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Reviews For Fred Gets the Girl

Name: Magic Muffin (Signed) · Date: 03/29/08 9:22 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
I love this! Your summary was so clever, and I HAD to read it! I don't think I would have minded all the chocolate...=D

Name: Starmaiden (Signed) · Date: 12/15/07 15:57 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
I never left you a real review for this! Well. Here’s one, then. I just reread this and it’s so much more amazing than it was originally!

Great characterisation. Everyone is human (especially the twins, who are often difficult) and true to canon. Things like this, combining characterisation and wit:
“I don’t know if Mum can pretend that well,” Fred said, and at that moment the woman in question swooped down on them.

“Probably aren’t too fussed,” Fred muttered, grabbing an eclair and stuffing it into his mouth so Angelina wouldn’t ask what he meant.
GAH. That made me laugh so hard. It’s funny, the language is perfect, it’s so very Fred…I love it!

The chocolate bounced off Tonks, who was clinging to Remus as she laughed uncontrollably, and began spattering around the room.
I love this prank and Tonks’ reaction. Perfect for a clumsy, exuberantly happy person on this day.

So that was a very brief, rather inadequate summary of why I love all of this so much. Yay!

Name: AngieJ (Signed) · Date: 10/10/07 16:53 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
I'm a huge fan of Fred/Angelina fanfics so I gotta congratulate you. Good job!

Name: GreyLady (Signed) · Date: 09/15/07 14:09 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
"I don’t know if Mum can pretend that well."

Ah, Leslie, I love your wittiness.

You write Fred and George very naturally and this one-shot is just so much fun because of that. It's very sweet; I really like it, especially the title. If you had done more showing instead of telling I think that might have improved it, but still, good work!

Name: Trueillusions1 (Signed) · Date: 08/05/07 21:32 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
this is such a cute story. Its so nice to read about fred.

Name: Valentinia (Signed) · Date: 07/02/07 8:23 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
Aw. I really enjoy Fred/Angelina and you showed their blossoming relationship in a very sweet way! :D I don't think George ever could keep something like that from Fred, but apart from that, this fic was realistic and very cute. Your writing style really gave the reader a happy feeling, for lack of a better expression. Great fic!

Name: I_LUV_MOONY (Signed) · Date: 07/01/07 17:04 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
I had wondered what would happen when Tonks got married. They couldn't exactly call her Lupin since that's what a lot of people call Remus. Godd way to fix that!

You got classic boy feelings very well. How Fred was acting when Wood was mentioned, how he was a little nervous at first, etc. Excellent job with that!

Love the prank! Makes perfect sense, too. Molly loves chocolate, and Remus loves chocolate. And Tonks loves anything Remus loves, so no one should complain. :D

The kiss at the end was great. I love the whole conversation between Angelina and Fred. Made the kiss more believable. And I like the line about George and Alicia being 'otherwise engaged.' lol Great job! :D

Name: luvme4ever (Signed) · Date: 03/28/07 17:10 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
very sweet

Name: wborodragon (Signed) · Date: 03/28/07 15:45 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
I absolutely LOVE this story because I love Fred and George fics!

Name: goGinny_84 (Signed) · Date: 03/23/07 23:53 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
For a title, you could try "Cake, anyone?"

Name: MorganRay (Signed) · Date: 03/10/07 20:13 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
First, I liked your comment about Tonks's name, and Ron's comment was really approriate.

Now, I liked how you developed Fred's feelings with having him be jealous, first. Because this is a romance, you keep to the lighter side of Fred's feelings, and this works well for the story. Even though I liked the double romance, I would have liked to know more about George's feelings for Alicia as well. However, you helped fill out Fred's personality when you had him admit that Angelina was better than any prank.

For George, I felt he was under developed because the focus of the story was on Fred. You made his relationship with Alicia more flippant than Fred's feelings for Angelina, but I guess this is what you wanted do to since the story was about Fred.

Name: Schmerg_The_Impaler (Signed) · Date: 02/26/07 14:45 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
Awwww, so cute! Though your portrayal of George was a little Fred-like, and your Fred was a little George-like from what I've seen, they're so similar anyway that it doesn't really matter. I love the Fred/Angelina ship, and depicting Fred as being shy around a girl is adorable, seeing as he asked her out by yelling across a room in his sixth year! I especially liked it when Fred compared romance to a prank: that's so very much like the twins! Great job!

Name: Ennalee (Signed) · Date: 02/26/07 0:35 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
*smiles happily* What a nice, cosy story to run across when working on last minute SPEW reviews! I was feeling tired and depressed and not-happy about reading fic (which is a sad state of affairs) and this cheered me right up.

To start out with, the dialogue is right on. Everyone felt very much in character, even the ones who only had one-line appearances (aka Ron). And the interaction between Fred and George (and Fred and Angelina) is well done, and really fun to read. I love Fred’s shock at not having realized what was going on with George, and his halting attempts to get close to Angelina. (The line where he “casually” puts his arm around the back of Angelina’s chair was so realistic that I had to stop for a moment and think of events in my own life. Um.)

The one suggestion I would make is to pay attention to your transitions. Transitions are something I find extremely difficult, because you want to find the balance between the conveyance of necessary information and the setting of the scene, and yet you don’t want it to be too noticeable. A good transition is one that you don’t really pay attention to. Except, of course, in the cases where it’s not, but I think in general we try and avoid calling attention to transitions.

A very good transition: “The girls did know where to meet us, didn’t they?” Fred said to George once they’d been relieved of their burden. This builds on information previously given to effortlessly take Fred and George from one scene to another, without drawing any emphasis to the fact. As readers, while we know that we’re in a new setting, we don’t feel forced; the movement between scenes is natural and calls no attention to itself.

With that, the party dispersed. The Weasleys (including of course Harry and Hermione) decided to stay up for just one more drink. This transition is slightly more forced. It’s far from being a bad transition – none of your transitions are bad – but it’s clunkier than it might be. We’re obviously being fed information necessary to the next scene. Instead, you might try and work the information in ahead of time, or just try and make the transition sound more like the rest of the narrative. “As the party began to disperse, the Weasleys joined Remus and Tonks for a final drink.” Or something of the sort. Watch out for signals such as “with that” and “then” – not that these are bad, and can’t be used very well, but just because they sometimes signal clunky transitions. The more I look back over my own stories, the more I’m aware of these transitions – they’re necessary, I think, in the actual process of writing, and are something that needs to be edited out, much like an overabundance of commas.

Anyway. That really was a very long note for a very short point.

And, although I realize this story is really about Fred, I loved the little snippets of Remus/Tonks. I think my favorite moment in the entire story is when the knife slips (and of course Remus was holding onto her hand, not onto the knife) and the chocolate comes out, and all Tonks can do is hold onto Remus and laugh uncontrollably. So Tonks! Lovely!

Lovely story, and thank you very much for cheering me up!

Name: phoenix_fille (Signed) · Date: 02/25/07 16:01 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
Sweet. Maybe you could call it something having to do with this "Acting natural around a girl isn’t so different than acting natural about a prank" line. Good story anyways.

Name: Indigoenigma (Signed) · Date: 02/24/07 20:47 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
Wow! Excellent job. I really liked it.
I love it when the twins are in romantic situations...they just have such vivid personalities that really enlived any story.
Thanks for posting!

Name: Crows (Signed) · Date: 02/24/07 17:40 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
I love it. It's terrific

Name: tpt42 (Signed) · Date: 02/24/07 17:39 · For: In which Fred becomes twitterpated.
Good story, I like how you manage to make Fred and George a bit more human that actually are scared or nervous from time to time.

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