MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: MoRoCcAnAnDpRoUd (Signed) · Date: 03/26/07 16:18 · For: Chapter 1
This was the saddest story ever :[ but I love it so much, I love Lily, and I love the way you portrayed her. Beautiful story.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad that you liked it even though it was sad.

Name: Chaser47 (Signed) · Date: 02/24/07 15:25 · For: Chapter 1
That is almost funny to say now; that he saved the world.

I think that a dash would work better here than the semicolon. Semicolons separate two different clauses. The dash would indicate the break in speech/thought better.

They are going to burry Daddy in the ground; I think that thatís mean.

Another note on semicolons here. Even though these are two separate clauses, the semicolon kind of runs them together. I think a period breaking them up would be a bit better. :)

The graveyard where he is going to be buried is right near my house, so I am going to bring him flowers every day; Iíll bring him lilies.

Same thing here. Period instead of semicolon. I love this line, though. It's so sad and innocent.

Are they burying a stranger as well?

I really like this line, too. However, I think you could make it flow a little better if it was changed to: Are they burying this stranger as well?

I canít kick anymore; itís too hard.

Yay! Nice semicolon use. :D

I look down at the grave stone thatís labelled Harry James Potter.

Oopsie! A little spelling error. "Labeled" should have one "l" here. *magically fixes it*

Wow! I love how you ended the story-- it was so bittersweet and fitting. You didn't sugarcoat anything, but kept it real and raw. It was a change from the innocent and young point of view that we started with.

A note on that point of view: I thought that it fit your story very well. You wrote the emotions of a little girl perfectly-- a girl that had more questions than answers, a girl that knows her father for more than just his destiny. One thing you might have wanted to include was something to say her actual age. I assumed that she was about four to six years old, but it would have been nice to know for sure.

Again, I really liked the summation of Lily's life so far at the end. It was great how you interpreted the ways that she was like her father and the ways that she differed. One thing I would have liked to see was a bit more information on Ginny and how she was doing. Also, it was just a tad confusing with the names of her cousins and such, but it was nice to have in there. :)

Overall, your story was very well written and you have a way of conveying points of views that a lot of other authors struggle with. Keep up the good work!


Author's Response: Okay, thanks for all of the suggestions. To be honest, I didn't really read it through with an editing point of view after getting it back from my Beta. I'll have to do that. Lily was seven at the funeral and fifteen at the end. I kind of put that in when I wrote about her waiting for her OWL results. I also wrote at the end that she had made the promise eight years ago. Thanx for the great review! ~Catie

Name: Crows (Signed) · Date: 02/24/07 11:58 · For: Chapter 1
OH, that's lovely, very lovely. You need to fix some spelling though

Author's Response: Thanx! I'll look into it.

Name: lily rose (Signed) · Date: 02/23/07 16:59 · For: Chapter 1
that was so good!!

It brought tears to my eyes!

Author's Response: Awww, thank you! I almost cried writing it.

Name: LoOnY_for_Harry (Signed) · Date: 02/23/07 16:21 · For: Chapter 1
That was really, really good! Admittedly, I didn't enjoy the part about Harry dying, as I don't think I could stand that! :D The story, though, was excellent. It was simply, yet well, written. I was in tears by the end! :)
Awesome job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Ironically, I'm not much for stories with Harry's death either but the idea just came to mind at some point around August 2006 and I knew I had to get it down.

Name: Dear Irony (Signed) · Date: 02/23/07 15:26 · For: Chapter 1
wow. that was excellent. great job. you really did great at protraying a little girl who just lost someone. it was so sad, but a really good story. again, great job!

Author's Response: Thanx! Reviews like this make me want to write more!

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