MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Alise

Name: wizkid13 (Signed) · Date: 08/04/08 12:09 · For: Reasons Why
when is the next chapter up?

Name: wizkid13 (Signed) · Date: 08/04/08 12:08 · For: Reasons Why
when is the next chapter up?

Name: siriusrox26 (Signed) · Date: 01/27/08 10:54 · For: Reasons Why
I LOVE this story!
Great Job!
Please Update!
Except will you have more Harry?

Name: flossingstringmint (Signed) · Date: 01/09/08 18:32 · For: Reasons Why
Great story. Is this the last chapter?

Name: Binka Fudge (Signed) · Date: 01/09/08 17:03 · For: Reasons Why
I'm really enjoying this fic, perhaps thats the wrong word as alot of sad stuff has happened though. I'm wondering why Ginny decided to adopt at all, why she isn't with Harry and where Mr and Mrs Weasley are, but I guess that'll all come out in later chapters. It's better that way I guess, because if you're told everything at once there's nothing to wonder about. I'm going to guess that Ginny was secretly in love with Malfoy, or got to know the true man behind the Malfoy swagger at least, because she said Alise had his eyes and I thought perhaps she meant they shared the same internal struggle between being themselves and obeying an overbearing father. Sorry, I go too deep sometimes. And I'm also wondering about the locket, hope Harry and the Weasleys don't turn on Alize when they realise it's to do with Voldemort. Perhaps she should tell them straight away and they can all work out what it is, it might turn out to be a help in destroying him. Don't leave it too long before you write the next bit, because i can't wait!

Name: Heiress_of_Insanity_ (Signed) · Date: 12/13/07 14:26 · For: Reasons Why
*runs in and hits wall* I totally forgot to review for the lovely banner you made me! *dusts self off* So here I am.

First of all, I must say that Ron was a total son of a banshee in this chapter, though seeing as he's always been 99.9% insensitive...*is mad at the git!Ron) Would he have warmed up to her more if she had been taken in as a baby?

Lovely chapter, but there was one instance of awkward (or so it seemed to me) wording:

I desperately needed a comforting arm at that moment and did not push them away, as I normally would have done. I just let her put a comforting arm around me.

Putting 'comforting arm' in the same paragraph twice seemed...rough (it's a terrible description, I know) Perhaps you could get rid of the second 'comforting?'

Wonderful job! I can't wait to read the rest!~


Name: EllaBelle18 (Signed) · Date: 09/29/07 13:14 · For: Reasons Why
I love it! Please write more. And you'll give more detail on what happened to Draco, right?

Name: EllaBelle18 (Signed) · Date: 09/29/07 13:12 · For: Reasons Why
I love it! Please write more. And you'll give more detail on what happened to Draco, right?

Name: James Jameson (Signed) · Date: 09/08/07 14:49 · For: Reasons Why
aw, thats good! I know that ginny loved Draco, but I still think that she and Harry should get together and raise Alise by themselves. How do you sayher name by the way. Is it like "Alice"?, or "Al-eese"? I'm not sure

Author's Response: It's pronounced Uh-leece. And thank you!

Name: James Jameson (Signed) · Date: 09/08/07 14:45 · For: Imperfection
good one! this is going on my faves!

Name: James Jameson (Signed) · Date: 09/08/07 14:41 · For: Disowned
i like this! Whose kid is Sidney? That's interesting for me.

Name: cocomaloco (Signed) · Date: 06/20/07 16:56 · For: Reasons Why
Wow! you had it down to a T, i feel like you got all her emotions down perfectly and it wasnt an OTT style either! well done, looking forward to the next chapter, chow!

Name: Euphrates (Signed) · Date: 06/19/07 16:19 · For: Reasons Why
Yes! The third chapter is up! Iím so glad it is. Just yesterday I was looking at your Authorís Page and wondering when the third chapter would come upÖtrue story. ;-)

Anyway. Iím going to start with a bit of criticism, but donít worry, thereís tons of praise coming.

Önext to her was a man with his arm draped around her shoulders. The man, George, had now joined someone who was probably his twin, or at least, could pass for his twin.

Here, you say Ďmaní twice, and it sounds as if you are referring to the same person, but when you read this entire paragraph in context, you arenít talking about the same man, and it got a bit distracting. I was confused for a moment as to who it was you were talking about, in both cases where Ďmaní is mentioned.

Also, a bit later on, you use a lot of pronouns that seem unrelated to the rest of the paragraph/sentence. i.e. Youíll be writing about Alise, and then suddenly youíll say Ďheí, and I wonder who you are talking about. However, this was only a very slight, very small nitpick, and didnít happen as often as it sounds it did from what I just said.

Onto the good stuff. ;-)

I love the way you did the dialogue, Hanni. Most people overuse the dialogue tags (i.e. Ďhe saidí Ďshe saidí), but you, however, did not. You used little to no dialogue tags, which is the best thing to do when possible. It made the writing flow very smoothly, and I loved the way it was executed.

I also like harry and Ronís initial distrust with Alise. Itís very good characterization on your part of Ron and Harry, though more so Harry. Harry and Ron hate the Malfoys, so I can easily see them being distrustful. In fact, Iíd be angry if they hadnít been. Usually the hatred of the Malfoys on Harry and Ronís part is overlooked in fanfiction when it should not be, but you included it and made it important.

Great job on this chapter, Hanni. There was just so many more good things I could have commented on, but I didnít want to ramble anymore. Looking forward to Chapter Four!


Name: Heiress_of_Insanity_ (Signed) · Date: 04/24/07 18:49 · For: Imperfection
Ooh, wonderful! I really like Ginny so far in this fic! Is Mrs. Pensk a Muggle? I noticed one thing, though. It's not a big mistake, but I'm kind of nit-picky sometimes...When Ginny is explaining to Alise that they have to travel by Floo, she says, 'and it's to far to fly' when the 'to' should have two O's.

Well, superfabulous story!!!!!!! Please update soon!~


Name: Heiress_of_Insanity_ (Signed) · Date: 04/24/07 18:41 · For: Disowned
This story is really really good! Who son is Sidney? Is he like a son of the never-mentioned brother or sister of Lucius? Well, great sotry, 10/10!~


Name: Ananka Potter (Signed) · Date: 04/24/07 13:19 · For: Imperfection
very interesting....

Name: Euphrates (Signed) · Date: 03/17/07 21:33 · For: Imperfection
Ooh, interesting twisty thing with the necklace! I found it very intriguing.

I think this was very well written, Hanni - your description was very well done, which is great and refreshing.

Your characterization is good, too - no boring characters here! Mrs. Pensk was nice and rude (whoa, was the contradictory), and not just some drab, boring old woman who worked at an orphanage. Wonderful job.

In later chapters, preferably the next, I would love to see more about how Alise feels about her new mum/getting adopted/getting disowned. I think it would be a wonderful way to look into her character.

Okay, well, there's my thoughts on this chappie. Luck with the next one.


Author's Response: Yeah. In chapter three (which will be considerably longer, as Alise is introduced with everyone) there will be an insight into her mind, even more so than now. Thanks so much! --Hanni

Name: Crows (Signed) · Date: 03/17/07 17:07 · For: Imperfection
This is cool. Does Harry come into play later in the story? That'd be hilarious.

Author's Response: Yep. He plays a pretty large role in it, because he helps Alise tie up all her loose ends with her real parents and the life she left behind. So does Ginny. Thank you! --Hanni

Name: dumbledores daughter (Signed) · Date: 03/17/07 16:16 · For: Imperfection
please, please hurry up with the next chapter! I can't wait to see what happens next!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! Reviews like this make me very happy! --Hanni

Name: SecretEmeraldLily (Signed) · Date: 03/17/07 7:30 · For: Imperfection
This is a wonderful story. I really love Voldemort's plan to attach the necklace to Alise, it really was ingenious. Lucius will have much suffering for getting rid of her and the necklace, for sure. I'd love to read more.
~erin noel

Author's Response: I though the necklace deal would make perfect sense, and its something that you know Voldemort would do. Thanks for your review! --Hanni

Author's Response: I though the necklace deal would make perfect sense, and its something that you know Voldemort would do. Thanks for your review! --Hanni

You must login (register) to review.