MuggleNet Fan Fiction
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Reviews For The Voice Calls

Name: xenophobius (Signed) · Date: 08/30/07 6:48 · For: The Voice
It has given me an idea too!!
I am going to write!!

Author's Response: Thanks! Just make sure they're your own ideas! *giggles* ~Lindsey :)

Name: MJ_Padfoot (Signed) · Date: 03/19/07 16:05 · For: The Voice
Creeepy! This is really good. It's nice to see what arguements the four founders had. Good job! MJ

Author's Response: MJ!!! *tackle huggles* Thanks so much! Yeah . . . it kind of is creepy. ~Lindsey :)

Name: Gin_Drinka (Signed) · Date: 03/02/07 20:46 · For: The Voice

Well, I thought you did a great job with the founders characters. They were just the way I imagined they would be. And you also did a great job of showing that they are still friends, even though they have such radically different opinions.

And I like the way you show how Salazar started hating anyone who isn't pureblooded. Makes us actually think he dsereves some pity. Nice!

Their argument flowed so well, too. I really don't have much to suggest. It was very good. And I didn't spot grammatical mistakes, but maybe that's what I get for living in a country where english is not the first language. Lol. But maybe you could be more descriptive. You don't have to, it was pretty descriptive, I am just a bit obsessed with all the little details. That's just me though.

Great job! And Go Hufflepuff!

Author's Response: Thanks so much, Gin_Drinka! Your comments made me smile! *smiles* GO HUFFLEPUFF! ~Lindsey :)

Name: Godric Farwell (Signed) · Date: 03/01/07 18:34 · For: The Voice
Wow! Awesome story Lindsey! I love how you portray Salazar so well. It really makes me feel like I understand how he is deep down inside. All in all, great story!

Author's Response: JD! JD! JD! *gasps* Thank you SO much for your lovely compliments! Call me! *giggles* ~Lindsey :)

Name: BlackClaude (Signed) · Date: 02/24/07 23:50 · For: The Voice
This is an interesting twist on the founders' story! It makes me wonder who or what the mysterious voice is, and also what its motivation is. It tells Salazar that he needs to accept that Muggleborns must be taught, but then it also tells him that he needs to go back and tell the other founders that he won't take no for an answer. I wondered if it was Salazar's own conscience, but the part about "hundreds of years from now" indicates that it knows the future. Hmmm, maybe it's Dumbledore's ghost? :)

Salazar and I are just having a bit of a disagreement like we always do,” Godric said. I think this says a lot about their friendship. The Sorting Hat told us that they were great friends, and I think you've shown how they can be, despite their differences. I also like that the other three wouldn't kick Salazar out over the argument, that it was up to him to be the one to leave; it shows their loyalty.

I found just a couple punctuation problems. A woman shrieked. “How dare you speak that way!” should be A woman shrieked, “How dare you speak that way!” and But then he thought, I’m not hungry,. has that extra comma at the end. Also, in this sentence, She had on a blue, flowing dress that resembled someone in olden times, that description is anachronistic. Since we're supposed to already feel like we're "in" that time period while we read the story, her dress wouldn't be of olden times, it would be modern. Maybe you could try looking up some dresses of that time and describing what it looks like instead.

Another part that didn't feel right to me was this: He only wanted the pure-bloods at his school, of course, but he didn’t know why. He figured that it had something to do with his own father always telling him, “Mudbloods are scum- they’re worthless, son. You need to have nothing to do with them, do you hear? It's good to show that Salazar is conflicted, but it doesn't make sense for him to say he didn't know why when you follow with such a very clear reason!

You've got a good premise here and a catchy character with the Voice, but I'd think there's room for expansion. I'd like to see a little more of Slytherin's conflict about Muggleborns. You could do a lot with his history and his father, and it would add more depth to his character. Good luck in your writings!

Author's Response: WOW! Thank you SO much for your review BlackClaude! Since this is actually for a contest, I'm going to go back through it and change what you've suggested. I hadn't even caught those mistakes, and neither had my beta. Thanks so much! The dress... I saw another thread started about olden times and their modern clothing, and I guess that I just ended up writing it from actually MY perspective looking in on Godric and the other three founders. Thanks for that catch, though. Thank you so much for your review! I'm going back and doing those changes, now. ~Lindsey :)

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