Very nice . . . One of my favourite theories is the Butterfly Effect and how the flapping wings of even something as small as a butterfly affects the outcome of things on the other side of the world. I appreciate how your story shows that there is no such thing as a coincidence and something as seemingly insignificant as acknowledgement from an old friend can make all the difference in one's world.
Great Job. I very much enjoyed reading this.
~Nicole/NikkiSue
Author's Response: I'm really pleased to see that you interpreted the message of this story so well. Thank you for the review!
Beautiful story! I love it.
Author's Response: Thanks very much!
Great story it is really easy to visualize
Author's Response: Thank you very much!
love it. that's really good; it makes you think, kind of. i like it.
good job.
Author's Response: Thank you very much!
oh, my God . . . this is so beautiful! the writing in this fic is unbelievable.
Author's Response: Thank you very much!
sad but good
Author's Response: Thank you very much.
This is a really good story. I was very happy with it. It really reminds me of the life of one of my friends. I can really relate to it
Author's Response: Thank you - I'm very pleased to hear that you feel you can relate to it. Thanks for your review!
*SNIFF** great story!!!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it!
Cool fic, sad, but cool! It's really good how there's a vagueness about the whole thing - you don't really know what happened, or if the war is over or still going on or why Lavender's parents died, you just know that they did and that Lavender is dealing with it. And it's amazing how you turned that little bit of information into such a touching one-shot! Lavender's feelings are realistic and very sad and you really characterize her brilliantly! The language really adds to the fic as well, especially Lavender's reflection on the stars! A really amazing fic!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I did try to focus on the emotions of the situation more than the details, yes, because it was really an exploration of Lavender's character more than anything else. Anyway, I'm really glad you liked it, and thank you for your review!
Sarah, you’ve got a truly lovely story here. Pat can be honoured to have gotten a birthday gift like that!
She knows she should have expected it. Everyone else had lost someone; whether it was a close friend or just a distant acquaintance does not matter. She could not put reason to it, but somehow she had simply thought that it couldn’t touch her. Oh isn’t that what everyone thinks? Very well done including that in her thoughts, I couldn’t really relate to Lavender before, but that’s one thought I’m very familiar with and it kind of built a connection between me and Lavender and let me feel for her.
For in her mind, if she does not enter the house, it is not real. Yes, another one of these thoughts most people are familiar with. I think it’s very important that you put these thoughts in there to make people relate to your character. I hope there are only very few people who have ever had to deal with a loved one being murdered, so it’s a situation that is hard to grasp for many, myself included, and I find these thoughts that I myself have had very good to relate to the character and get around the unfamiliar situation.
So, goodbye, Lavender, I’m glad to see you’ve survived it all. This sounds as if the war is already over and made me pause for a moment, because from what Lavender thought before I got the impression that it was still raging. But it’s not too distracting and what stood out most about this line is how such a simple statement can make a truly big impact on someone. I don’t think condolences or a pep-talk would have given her back her resolve, but these simple words did, very well done.
What I have to say though is that Harry telling her he would want to talk if he didn’t have something else to do seemed slightly odd. Harry and Lavender have never been close or talked much as far as I know. I think it’s perfectly fine for him to say hello and be glad that she survived, but I just can’t see him sitting down to catch up with Lavender Brown, there doesn’t seem to be enough of a relationship between the two for that to happen.
After all, hours spent in the cold often helps one get used to it. You don’t need the ‘s’ at the end of ‘helps’ here, your subject ‘hours’ is plural, so the verb should be as well.
Because of course the stars keep shining even through the dark. I think there should be commas around ‘of course’ to make the sentence less rushed and have a greater effect.
Overall a lovely story, Sarah, I enjoyed reading it a lot.
Author's Response: Thank you! I think he did like it, hee! I'm pleased to hear that you could relate to Lavender, particularly around such a difficult topic - when I was writing it, these expressions seemed natural, so I'm glad that worked for you. It may be a bit of a bad sign that I had to go back an read it to be sure of this [!], but it was intended to be written about when the war had finished. And I agree that a big long chat wasn't needed at all; and although I had planned the exchange to be a little longer originally, this just felt right in the end. The reason I give for Harry wanting to talk is simply that he would be glad of someone to remind him of how simple life used to be - in my mind, you see, Ron and Hermione are dead, so Harry has to clutch onto whatever memories he can. I've made the improvemnets you suggested - thanks for those. All in all, thank you so much for this lovely review, and I'm really glad you liked the story!
SARAH! *tacklesquish* First off, let me express my regret that I’d never read anything by you before I read your rare-pair the other day, and my thankfulness that I was presented the opportunity to read and review this lovely story. :D
Let me start by saying how much I luuuurve the first paragraph. I can tell from the gorgeous imagery that I’m going to love this story already. The line There are only a few stars in the night sky, but they and the crescent moon are enough to display the outlines of buildings against the deep blue of her surroundings does a fabulous job setting the scene for me; I can literally close my eyes and picture this. And also; hoorah for present tense! Where it can be rather confusing and angst-worthy to write [or at least that’s my experience], I really enjoy reading these stories. There’s something so genuine about them that makes me prefer them to past tense fics. It makes me feel like I could be there, really. Therefore I must conclude that you did an excellent job of setting this up so that the reader can really feel for Lavender.
Possibly my favourite line in this fic was: Perhaps she feels nothing because she has no reason to. Such a simple sentence, yet so profound in many ways. I’ve never thought of feeling as something that you do by earning, and yet, the way you present this sentence makes that such a plausible thought. She isn’t doing anything, therefore she isn’t feeling anything. It makes so much sense that way.
For in her mind, if she does not enter the house, it is not real. That’s another sentence that I absolutely adore. Lavender in this story seems so real. I love how you used this to portray her as a normal character; someone who never would have thought that she would be affected by the war, because nothing was supposed to happen to her. Going back to what I said above; you did a more than excellent job of making the reader feel like they could be in Lavender’s situation. In the books she’s just another character that I don’t really think about, but in this story she’s someone who’s so relatable. That’s really the key to writing a believable and well-fleshed out character. Kudos my love. :D Another thing that I really liked about this was that it was her parents that she lost, rather than someone that she loved romantically. It added a nice twist to your typical losing-someone-in-the-war story. The denial that she’s feeling is also really…real? I felt for her when she said that she didn’t want to go to their funeral; that must be a hard thing to have to go through, but it must also take courage to avoid it altogether.
Somehow she has found comfort in the complexity of the stars. Another brilliant line. :D I think that makes a lot of sense; finding comfort in something that’s fixed, and will always stay the same, past your life. It does make your worries feel a lot smaller, knowing that you’re such a small part of the world. This really is a comforting thought, and I think the way you wrote Lavender’s acceptance of this was lovely.
But in the morning she will return here and walk through that door, and she will accept what has happened. That’s really a huge step for Lavender. From what we saw of her in the beginning of this fic, she was afraid and insecure. I really liked how one small event could trigger this courage within her. Though this story was rather sad and angsty [I’m sure Patrick was proud :D], you ended it on a note of hope, which I always adore in fics. It’s such a lovely thought, really, thinking that even though you’ve undergone such a terrible tragedy, you’ll be able to move on someday. Such a beautiful theme, my Sarah, helped along by even more beautiful writing. I love the way you wrote her encounter with Harry; it was seemingly insignificant, and yet it made her realise, ‘hey, I DID survive, didn’t I?’ Harry’s role was wonderful; important, but not important because it was Harry; he was just another character. If that made any sense. *shifty eyes*.
I really enjoyed reading this story, my love, and look forward to reading more of your work soon! *squishes*
-your destiny twin
Author's Response: Yay! You picked this story! I must say that although this story only has a few reviews, those ones are fantastic. :D I'm a firm believer in the first paragraph being a good one - you really have to entice the reader in order for them to properly enjoy the whole story - so it's lovely to hear that you thought I wrote a good one! And whee for present tense! I love writing it and I love reading it. One of the things that makes this story amongst my personal favourites is that the words just flowed out when I wrote it, and that actually seems to have worked! [And I love it when people pick out sentences that they especially liked so hee!] I'm pleased that you thought the loss of parents was appropriate, because I just felt it seemed better under all the circumstances to do that. I actually think it's not really appreciated enough in writing that losing your parents at such an age often is much harder than losing a lover. So yes - I'm not sure it was necessarily a conscious decision, but it's nice to know it was a good one. Yes, having Harry walking down that street seemed the best way to go, as he's the sort of person who would be rushing to somewhere with only a little time to stop [ and I tried to keep the encounter as short as possible, since it didn't really need to be lengthy] and I agree that when it comes down to it, it matters very little who the person actually was. [ *giggles* Yes, you made sense!] Thank you ever so much for this fabulous review, and please do go read some more! It's wonderful that you liked this. :D
Sarah! Um…I don’t know why I’ve never read anything by you before. Well, I guess I’ve read drabbles and stuff, but never an actual fic. So here I am. And, like, I’m so glad you told me to read this one, because it’s positively lovely.
I’ve written Lavender once, and I found her difficult. I think that we see a lot of shallow, teenage girl in canon, and people take that too far; authors forget Lavender is a real person, too. But you really pinned Lavender’s character down here. I feel like she’s genuine, and that’s great. Everything she’s feeling sounds exactly right. The not wanting to go inside, because she’s afraid it will make everything real, is especially great. Oh, and the idea that her parents have died is also great (I realize that sounds morbid, but you know what I mean, I hope). Thinking she was somehow immune from the deaths, wondering why it had to be them, everything in this is so heart wrenching. Perhaps she feels nothing because she has no reason to. That line stuck out to me in particular.
I adore the way you start this: Lavender Brown sits in the dark. It’s chilling, and it perfectly sets the mood for the rest of the fic. Your writing is so delicious. All the words fit together in the loveliest of ways. It’s simple, but so descriptive (completely opposite of my own writing, which is overly complicated and not at all clear). You’re able to say so much in just a few words. I envy you!
Why me? Do I not get a choice? There seem to be subtle ideas of suicide in this fic? I think that suits Lavender really well here. And the fact that Harry is the one who…talks her out of it, in a way, is wonderful. It just shows how one person, one moment, can really change your entire life. Lavender’s change of attitude at the end of the fic is great; it gives the whole thing a more positive spin. It’s like we’re worrying about Lavender the entire time, and then we can finally rest easy.
And if nothing and no-one else, Lavender can trust the stars. I love it. For some reason, I have a certain penchant for star references in writing, and so naturally, I loved them here. They just fit in perfectly. -sigh- I basically love everything in this fic. You’re amazing, Sarah. I must insist you keep on writing beautiful things like this. =)
Author's Response: Squee! A Leanne!Review! I'm so thrilled that you think I've captured lavender character too - seriously, I was so worried about it once I'd finished. *blushes* You envy me? Really? Hang on, let me rephrase. You envy me? I can't quite believe that, but it's made me so happy anyway! Finally, just some general huggles for all your complimentary and encouraging words, and thank you so much for the review!
Author's Response: Do you know what I've decided? That response wasn't half of what is adequate in proportion to your review. So here I am again! I can't express how happy it makes me to see that I didn't screw Lavender up. Her character as we've seen it so far in the books is just so easy to abuse and make shallow that it was important I achieved something different to the norm. I was actually pretty pleased with that first line myself, if that doesn't sound too bigheaded. >> << But of course that hardly matters if the readers don't like it - so I'm very pleased that you liked it too! :D Yep, we do see a bit of a suicidal side to Lavender in this story, basically because that's just what comes when you feel like there's no-one left. I'm happy that Lavender's turnaround seems natural, because yes, I was trying to convey the notion that small thingsdo make the difference,whether people realise it or not. Another fan of stars? Squee! Wwe should so form a fanclub. Thanks you like woah for this heart-warming review.
Sarah! My, my, my. I HAVE missed reading your work. When I read this the first time, I hearted it. Now that I have read it a second time, I must say, I’ve discovered approximently [damn Word Processor, saying that isn’t a word. Which it IS, I just don’t know how to spell it. -_-] about 3,600 more reasons to heart it on to infinity. What a splendid birthday present. :D First off: Lavender’s character was quite well done. I, understandably, get nervous when others write her. “Will she be too whiny? Will she go Ice Queen on me? Oh no! She’s going into SLUT MODE? Oh no, today’s the day, I know it… they’ll make her Ron’s bride. *sob into shirt*” You, my dear, handle her very well. I applaud you. She’s depressed in the correct way. No, she’s not going to go crawl into a corner, slit her wrists, and listen to “I Who Have Nothing”. She’s going to go through the same things we all will go through when someone leaves us. Very well done, dear. ;) But… I do have to wonder about Lavender’s sanity in moments. XD
Everyone gather ‘round, for Patrick’s nitpick extravaganza has begun! It is shaped into a crude smile, similar to that of a baby’s as it learns for the first time. The entertaining world of colour in her head is making her laugh, and soon the area is filled with a careless, child-like laugh. Now dear, you are a fantastic writer who is clear and can make one’s heart wrench with happiness or sadness. This little bit… worries me, though. I really don’t see how it fits in with everything else. It is a good conductor for what happens next, but if you could clarify why she suddenly sees color and is laughing like a madwoman, than I would be forever grateful. The imagery, however, is gorgeous. One more little nitpick: “Oh, no, I like the fresh, crisp air. And I’ve not been out here long.” We do not use coordinating conjunctions at the beginning of sentences! *burns “and” with happiness and laughs insanely*
Now that I have gotten that out of the way, I can focus on what makes this fic fantastic: everything else. First off: You know me like a hand knows a glove. I mean, I LOVE the stars. And you not only packed Lavender into a fic, you packed into great star reference. It is so much love that it is amazing. Because of course the stars keep shining even through the dark. From the little she remembers of Muggle education, she knows that they must be thousands, even millions of miles from here, yet she can still see them. And that, more than anything she has ever considered before, fascinates her. Somehow she has found comfort in the complexity of the stars. This whole paragraph, I think, is a really amazing example of how great the fic is and how you used imagery and similes to weave a perfect pattern of… amazingness. [Omg, I’m starting to use words that don’t exist because my adjective vault is out of words. X.X] I like how you are able to convey that Lavender herself is a star - she’s surrounded by darkness. She can’t excuse herself from that. However, she manages to shine on, not letting the darkness overwhelm her. I also like the little inference that she once went to Muggle school. ;) And she is fascinated by them! How true. Aren’t we all, if we take the time to glance up and look at them?
The other thing that makes not only this fic really good but most of your work [including A Stab At Where The Heart Should Be] is the simple prettiness of the words you put together. Something about the way the words flow is insanely fabulous. For instance, my favorite line is : She has survived! She knows this should be a happy thought, but she can’t shy away from her own mind. And it is screaming at her. It gives a healthy balance of plot-ishness, shiny words, and artistry. It’s gorgeous. :D
Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. It was wonderful. :D /the review
Author's Response: Oh, Pat. You just utterly and completely made my day with this review. Seriously, just - *freak out* - I'm so pleased that you enjoyed it this much. Whee! As for the nitpicking, you know I value your honest opinion, so thank you! I've edited the part of Lavender's speech starting with 'And', and I've taken it into account for another time. Oh, and you've taught me a new term - 'coordinating conjunction'! Let me just say that I am absolutely over the moon that I have managed to write Lavender to your approval. I mean, I'd never expected a review as lovely as this. Every time I read it through I can't stop myslef from grinning like a maniac. But most of all, I'm so so so happy that you enjoyed your birthday fic, and thank you very much for such a wonderful review. *loves Pat*
Author's Response: *shifty eyes* I read your review again and found I had even more to say... My Pat is making up words in order to describe my story! *feels honoured* It makes me very happy to know that you enjoy my writing like this - and you're even finding deeper meanings in it that I, as the author, hadn't really noticed whilst writing it! Oh, and yes, the stars are possibly one of the things I love most about nature. *grin* I love that you like the way I use words, since this is so important to me and I genuinely adore writing them. You should know that anytime you've compliment me on this in particular,I can't help but beam. *huggles*
I'm so lucky to have found this beautiful one-shot. The flow of your writing is beautiful; you had so many descriptions that you set a tone and a setting without going overboard. Then the way you portrayed Lavender's emotions seemed so true and realistic. I understand what it's like to lose someone and then having to face being alone. Throughout the entire story you have Lavender tumble deeper and deeper into self-pity and despair. But you were just building us up. When Harry came it was as if Lavender had an epiphany. She saw that she really was lucky to survive and it's okay to be sad but she can't let it consume her. I love how you made Lavender a real person instead of the stereotypical stuck up person we usually read about. You gave her insight while keeping her realistic and true to herself. Thank you so much for writing this, Pat is lucky.
Author's Response: Thank you for all your wonderfully kind words! I'm really happy that you enjoyed it this much - and you have described the emotion of it just as I had hoped I portrayed. Thank you so much for you review.
