MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Lily_rocks (Signed) · Date: 08/09/07 2:19 · For: Her
Cliffy. Good end to the chapter. I liked the meeting of Hermione and Draco. I am a bit confused but I will wait to read the next chapters.
Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm sorry, but there are no more chapters. :[ Glad you liked it though!

Name: Lily_rocks (Signed) · Date: 08/09/07 2:10 · For: Nosy Questions
I love the chapter but even more, I love the endings of your stories and chapters.

Author's Response: Hehe, thanks! :]

Name: Lily_rocks (Signed) · Date: 08/09/07 2:05 · For: Arrival
Reallly nice! You did a wonderful job on the memory of Draco and his father. Your stories capture my attention very well as I am sure, captures other's attention as well. Can't wait to read the rest!

Author's Response: Thanks for all your lovely reviews!

Name: LadyAlesha (Signed) · Date: 06/30/07 9:39 · For: Her
So it didn’t end up a real D/Hr after all. In a way I’m glad about that, because you didn’t get the chance to shatter my carefully constructed views about the couple and how they wouldn’t work, but then again, maybe it would have been nice to have these views shattered, maybe I’m really missing out on something here. *giggles*

I still loved this last chapter though, just like I loved the rest of this story. I admit that I don’t really understand why Hermione was lost enough after her encounter with Draco to find the Green Dragon, but without her there Draco wouldn’t have been able to work through his problems, because he would have never accepted a word of what Blenk had to say without Hermione saying it first. So in the end it all worked out fine and Draco’s behaviour remained in character throughout the chapter.

“Great. Go listen to someone else,” he huffed, trying to shake Blenk away. I love, love, love this line! It’s brilliant and so perfectly Draco!

“Nothing happened, alright? When you finally left me alone, I looked out the window and think I might’ve seen someone familiar, but I’m not really sure. Nothing to go write bloody novel about!” I think in the last sentence of these it should be ‘Nothing to go write a bloody novel about’, just to make it flow better.

This story is truly a gem. Draco’s characterisation was brilliant throughout and you showed the changes in him and his attitude very gradually and made all of them believable. Excellent work!

Author's Response: Anyone who has not read a really good Dramione fic is definitely missing out on something! *snort*

Well, it's possible that Hermione had other problems as well, but I was thinking more about how disoriented she was after seeing Draco, someone who she had had an experience with during Hogwarts. If you remember, the first chapter states that Lucius got mad at Draco for having feelings for a Mudblood. Their encounter may have simply re-aroused those feelings they had for each other, that had been tucked away after Hogwarts.

Once again, thank you so much for these reviews - they really made my day! I'll get right to those mistakes that you caught. Thanks again! *huggles*

Name: LadyAlesha (Signed) · Date: 06/30/07 8:22 · For: Nosy Questions
Lovely second chapter! Draco is still perfectly characterised. His annoyance with Blenk is very well done and, really, why should he open up to a strange man like that when in HBP he didn’t talk to anyone either (Myrtle doesn’t count, because she’s a ghost and couldn’t really help). I see Draco as a very private person and can see him acting just like you portrayed.

One thing I found odd though was that he hardly had the strength to stand up and knock on the door to the Green Dragon, but then he can follow Blenk inside and is seemingly fine until they climb the stairs, where he also only has minor problems. Judging from the first chapter his injuries seemed much graver and I would have expected him to need help up the stairs, even though he wouldn’t have wanted it.

On the other side he could hear Blenk ‘hmm-ing’ to himself, his footsteps dwindling away as he quietly spoke to himself, murmuring, “Impatient, no nonsense, temper…” as though he were memorizing a list. Oh my. *giggles* I’m totally loving Blenk and his analysis of Draco’s character. I can see why he would be someone Draco would hate/be annoyed by, but I think he’s incredibly funny trying to get a feel for who Draco is and what brought him to his doorstep. He reminds me of Dumbledore in a way with his seemingly random comments and questions that he should already know the answers to, especially when he asks Draco if he’s alright, why he is there and why he had to get away from his father at breakfast the next morning.

One tiny nitpick: Draco was out on his own, one of his once-in-a-blue-moon outings from Malfoy Manner. I think you meant ‘Malfoy Manor’ here.

I’m not a fan of Draco/Hermione, I actually can’t see them working out and have never read a story about them, but from your last few paragraphs I’m guessing there will be a bit D/Hr in the final chapter. I’m curious to see how you will make them work.

Author's Response: Not a fan of Dramione, you say! *huggles Dramione* [/pushes Alesha towards my other fics] Haha, kidding.

I really enjoyed writing the exchanges between Blenk and Draco. I love writing/reading witty!Draco. My beta and I also tried to make sure we were in depth with Blenk, trying to make him feel like a normal character who had been there all along. Thank you again for this fantastic review and for catching my mistakes.

Name: LadyAlesha (Signed) · Date: 06/30/07 6:09 · For: Arrival
Once again I am unsure what to say in the face of such brilliance. I really should delve into the depths of MNFF more often, seeing as I could be finding jewels like this story. I’m in love with your story, your writing and most importantly Draco and so far I only read the very first chapter. Spectacular!

Your characterisation of Draco is spot-on, it’s one of the best portrayals of him I have ever come across. I love how he is still sarcastic even though he is in pain and completely lost in a strange place, it’s how I see Draco dealing with hardships: sarcasm to mask how scared he really is, and that he is doing it in his own mind and then wonders about it shows, at least I think it does, that he doesn’t want to dwell on his fear, maybe because he doesn’t ant to admit that he is scared even to himself, or maybe because he knows dwelling on his fear isn’t going to help him any. Standing up to Lucius like that took great courage and I liked how you showed Draco to possess this quality that we don’t really see in canon a lot, but this very same encounter also showed his Slytherin nature, because Draco wasn’t ready to die for what he believed in and chose instead to flee when he got the chance, which some might take for cowardice, but it really shows that he can still think somewhat clearly even in a perilous situation like that.

Lucius’ eyes fired up in anger as he gracefully clasped his hand around his wand. I absolutely love how Lucius is still graceful and calm outwardly, even though his anger is visible in his eyes. Such self-control seems fitting for a character like him.

No! Don’t think about that, he scorned himself, trying his very best not to close his eyes. Every time he did blinked a black canvas of everlasting darkness played in his head. If I understood what you wanted to say here correctly, this should be ‘he did blink’, because after did you put the infinitive.

I love the image you conjure in this sentence, by the way, just like I love your use of imagery throughout this first chapter. You’re showing us how Draco feels, showing how the darkness seems hostile with the verbs you use, and not simply telling us and that makes it all the more powerful and dark.

What is this place? he wondered as he continued to slump down the road, the dark shadows and complete silence eerily creeping up on him. A shred of fear sliced through his body as he thought he saw something whip past him in the darkness. Swallowing hard as the fear chilled his blood, he looked around. For the second time that day, he feared for his life. Sorry about quoting a whole paragraph, but these are my favourite lines from this chapter and I wanted to let you know why. While reading I could really feel the eerie atmosphere of that place. Your use of verbs, as I said above, is splendid in showing us how scared Draco really is and then the last sentence of this paragraph, where Draco’s fear is expressed in words for the first time is immensely chilling.

Draco fell to the floor in unimaginable pain. It had no affect on Lucius, who kept aiming spells at his own son. A blue light. A red one, next. Yellow. Silver. Orange. Black. ‘To affect’ is the verb which corresponds with the noun ‘effect’, so since you’re using a noun here, it should be ‘effect’.

A very powerful first chapter, I’m completely hooked!

Author's Response: Ah! Thank you so much for such an amazing review (and the two others, which I shall get to)! I'm glad you liked my characterization of Draco - he is my favorite character, and I did love writing him in this story. In the first chapter, I think it's noticable how much more I wanted to show the 'dark' or 'fear; around Draco and the area. The next two chapters aren't as dark as the first, and it's noticable. . . but I hope you liked them just the same. Thanks so much for your kind words, and I'll go fix those errors right away!

*laughs at self for writing 'he did blinked'*. . .

Name: XhayleeXblackX (Signed) · Date: 06/25/07 18:45 · For: Her
Very good. Very good indeed. I really rather liked the Hermione bit, it was simple yet wonderful. It made you wonder what will happen next? Will Draco find Hermione? Will they meet again? Another truely amazing job dear. The way the Green Dragon disappeared at the end was brilliant.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your amazing reviews, Haylee, they're really so great. It's nice to hear any feedback at all. I'm honored that you took the time out of your life to do this. =] Thanks again!

Name: XhayleeXblackX (Signed) · Date: 06/25/07 18:28 · For: Nosy Questions
AMAZING! I love the flashbacks/memories. they are very well written. That Blenk is a really annoying fella isn't he?

Author's Response: Oh, he is! But he means well, of course. Thanks for the review!

Name: XhayleeXblackX (Signed) · Date: 06/25/07 17:52 · For: Arrival
Again, Wonderfully descriptive. This was one of my favorite parts it was so powerful and sarcastic in a way. Loved it:
“I hope you die a painful death before you reach that day. That way, when you’re rotting in hell, you’ll at least have something to think about.”

Nitpick: In one part you said "He wore back robes" instead of black robes!

This seems very intriguing. I'll leave a review for the entire story at the end though, just wanted to comment on this chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked that part. I wanted to show how much hatred Draco felt for Lucius at that moment. Thanks for catching my mistakes, and the awesome review!

Name: mrsmcclnt (Signed) · Date: 05/12/07 1:02 · For: Her
I loved this.

I've just recently became a Dramione convert, so I love reading stories like these.

I love how Draco has to come to terms with himself and his life after the harsh confrontation with his after.

And I love how the Green Dragon just magically apprears when he needs it the most. Hermione just happens to walk in when he starts to ramble about her. Then when he is able to come to grips with himself, the place dissappers

It's touching

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it, and I'm happy you understood what I was trying to get at while writing some parts. =]

Name: DailyProphetEditor (Signed) · Date: 03/19/07 9:01 · For: Her
A very different story, but I liked it. It's hard to picture Draco like that after HBP, but then again, who knows? He might have turned out that way. And I liked the Draco-Hermione interaction, it was quite realistic. 'The Green Dragon' was a neat idea, too, it reminded me of the 'Secret Garden'.

Author's Response: Thanks. The Green Dragon wasn't actually my idea, but I'm glad you liked it, or how I described it, anyway.. Thanks for the review!

Name: Red and Gold (Signed) · Date: 03/02/07 0:16 · For: Nosy Questions
I really enjoy your wonderful attention to detail- especially in bringing the character of Blenk to life, though it feels like he's always been a part of the books! I look forward to reading the rest of your fascinating story, and wish you the best of luck in the contest!

Author's Response: Double post. =]

Name: Red and Gold (Signed) · Date: 03/02/07 0:16 · For: Nosy Questions
I really enjoy your wonderful attention to detail- especially in bringing the character of Blenk to life, though it feels like he's always been a part of the books! I look forward to reading the rest of your fascinating story, and wish you the best of luck in the contest!

Author's Response: =] Thank you for this awesome review! I'm glad you think that about Blenk; me and my beta really workeed hard on him! Thanks for the review!

Name: NikkiSue (Signed) · Date: 02/20/07 8:44 · For: Arrival
Holy cow, Sarah... You nailed Draco dead-on. His thoughts and feelings and the conversation between himself and Lucius were all very believeable. I wasn't even aware this was a challenge entry when I read it b/c I just clicked on my e-mail link I got saying you had a new story. When I saw the mention of the Green Dragon, I got excited knowing there was going to be more... and soon! I look forward to seeing more of our Draco's mind. Nice job!

Author's Response: =D Thank you so much, Nicole! I'm glad you liked it!

Name: Wicked Wench (Signed) · Date: 02/20/07 4:33 · For: Arrival
I think you captured the emotions of an emotionally abused person quite well. I hope Draco gets his wish about Lucius.

Author's Response: =] As do I! Thank you for the review!

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