I followed your gorgeous banner ;), and didn't regret it for a second. Wow. This was just amazing. I loved how you showed Harry fall into darkness, and the way you dispersed Severus' quotes was really great. Very chilling and thought-provoking entry. Good luck in the challenge!
Author's Response: Thank you! I added the quotes in between as an afterthought once I realized that they were pretty good paragraph starters ;)
In my first review I said "I don't think JKR *would have wrote that" What I meant to say was *could have wrote that. sorry just wanted to make myself clear.
Author's Response: LOL, no problem
That was simply breath-taking. You are a truly wonderful writer. I'm at a point that I'm not even sure JKR would have wrote that. You have taken something so good and made me see the darkness that could be lying underneath. I had realised on my own that Harry could be a very powerful DARK wizard, but he chose to be good. But as his true journey begins, he may very well turn darker. Though he will never be truly evil because he has known and felt the power that love can hold. Your story was truly amazing, and has given everyone the chance to ask more what ifs and to see an alternative to the happy ending we all expect. You will be added to my favorite authors list, and this story will be added to my favorites also. Job more than well done. I can't wait to read more of your stories. 100/10
Author's Response: Thank you very much! :)
No, I didn’t forget that I was going to review something by you for that stunning banner you made me—just doing it at the last possible second! I hope it’s alright that I chose to review this one, but the one-shotness was calling me. *shifty eyes*
I was incredibly impressed with this fic, Stacey. I’ve read a few stories about Harry’s transformation into a Dark Wizard, but I’d yet to come across one that does it successfully in one chapter. Until now, that is.
I simply loved the narration—the way it was an overlook of a long period of time, but you included those little details that really matter. What I really love is how you characterized Harry—it was as though he was aware of his transformation, but was convincing himself that it was taking place for a good reason. He seemed to justify every action as a way to stop Voldemort, when we could really see what was happening to him. I think that the way you wrote him was very accurate to his canon character—very proud and independent. Even when he was changing, you managed to stay consistent with his characterization throughout. Kudos. ;) Your take on the deathly hallows was very original—making it into an intangible thought. I never considered it that way, but now it seems rather plausible.
I love the concept of gone in this fic. In so many fics, it’s portrayed as death, but here, it’s portrayed as darkness. In a way, that’s very true—being gone only when you lose touch with those things that really matter to you. The way you wrote the Dark Arts as calling to Harry was simply haunting. We could see him slipping away to that form of gone, but he was too mesmerized to see this himself.
My only nitpickism:
I had to hold on to that part of me - to remember what it was like to
I should have listened to him.
That first line should have some form of punctuation. Even if you want to cut it off, I think a dash would work.
Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this fic! The whole idea was just wonderful, not to mention the fabulous writing. I look forward to reading more by you soon!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! Your review made me smile when I read it. And I am so very glad you liked the banner :)
That was an amazing story! You are an amazing writer. This story was pretty sad and dark, but I think that's why I like it.
Author's Response: Thank you! :)
Stacey! *huggles* I thought I’d have a little read of this and I just had to review – this story is incredible, the dark atmosphere you’ve created is absolutely chilling.
I love the first person perspective that you’ve used; it really helps in incorporating Harry’s thoughts into the events. As I read on I could almost feel him falling into darkness, as he ignored Snape’s warnings. I felt like reaching out and shaking him and telling him to stop it. *sigh*
And, for the first time in a long time, I used a Light spell, because I knew it was the only way to defeat him. This really shows how far gone Harry is at this point. Without Dumbledore and his other ‘mentors’ to guide him Harry seems to have truly forgotten what the purpose of the war was, and why he was chosen to be the one who could defeat Voldemort. I love the last part of this line – it says so much. He is only using the Light spell because he realises that this is what he is supposed to do, he’s not doing it because he believes in conquering evil with good but because he knows it’s the only way that evil can be defeated…anyway, wow.
I tried to think of my parents, but I realized that I could no longer remember what they looked like. I thought of Sirius and Dumbledore, but they were gone as well.
Again, fantastic. The way that this story is written, we gradually realise as it progresses, that Harry is losing touch with what he used to be, he is forgetting what the real purpose of the war is. This part really homes in on it, emphasises it and makes it real. From canon we know how much these characters, Sirius, Dumbledore, James and Lily once meant to Harry. They were his role models, and he trusted their judgements beyond anything. The fact that he has lost even the memory of their faces is truly disturbing.
Harry’s denial that he is falling, throughout the story, is so realistic. It started out innocently enough. I got some books from Knockturn Alley…” That part immediately started the alarm bells ringing in my head. Anybody’s descent into evil probably started off as innocent curiosity – I suppose that even Voldemort’s fascination with immortality probably started out as a bit of curious background reading. I’m glad you used this sentence, it’s so foreboding!
The creature that he encountered was just CHILLING. You described it so well and I could almost feel Harry recoiling and trying to convince himself it was a trick because he refused to believe that he could possibly turn into something like that. The only part that I found slightly confusing was the bit slightly after that, telling of Harry’s new ‘powers’. I found this a little unusual that he could suddenly see all of these ‘aura’s around people. Was this some sort of test to see if Harry would learn to use his powers in a way that is beneficial/that his powers would not overcome him? I just thought that perhaps you could have made this bit a little clearer. :)
I was Harry Potter, the Chosen One. I would never fall to the Dark Arts. This line was so powerful – just wow. It’s quite ironic that when he was younger Harry didn’t want others to think he was special at all, just because the Dark Lord failed to defeat him. He wanted to be an ordinary boy, and yet here he is purposefully stating that he is above the rest and would never EVER fall to the Dark Arts simply because of who/what he is. Sadly, it’s a realistic thing to happen at this stage. *sigh* You’ve portrayed his character fantastically well and I think that this justifies his actions (to him anyway) perfectly.
I only found one tiny Britpick: And then, to humor him, I looked up “deathly”. Here, “humor” should be of the British spelling: “humour”. Other than that I think you’ve done a great job on Briticisms and grammar. :)
Finally, (as I think I’ve rambled on enough…) possibly my favourite part of this story is the wonderful quote. It’s fantastically eerie, it speaks truth and stays relevant throughout the story. Putting the whole thing in right at the start establishes the atmosphere clearly, and we immediately prepare for what is to be a dark story. Each time you quote a portion, it fits into the text before and after it seamlessly. Fantastically written.
Heh heh. I’m just finishing off your banner as I type this (saving files etc. :D) I hope it does this story justice. *huggles*
This was amazing. Good luck in the challenge!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the time and effort you put into this review, and for my banner! It's absolutely awesome and fits the story perfectly! I'm no good at dark, grungy banners and you did exactly what I wanted. Thankies! Now, onto replying to your review...
"I felt like reaching out and shaking him and telling him to stop it."
Good, because I did, too LOL. I feel like reaching out and shaking Harry all the time, actually. I think in the real books, his lack of wanting to do anything is what's disturbing to me. I wanted to illustrate how it could go the completely other way. "Was this some sort of test to see if Harry would learn to use his powers in a way that is beneficial/that his powers would not overcome him?"
Ding ding ding! Wow, you're the only person so far to realize that ;) Yes, they were a "good" power. Whatever the deathly hallows were, they were giving him new powers which each Horcrux he destroyed. It just depended on how he used it. Harry decided to use this new power against his enemies... maybe against everyone... so the power became dark, and he kept falling.
"My favourite part of this story is the wonderful quote. It’s fantastically eerie, it speaks truth and stays relevant throughout the story. Putting the whole thing in right at the start establishes the atmosphere clearly, and we immediately prepare for what is to be a dark story. Each time you quote a portion, it fits into the text before and after it seamlessly."
I had that quote in my head for months, I just needed a story to go along with it. And I added the quote in pieces as an afterthought, because the story showed Harry's progression, and then I read the quote again and realized that I had given myself some pretty good prompts LOL. Thanks again for the banner and the review! I'm so glad that you liked it :)
Ohmigosh! That was horribly wonderful. I loved the way you hid each characters identity through the use of really well-written paragraphs and greatly used adjectives. You did a magnificent job with the quote, as well. Either if you made it up, or looked it up, it was greatly placed into the text. I loved this fiction. Your interpretation of book seven and the meaning of 'deathly hallows' was mind boggeling. I can't understand how you came up with it. This fiction deserves to be read by many fans, it's really good. You've got a talent for interpreting things, and then putting them into words that are great. You've done something great here. Good job! 10/10 stars!
Author's Response: I made the quote up :D I kind of thought about every description, from every book or movie, about darkness and evil, and kind of came up with that. To be honest, I have no idea where I came up with that idea either. It's just... our prompt was to describe the deathly hallows and say what they were or whatever. I never saw the deathly hallows as a place - although, in Jo's world, that's probably what they are - or a relic. I see them as more of a metaphor. So, I just took it and ran with it. Thank you for that wonderful review. It made me happy :)
Dude, that was SO amazingly creepy...
And, to add to hermione_at_heart's grammar pickings, in the paragraph about the future Harry thing, you used the wrong form of "its" a few times. Just so you know.
Great job!!!! I love your work!!!
Author's Response: Crap. I'd been afraid of that. I always get confused on which one to use; and I am too proud to use a beta ;) No, really.. I wanted to be an editor, so I usally try and edit stuff myself. My sister is kind of my unauthorized beta reader. Anyway, yay! It was creepy! You have no idea how happy that made me to read that LOL. I was afraid I hadn't pulled it off. Thankies!
Okay, looking back, I sort of commented as I went along so I hope that’s alright! :)
Firstly, your second paragraph; beginning "I should have listened..." is very powerful. It set a kind of dark mood which interested me and made me want to read on eagerly!
One thing, if I may, "I was convinced more than ever that he had misspoke" Now, I could be completely wrong here but I thought when I read this it sounded strange and wasn't sure why. I think it is possibly that it should be either "...that he had misspoken" OR "...that he misspoke" You sort of have a mixture of both and it didn't seem right. Sorry, just a little suggestion but I'm by no means an expert! :)
I also liked your dictionary definitions and sections from the first paragraph a lot as it broke up the dialogue and brought in a new aspect. Good idea! It made me wonder at the same time as Harry!
“I told myself it was for self-defense.” Is ‘defense’ an American spelling? I’ve never seen it like this as it’s usually spelt ‘defence’ so possibly typo? :s
““You’ll be come what you hate. You’ll become me. Turn back,” it warned” Just the first ‘become’ has been written ‘be come’. Sorry, it seems like I am just being picky but really I am trying to help out! This is great writing :)
“I convinced myself that the thing I had saw in my mind was indeed a trick.” I think that the ‘saw’ here should be ‘seen’.
Wow, the ending was so eerie. I thought that this take on the deathly hallows was very interesting and the way you showed Harry changing gradually was effective. It was like his stubbornness that we are all used to, faded slowly and both the reader and him didn’t realise until too late. This is really good and very thought provoking! Well done and good luck for the challenge! :D
Author's Response: Thanks for pointing out those typos! ::grumbles at stupid Microsoft Word:: Spell and grammar check my foot. And as for defense, I guess that's the American spelling, because whenever I read the HP books I see "defensive" spells. And McKenzie used to take karate, and they spelled it "defense" too. ::shrugs::