MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Nagini Riddle (Signed) · Date: 07/07/12 19:24 · For: It's Not a Love Potion
Teehee! What a fun read! This was awesome!

Name: sayiansirius (Signed) · Date: 01/06/08 19:22 · For: It's Not a Love Potion
This is awfully sweet, James. When I noticed that it was a Snape/Lily fic, I had to block out the knowledge that DH brought to us about their relationship. Even without that, this seems a bit believable.

I presume I’m right by thinking that this is either late sixth year or early seventh year. Lily didn’t start dating James till their seventh year so I think this fic would be centered around that time. With that said, you did a really good job with Lily’s character. She really sounds mature and trying to give someone the benefit of the doubt sounds like something Lily would do.

Snape was, overall, believable, but I think you could have done more to his character. You kept him “Snape-ish” but I still think that he would have given Lily a harder time. I don’t think he would have asked her to Hogsmeade so quickly. If you work on that ending and make it a bit more realistic, this would be perfect.

Your writing style is really good. You give enough detail for the reader to be satisfied and you write dialogue very well. Good job with that.

He had no intentions on going into the village but thought maybe he could catch his friend and persuade him to procure the items he was missing.

This is the only nitpick I found. I would change “on” to “of”. It sound a bit better.

It was the subtle aroma of perfume.

I like this a lot. I think that any other boy like James would just say it was the smell of perfume, but with Snape it is the different. The simple words subtle aroma add to his character a lot.

Overall, very nicely done!

~KC :)

Name: Hermionelookalike101 (Signed) · Date: 10/25/07 18:58 · For: It's Not a Love Potion
Ahhhh!!!!! REALLY good!!! I like this one a lot. Have you considered writing a sequel?

Author's Response: Not really. It was just a one-shot for a challenge. But then, never say never, right? Thanks for your review.

Name: DracosBaby_232 (Signed) · Date: 08/11/07 23:19 · For: It's Not a Love Potion
This story is proof that peple who hate eachother can get along if they try hard enough.

Author's Response: Very true ...

Name: KASK (Signed) · Date: 07/13/07 1:43 · For: It's Not a Love Potion
Wow! I loved this! I am a closet Lily/Severus shipper. Your characterization of Severus was perfect! He was icy and in denial, but at the same time, you could see the affect Lily had on him.And I loved Lily. She was just as I pictured her, confident and bright. I bet James is regretting standing her up.

What year were they in?

Great job! :D

Author's Response: Thank you for the review, KASK. I appreciate it. To tell you the truth, I hadn't really thought about what year they were in. This story was originally a quick response to a challenge we had in Hufflepuff House. *shrugs*. The only thing I really concentrated on was making sure Snape stayed as much in character as possible. I'm glad you thought I did well with that. Thanks again.

Name: Mariangelo (Signed) · Date: 05/06/07 17:15 · For: It's Not a Love Potion
Aaahhh!!!! I am so loving this. So many fics have the characters completely enraptured with eachother. It's nice to see that Lily can like James AND see that he can be a prat at times. Also, I like that she sees Severus for himself not some brooding, misunderstood Syltherin hunk like other stories. Very well written and your interpretation of the characters is very believable. I hope there is more to this!

Author's Response: Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Name: miss padfoot (Signed) · Date: 04/05/07 1:10 · For: It's Not a Love Potion
Wow, Skipper, this is so sweet! You’re one heck of a writer! I loved the way you write dialogue, especially. The exchanges between Snape and Lily were so much fun to read. And like you said, I wouldn’t be more surprised, and I’m sure Lily and Snape would agree ;) that this is the best surprise pairing ever. The tiny hints at Snape being jealous of James tied in perfectly with what we hear in canon from Sirius and Remus. Perfect.

And I have to say this about your Lily: you write her too well. While she’s usually characterised as the goody-two-shoes or a brat, you managed to strike the right balance between her funny side and her studious side. Her sense of humour and her curiosity towards Snape was especially interesting – she was just lovely to read. And I just loved the way she teases Snape about the Love Potion. Brings out the naughty side of hers that Slughorn mentioned. =]

And Snape’s characterisation was pretty much spot-on too. You captured the lonely teenager quite well and I liked the way he’s trying to ignore Lily yet is quite fascinated by her. Subtlety works quite well here. It’s interesting how he goes from having ‘a look of absolute disgust’ on his face to asking her out in the space of a few paragraphs and the whole while he didn’t seem one bit out of character!

Just a few small errors I noticed:

He had no intentions on going into the village but thought maybe he could catch his friend and persuade him to procure the items he was missing.

I would suggest making the intentions singular because it’s only one intention, right? And you might want to change the ‘on’ to ‘of’. It just sounds more correct that way.

Closer inspection of his Potions kit, however, revealed that he was short several key ingredients.

It would sound better if you said ‘short on several key ingredients’. =]

His eyes swept the snowy landscape one more time before he huffed and closed the door forcefully.

Loved the alliteration but I’m not too sure about ‘huffed’. Snape doesn’t strike me as someone who huffs –that sounds more like something Slughorn or someone would do. I’m getting a bit too nitpicky, aren’t I?

Oh, and you seem to have missed the ‘s here:

Snape’s eyes narrowed and his face became nearly as red one of the Gryffindor banners hanging high up in the rafters.

Apart from those really small errors, great story! I loved the simplicity of it. Great work, Skipper! Keep writing, mate!

Author's Response:

Hey, miss padfoot, thanks so much for the nice review. I was just looking at the corrections you suggested. I will be making some corrections when I have a minute. Thanks very much for pointing out things for me to fix. I honestly do appreciate feedback like that.

When I started this one, I just wanted to write something that wasn’t going to be a fluff bomb. It was for a Valentine’s Day Challenge and I could just hear all the “I love you” and “I love you too” bombs failing from the sky like it was raining. That’s why it had to be Snape. I just can’t see Snape doing anything “fluffy”.

I think some one like Lily is almost the perfect person to put on the other side of that. I also am willing to bet Snape hated James because he had a thing for Lily (and lost out). All in all, it was just a fun pair to write. I almost thought about expanding more on this story … but, we’ll see.

Thanks again for the great review.

Name: h_vic (Signed) · Date: 03/21/07 12:41 · For: It's Not a Love Potion
Very cute - you managed to make Lily/Snape very believable and I thought Snape in particular was incredibly well characterised. He's a character who is often very OOC in a lot of fanfiction, so congratulations on keeping him so believably acerbic and resisting any urge to make him soft and cuddly!

Author's Response: Thanks! I've never seen Snape as being soft and cuddly in any way. Therefore, avoiding that pitfall was not all that hard for me. Thanks for the review. I appreciate it very much.

Name: JewellPotterFan (Anonymous) · Date: 02/27/07 10:22 · For: It's Not a Love Potion
This was really a very good story. I don't usually like Lily/Severus, but you made it so believable that it's difficult not to like it!

Author's Response: Thanks very much!

Name: phoenix_fille (Signed) · Date: 02/25/07 15:52 · For: It's Not a Love Potion
Hmmm... Very interesting idea. I always thought that Snape had a thing for Lily.

Author's Response: Thanks. It sure seems plausible to me.

Name: Gwinna (Signed) · Date: 02/25/07 11:10 · For: It's Not a Love Potion
Hey, I really like this. Though I don't think Severus/Lily is really *that* unusual of a pairing; it's one of my favorites actually. And it’s nice to see a good story about them that’s just cute and happy because most of the good ones that I've seen are angsty.

So anyway I think you did a great job with the characterization of both Severus and Lily. One criticism I suppose is that I can't imagine James standing Lily up considering all the trouble he takes to get her to go out with him. Also Severus is later on notorious for being able to deceive people so he would be able to look Lily in the eye and tell her he doesn’t like her, but I suppose he might not have that skill at this age, so that isn’t a criticism, just something interesting I noticed.

Overall I enjoyed it, so good job!

Author's Response:

Thanks for the review and you have very good points on your criticisms. You know, I just sort of slapped this thing together much faster then I normally do with other stuff I write. So, in all honesty, I didn't put a ton of thought behind it. I just wanted to keep them in character and if I could come up with a plausible scenario where they would get together.

Even if you are a master of deception, I would argue that there is something a bit different about deceiving someone you have a crush on. And, yes, Snape is only a fledgling of his devious self here in this story.

James on the other hand. I think it isn't that much of a stretch to picture the four marauders of getting into some kind of trouble on one of their adventures that would cause James to miss a date. I never say in here James missed the date willingly, right?

Still, all of your points are well taken. Thank you for the review! I appreciate it

Name: I lovesmesomeHarry (Signed) · Date: 02/25/07 1:14 · For: It's Not a Love Potion
awww so sweet good for Severus, just like him I think

Author's Response: Thanks ;)

You must login (register) to review.