Reviewer: Maximum Potter
Date: 06/18/08 10:41
Chapter: Ashes of Stars and Rain

I really liked this, it was very interesting.

Reviewer: GreyLady
Date: 09/30/07 22:17
Chapter: Ashes of Stars and Rain

*lets out deep breath*

I have seen Draco/Luna before, but never, ever like this. This idea that you present, of each of them looking for what they lack in the other and losing themselves in the process, is brilliant. It makes perfect sense, and is truly original.

I really enjoyed the religious allusions. Luna is a such an otherworldly, almost saint-like person that her fall would indeed be like a fall from heaven. "He had afterall invited her to eat the forbidden fruit; he was the maestro of this dark game. He didn’t guide her out of Eden, but instead snuck in through the back gate into her garden, leaving her locked outside." I love this metaphor. (Note: "after all" is two words, and should also be enclosed in commas.) Your figurative language is absolutely beautiful, and it actually works to enhance what you're trying to convey, instead of of merely being flashy as it comes off in many other fics. There are so many stunning lines that I wish I could gush about, but I can't quote all of them. I'll pick a few

“I’m afraid.” The rain softened to let the light reveal the thousands of puddles. They were like holes in the rough fabric of earth and sky. Luna began to take off her shoes. She still loved to feel the mud beneath her toes, the power of the rude to birth the grand. Once, long ago, the universe had been one of these puddles and out if it, after thousands of years, sprung people strong enough to love this painfully. Now, she wasn’t sure if that’s how it had begun, but when the mud stopped friction and allowed her once again to glide through beginnings and endings, she could believe. This paragraph makes my heart stop. It encompasses so many ideas and emotions in one graceful train of thought. Luna was idealistic enough to believe that people can rise from the mud to become better than they are, and instead lost her soul to Draco. The puddles are beginnings and endings; shining possibilities and dreary disillusionment. The possibilities and shattered illusions become one and the same and she believes everything and nothing, and is carried forward because she has nothing to hold on to. So gorgeous.

"The hole that they had fallen in was deeper than the earth, and somehow they had popped out on the other side. Neither knew that on the Earth’s backdoor was a graveyard of stars." This makes the title work wonderfully, and for me, the death of stars is a symbol for disillusionment and lost hopes, which is very fitting. I love how it connects to the puddles as well. I would suggest reworking the last line to this, though: "Neither knew that on the other side of the Earth's back door there was a graveyard of stars."

"And she swore in a thousand ways, not realizing that every word she had learned from him." Possibly the most perfect concluding line I've ever read. It's so appropriate and...guh. I have no more words.

I think the biggest flaws that you have are to occasionally tell and not show, and to write something that doesn't make much sense to seemingly fill in space. "Part of her hated that he had made her see things as they really were, while another part knew that was the only reason she loved him. " You spend the rest of the fic expressing this thought so much more eloquently and less explicitly; you really could do without it, and the other lines like it. One of the things that didn't make sense was "raindrops tugged his eyes back open," as rain would close his eyes rather than open them. There were numerous other ideas and comments that were vague and illogical, so I would suggest a critical reread to prune out what you can.

Also, a technical error:

“Oh what haven’t we sacrificed?” There needs to be a comma after "oh."

So, in essence, this is a flawed but simply amazing fic. I'm sure that you gathered from my gushing that it left me completely exhilarated. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

Reviewer: GreyLady
Date: 09/30/07 22:16
Chapter: Ashes of Stars and Rain

*lets out deep breath*

I have seen Draco/Luna before, but never, ever like this. This idea that you present, of each of them looking for what they lack in the other and losing themselves in the process, is brilliant. It makes perfect sense, and is truly original.

I really enjoyed the religious allusions. Luna is a such an otherworldly, almost saint-like person that her fall would indeed be like a fall from heaven. "He had afterall invited her to eat the forbidden fruit; he was the maestro of this dark game. He didn’t guide her out of Eden, but instead snuck in through the back gate into her garden, leaving her locked outside." I love this metaphor. (Note: "after all" is two words, and should also be enclosed in commas.) Your figurative language is absolutely beautiful, and it actually works to enhance what you're trying to convey, instead of of merely being flashy as it comes off in many other fics. There are so many stunning lines that I wish I could gush about, but I can't quote all of them. I'll pick a few

“I’m afraid.” The rain softened to let the light reveal the thousands of puddles. They were like holes in the rough fabric of earth and sky. Luna began to take off her shoes. She still loved to feel the mud beneath her toes, the power of the rude to birth the grand. Once, long ago, the universe had been one of these puddles and out if it, after thousands of years, sprung people strong enough to love this painfully. Now, she wasn’t sure if that’s how it had begun, but when the mud stopped friction and allowed her once again to glide through beginnings and endings, she could believe. This paragraph makes my heart stop. It encompasses so many ideas and emotions in one graceful train of thought. Luna was idealistic enough to believe that people can rise from the mud to become better than they are, and instead lost her soul to Draco. The puddles are beginnings and endings; shining possibilities and dreary disillusionment. The possibilities and shattered illusions become one and the same and she believes everything and nothing, and is carried forward because she has nothing to hold on to. So gorgeous.

"The hole that they had fallen in was deeper than the earth, and somehow they had popped out on the other side. Neither knew that on the Earth’s backdoor was a graveyard of stars." This makes the title work wonderfully, and for me, the death of stars is a symbol for disillusionment and lost hopes, which is very fitting. I love how it connects to the puddles as well. I would suggest reworking the last line to this, though: "Neither knew that on the other side of the Earth's back door there was a graveyard of stars."

"And she swore in a thousand ways, not realizing that every word she had learned from him." Possibly the most perfect concluding line I've ever read. It's so appropriate and...guh. I have no more words.

I think the biggest flaws that you have are to occasionally tell and not show, and to write something that doesn't make much sense to seemingly fill in space. "Part of her hated that he had made her see things as they really were, while another part knew that was the only reason she loved him. " You spend the rest of the fic expressing this thought so much more eloquently and less explicitly; you really could do without it, and the other lines like it. One of the things that didn't make sense was "raindrops tugged his eyes back open," as rain would close his eyes rather than open them. There were numerous other ideas and comments that were vague and illogical, so I would suggest a critical reread to prune out what you can.

Also, a technical error:

“Oh what haven’t we sacrificed?” There needs to be a comma after "oh."

So, in essence, this is a flawed but simply amazing fic. I'm sure that you gathered from my gushing that it left me completely exhilarated. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

Reviewer: pabwozere
Date: 04/29/07 12:25
Chapter: Ashes of Stars and Rain

I was so moved by this story that I registered so that I could leave a review!
I couldnt have just read such a fantastic piece and not let the author know how brilliant I thought it was.
Excellent job! You clearly are very talented!

Reviewer: lily_evans34
Date: 04/22/07 17:12
Chapter: Ashes of Stars and Rain

This was a very impressive fic! The thing that I loved the most was the imagery. It’s been a while since I read a fic which such imposing detail as this. This first paragraph really caught my attention. Around him, fog billowed like heaven’s robes, dirtying its hems as it brushed against the grounds of Hogwarts. This line is so unbelievably gorgeous. The personification really gives me a better idea of the landscape here, and throughout this entire fic you write in such a captivating way; so rich with detail that it almost seems like something out of a fairytale.

Her blonde hair was oddly plastered to her face like melted plastic, blue eyes open swallowing the rain. Wow. This image of Luna is absolutely stunning. The part about her eyes seems very IC for her; even though it’s just describing her appearance. Luna seems like a character that’s full of wonder and thoughtfulness, and the line about swallowing the rain really compliments this part of her character.

In this entire fic, you managed to capture Luna brilliantly, in my opinion. It’s obvious that she’s grown up, but then there are those lines, like the one about the mud, that show her as the playful youth that we read her as. One thing that I thought was interesting was this line. Part of her hated that he had made her see things as they really were, while another part knew that was the only reason she loved him. I thought that this was a great way to characterize Luna. We can see that she’s grown up from the carefree person she used to be, helped along by Draco, but this line indicates that this wasn’t an easy change for her to undergo. This line provides a lot of explanation for Draco and Luna’s relationship, which I thought was excellent. You didn’t say how they got together, but you told about how they were together.

Another part that I thought was great about Luna was the paragraph explaining her loving the mud. I thought that this fit very well with the description that you provided above; Luna holding on to certain aspects of her childhood.

I also loved the way that you wrote Draco. Where Luna didn’t want to grow up, that’s all that Draco cared about. A typical example of “opposites attract.” Possibly my favourite line in this fic was “Then you know my answer.” And he left, his footsteps in the mud fading as a new veil of rain shined the ground. I thought this was very IC for Draco. He seemed to have his mind set on leaving, and I don’t think he would have been deterred by Luna’s wishes, as he said himself that he didn’t love her anymore. Not to mention that this created gorgeous imagery.

One thing that I think was a bit OOC for Draco was the kiss. It seems like he’s trying to move on throughout this entire fic, and then in that instance acts like he’s in love with Luna again. Personally, I think that what he feels for Luna is more gratitude for changing him - as you said with lines like “I’m redeemed because of you” - more than the lust that the kiss portrayed. Then again, you’re the one who really knows what they’re thinking; this is just my attempt at interpreting it. ;)

I adored the note that you ended this on; leaving Draco and Luna’s fates up to the reader. I think that this would work well with a sequel. I’m not saying that you should write one (as I hate when people say that to me), but I think that there’s a lot of doors you left open, yet not enough so that this doesn’t work as a piece standing on its own, which it does. :) Overall, this was a very impressive fic to read! You have a truly lovely writing style, and I can’t wait to read more of your work!

Reviewer: mugglegurl
Date: 04/12/07 16:25
Chapter: Ashes of Stars and Rain

Wow. I'm speechless. This was such a thoughtful story, and I'm really at loss on what to say. You're obviously a detail-writer, aren't you? Where I love dialogue and am horrible at details, you seem to be able to describe your world so... dreamlike. Because that's what this story seems to be-- a sort of dream.

I really love Luna in this fic. Even though she's changed, she's still completely in character. It's like you've had her realize that she needs to grow up, yet she's still, deep down, the same crazy Luna I love. The part about the mud proves that. The war has changed her, and her love with Draco has, too, but she still takes the time to stop and play in the mud.

The only thing I thought was weird- that I didn't really like- was how old fashioned and poetic Draco and Luna sounded. I realize that if they talked any other way the story probably wouldn't sound as good, but the way they talks seems to be all in riddles. :S It kind of confuses me, as if they are saying one thing, yet the meaning is something completely different.

All in all, though, a beautiful fic. I've read it several times now and I have gotten a new meaning from it each time. I loved the ending-- how you left it off like that. Very mysterious and makes you hope that you write a companion to this. (Okay, I think I only owe you one more review now :D)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review.

Reviewer: Gin_Drinka
Date: 03/23/07 20:27
Chapter: Ashes of Stars and Rain

Even though I love to write and belive that words are a man's most powerful weapon, I can't come up with a word good enough for this. I am stunned. That word works. Your descriptions are almost unrealisticly vivid and real. Wow. I hope you'll write more, anything at all, you are a great writer. Lol, I feel so silly in comparison.

Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much. =) I really appreciate the praise. I worry sometimes I have too much description.

Reviewer: FenrirG
Date: 03/17/07 0:11
Chapter: Ashes of Stars and Rain

Wow! You are an absolutely brilliant writer--I simply love this story. Your imagery is so real and so vibrant... I can almost see the ripples on the lake, and smell the rain as it hits the ground... seriously!


I've personally never found Luna/Draco to be very realistic, but you've portrayed their tumultuous relationship in a very real, believable way. Although Luna isn't acting the way we've grown accustomed to, she is by no means out of character--you really managed to show how Luna has changed, without going into too much detail or backstory.


You've managed to set a very bleak, hopeless mood to the story; that's something not many authors are able to fully achieve. I can almost feel the emotional upheaval Luna and Draco are going through... but it really leaves me dying for more--how did they fall in love, and how will things end? But I suppose that's what makes this fanfiction so amazing... the past and the future are so vague, leaving it open to the reader's own interpretation.


Now, for the nit-picking! I only have a couple small issues.. here they are:


“Oh what haven’t we sacrificed?” There should be a comma after "Oh". =)


Secondly, the last sentence is great--but a teeny bit awkward. Maybe it should be "...every word she used she had learned from him." Just a friendly suggestion. =P


I thought there was one more little thing I was going to point out, but I can't find it anymore--I was to immersed in reading the rest of the fabulous story. Judging by the fact that I can't find it, I guess it is absolutely fine the way it is.


All in all, though, you're a simply amazing author. Your style is beautiful and unique, and you've managed to bring a simple story to life with your wonderful imagery and descriptions. I'm very impressed--keep up the good work, and I can't wait to read more stories from you.


~FenrirG (Fenn)


PS-I see you have a warning for Character Death... but I didn't notice it--am I missing or overlooking something very important?

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this lovely, spew-worthy review. First and foremost your compliments were to rival the text of the story in their vibrancy and quality, and I thank you for them. Secondly, I don't think I could auctually write a long-term fiction in which they fall in love. (I don't know if I could portray it realistically) Which is the main reason I strayed away from that. The thing with rarepaires is that the only real way to write them is to write the trouble in their relationship, otherwise it comes off as even more unrealistic. Thanks so much for your nit-picking, I really appreciate it. I'll go in and fix those things right now. Oh and the character death was that Lucuis Malfoy was killed by Draco, but that's fairly minor. I'd just thought I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Reviewer: Natasha Johnson
Date: 03/13/07 17:39
Chapter: Ashes of Stars and Rain

Gosh, I remember sitting at my computer, betaing this story and saying to myself, "This is so amazing." I really, really admire this idea that you have developed into a story: That love is so powerful it can change people so completely that they'll never be the same again. Like I said before, this work is fantastic.

You begin the story and already their roles are reversed. I find that a lot of authors use the stories to color the actual changes of what happened between two people to make them who they are. But in this one, they had already been changed, and you dealt with the aftermatch of the changes, which is a new, fresh perspective.

Your writing style is very unique and poetic, and your word choices are wonderful. They accurately describe all emotions that I would envision in such a situation. You are quite a maestro with metaphors as well. The one about Eden and Luna's garden remains my favorite, lol.

So, all in all, fantastic job! I'm so happy that this has finally been published and now I can go and give everyone the link for this story! I told some people about it and they were very interested. You are in my favorites, darling. Take care!



Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for your lovely review I really appreciate it. I'm really glad you got the idea of it. I wanted to kind of convey the irony of people falling in love with another person expecting them to change. Often the idea that is explored is they don't change, but I wanted to look at the opposite. What if we do change but what we thought we like in ourselves we really didn't. Thanks. Sometimes I worry if my sentences get to convuluted, but you, my lovely lovely beta, helped with that tremendously and I would once again like to take an oppurtunity to thank you. Wow I am really flattered by your love. Thanks so much. -Visceral Love

Reviewer: Buckbeak22
Date: 03/11/07 21:42
Chapter: Ashes of Stars and Rain

This was desperately sad and had a very bitter flavour. I would prefer Draco to remain a villain rather than have Luna lose her radishes! Very well written, and I enjoyed it.

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely poetic response. Unfortunately love often works out that while we gain something immeasurable we also lose something equally immeasurable, usually in relationships we don't notice what we lose, in a situation like this I hoped to make it painfully clear. Thanks so much again for your review.

Reviewer: Moonysgirl79
Date: 03/11/07 15:27
Chapter: Ashes of Stars and Rain

Glad to see your chapter up. It's really well written! congratz!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for you're help beta-ing again Moonysgirl and I'm glad you like it. It's well-written because you helped. ;).

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