complicated, yet its so simple... if you get what I mean...
Yeah, you probably dont. But just know that this story absolutely stunned me; I wasnt expecting it to be this great. Its wonderful, so, wow, great job!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that I Exceeded Expectations. Maybe I'll be Outstanding next time? ;-)
oh, i know i just reviewed, but i was looking at eponine's review and how they said that everything you write has significance; i totally agree, and it makes me think of margaret atwood. i don't know if you are familiar with her writing, but my english class just read the handmaid's tale and i fould that every single sentence in that book was infused with meaning--i feel the same way about your story! again, excellent job on your first fic!
Author's Response: Maragaret Atwood.... now that is quite a compliment! Oh, and don't ever worry about reviewing a second time. ;-) Thank you again!
wow. this is excellent. i'm not a huge founder-fic fan, but this was very good. i loved how you didn't overplay their qualities (e.g, make godric unbelievably brave and rowena so studious that she only likes to read and be antisocial) but they were definitely there. i think that it's good also how you didn't automatically make gryffindor the good guy and slytherin that bad guy. if anything, it was portrayed as the opposite.
the plot was wonderful--although this was only a four-piece fanfic, and there wasn't much of a really intense or exciting plot, the story was important, and you told it wonderfully. it was very believable, and i love your writing style. i could honestly believe that j.k.r. herself had written this (or maybe some other author, since you don't really have jo's writing style, but still--it could be a book!)
i didn't catch any grammar mistakes or spelling errors, and since i loved your story, then i guess it deserves a 10000000/10 (even though you can't rate the stories anymore :) great job, i can't wait to read other stories of yours!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the compliments to my writing style especially, and also to my characterizations. When I set out to write this piece, it was with the deliberate attempt of avoiding the paper-thin cliches. I am glad to see that you think I have done a good job.
You have created four wonderful portraits, and the twist that their strengths failed them all is beautiful. How I enjoyed reading this!
This is a wonderful portrait of Salazar Slytherin! After Chamber of Secrets, it is difficult to see him as something else than a medeival Voldemort, but you give an alternative. Voldemort haunts and kills muggles because he enjoys his superiority, while Slytherin feels threatened, truly threatend. It is a very interesting thought - and one of those thoughts that come better to its right in fanfiction than in editorial form. In particular when the fanfiction is well written!
Author's Response: I am very glad (2 months later and all) that you liked my characterization of Slytherin. I just couldn't believe that the others would be friends with someone as psychotic and evil as he is usually portrayed.... but there was that whole Chamber of Secrets thing, so his negative image couldn't just be blamed on cruel history.
Wow. This story is really exceptional. I donít read very many founder fics, but out of the few I have read, this one is by far my favorite. I canít believe it doesnít have more reviews!
I loved your characterization. We donít know a lot about the founders and a lot of founder fics seem to stick with the fanon characterization, but your characters really broke the mold, while at the same time fitting so well into canon and being completely believable. The little details you included were absolutely brilliant. I didnít notice until the end that Ravenclaw favored the sky, just as her Houseís mascot does, while Hufflepuff, just like her mascot, stays on the ground. Very clever. Gryffindor and Slytherin as well shared several traits with the lion and snake.
Your use of language, in both dialogue and narration, was absolutely phenomenal. The way the founders speak is very believable for the time period. Your final characterization of the Houses (ďSlytherin questioned the light, while Ravenclaw understood and recognized the balance. Gryffindor defied the dark, while Hufflepuff worked within itĒ) is such a wonderful description. I had never thought of it that way.
It was very clever of you to title your four chapters with the elements of each House. I didnít notice you had done that to the end. Everything you write is significant. I can really see the effort you put into this, and it pays off. You have such a wonderful story!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for that review! Yes, I know I kind of rocked the fanon boat a little bit. I do figure it's nice to stretch our non-canon perceptions a bit occasionally. I really appreciate you noticing the work I put into this, and I'm glad you enjoyed it so much.
WOW. This was your first fic? Amazing job. I am thinking about a fic about the Founders myself, and although I disagreed with how I would portray several things, I really liked your characterizations and the chemistry of the group. All in all, an excellent fic!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I especially appreciate your praise seeing as you disagree with several ideas. Yes, I did rather think many people would disagree with certain ships and dynamics. I had fun though.
Author's Response: Thanks, and I have. The last chapter was just submitted to the queue.
This is a good story!! You did the old-fashioned talk really well!!
Author's Response: Thank you. I did try a bit.
A really interesting, fun-filled chapter. I've never read an historical story before.
Just one small thing:
'...surely you do not believe that a brother would betray his brother...'
You don't need to state that the first man is a brother, as it is obvious from your description of the second, so sounds clumsy. So instead you could write:
'...surely you do not believe that a man would betray his brother...'
Aside from that the spelling, grammar and general flow is excellent.
I hope you update soon, and congratulations on starting your first fanfic!
Author's Response: Yes, it does sound clumsy doesn't it? To be honest, that's sort of what I was looking for. I imagined Gryffindor as over-the-top, both in words and actions. Hence his extravagant gift to Helga, as compared to Ravenclaw's practical gift or Slytherin's subtle present. Thanks for the review, though, and the congratulations. I do appreciate it, and I'm updating pretty much as fast as I can.