From the beginning I was drawn into this piece. Your first sentence wasnít especially powerful or dramatic, but something about it really intrigued me. From there, I wasnít focused on anything else but your story. =]
Dumbledore is perfect. I donít think Iíve ever seen a first-person Dumbledore fic - although I have seen an excellent second-person, but I digress. Anyway, I thought you delved into his character wonderfully. His conversation and reaction to Snape was extremely in character, and your writing sounds exactly like him thinking. This line especially struck me as something he would say in canon. I have found in my sometimes drawn-out life that often those searching for things rarely look in the most obvious places, especially if they know youíre hiding it from them. Itís a great bit of wisdom, and something I believe to be very true.
Snape was just as good. From your other responses to your reviews, I see you were a little uneasy about your characterization of him, but I donít see why. Like another reviewer said, Snape was Snape. The whole time I was reading, I could just see this happening Ė when he claims he didnít murder Sarah, it was really reminiscent of him yelling at Harry saying heís not a coward in HBP. I think you did an amazing job with both of them!
I did spot one little error, nothing major, just a grammar thing. I could remember only to well the guilt, though I had been considerably less at fault than he. Youíre missing an Ďoí in your Ďto.í
Well, if you havenít gathered already, I love your writing. I think the best way to describe it, is lyrical, if that makes sense. Everything just flows perfectly, and is extremely descriptive. There are so many lines that just popped out at me as wonderful. My favorite, and believe me, itís hard to choose, was There was the feral gleam of hatred, erupting into the echoes of violence as his fist once again bashed into my table, his voice the colour of the thunder and the texture of tidal waves. That sentence is an awesome bit of writing.
I think thatís it. Wonderful, amazing job. I look forward to reading your other stories! - Melissa
/end long, fangirlish review :D
Author's Response: Wow thanks so much for this lovely review. I don't even remember writing that quote, but looking back on it is one of my favorites from this peice. Wow, thanks so much for the lovely review. -VL
You write very, very well. I love the way you described the anger. And all of the little details that no one really notices that make a story so good. I was going to enter this challenge, but I honestly don't know how to write Severus. You did a great job. Do you plan on writing your own original work in the future, just out of curiosity, because you definitely should!
Author's Response: Original as in not based around the challenge, or not fanfiction. Yes to both. Thanks for your lovely praise I really appreciate it. I'm glad you liked Severus, because I was worried about not getting him right. I thought I had dumbledore prettymuch down.
I enjoyed this story. It isn't uplifting in the promise of redemption. Indeed, there is an almost harsh realization that redemption is costly and guilt ridden.
Dumbledore is wise and in spite of himself, an optimist in his estimation of character, and is very true to the books. Snape remains Snape. There is no glamor about him, and nothing of the hero. He is human, and even as he accepts Dumbledore's proposition there is an uneasy feel at the end of the story. One knows what has been said, but we are left wondering how much we may trust the power of a remembered love against the corrupting fear and darkness Snape will be exposed to.
Despite the subject, which is one of hope, there is an undercurrent of bitterness and despair which seems very emotive. I very much enjoyed the meshing of the two.
Author's Response: I love your reviews, you leave delightfull ones. I'm glad you thought this story was emotive as one of my worries was that it wasn't. I tried out a bit of a simpler style here and I'm glad to see that it pulled though. I'm also very glad that you liked my characterization of Dumbledore as that was my main goal. But perhaps my largest triumph was in that you don't think of snape as a hero. I try to create unsympathetic heros and sympathetic bad guys (though there really wasn't a bad guy here), and my goal is to make everyone equally weak. I'm suprised you felt the hope at all, it was a dark peice. Thanks once again for your lovely reveiw. -Visceral Love