MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: eva365 (Signed) · Date: 10/31/07 14:44 · For: The Ninth Month
are you going to wright more?

Name: siriusrox26 (Signed) · Date: 10/27/07 14:44 · For: The Ninth Month
I Love this story!

Name: hope47 (Signed) · Date: 10/21/07 16:45 · For: The Ninth Month

Name: TheRiddleHeir (Signed) · Date: 10/20/07 16:19 · For: The Ninth Month
i love this story please write a new chappie soon!

Name: hermy_91 (Signed) · Date: 10/12/07 9:58 · For: The Ninth Month
Plz update soon

Name: CelticWitch (Anonymous) · Date: 10/01/07 20:56 · For: The Ninth Month
Next. Chapter. Please?

Name: A_Pink_lady (Signed) · Date: 10/01/07 12:13 · For: The Ninth Month
hehe, shes in labour! wow! I cant wait for the last chapter, but so sad that its almost over! Please update soon, this is a great story. my fav bit in this chapter is:
“They’re here!”
“No! Don’t hide, Ginny’ll go into labor if we all jump out!”
I found it amusing
Please update soon!

Name: HPLoverForever (Signed) · Date: 10/01/07 2:03 · For: Morning Sickness part II
This chapter is extremely fast pace. We go from learning that Ginny is going to have a baby, to finding out that they are twins, to that one of them has died. That is a lot for one chapter to carry, especially when it's not that long. I would try and make this more detailed. I had difficulty reading around the parts where Harry got lost and the way Ginny was reacting with the excruciating pain. It's always important to make sure your writing is clear and precise so that the reader can fully comprehend it.

Also, babies normally aren't developed enough to actually die within the first few weeks of pregnancy. It's a miscarriage and by that point it's not even considered 'death', but more so being that the fetus wouldn't develop into an actual baby.

I would also rephrase what the healer says when talking to Harry. Notice that the healer says "Yes, you are going to be the father of twins." Technically, he's not. It would have been better to say "Well, you were going to be the father of twins." rather than lead Harry on to believe that the babies are still alive and well. Does that make sense?

Either way, the story is getting very intense and I'm quite eager to see where it goes from here. Keep working hard! :)

Author's Response: Well, I wanted it to be fast. It was the point. And the part with what the Healer says is a little hint for the readers. rnrnThanks for you comments.

Name: HPLoverForever (Signed) · Date: 09/30/07 23:30 · For: Prologue-Morning Sickness
I like the idea of this. I can really see JKR having Harry and Ginny go straight to Molly right when finding out that they're going to have a baby. However, there were some things that sort of made the story a bit bumpy.

I don't really see Molly bringing up the baby shower right as Ginny confesses she's pregnant. I see her more on the freaking out side, jumping up and down and being somewhat frantic about the whole thing. It just seems more Molly-ish to me, I suppose. Also, if Ginny is JUST finding out she's going to have a baby, her stomach wouldn't be getting bigger just yet, I don't think. That doesn't normally happen for a few months.

This sentence should also probably be rewritten from this:
Mrs. Weasley set the kettle onto the stove, got out some teacups, and the fixings, she set them on the table. '

to this:
Mrs. Weasley set the kettle onto the stove, got out some cup along with the fixings, and set them on the table.

It just makes more sense that way and flows much easier.

The ending is slightly choppy. If possible, I would rewrite it so that it finished off much more clean and not so short, if that makes any sense.

Other than those things I think this story could easily be a success. You've started the story off right off the bat and it looks like it's going well from here. Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you for your comments. But seeing as I am working on the last chapter of this story now, I'll just keep your tips in mind and maybe edit after it's ben completed. Thanks again! You give a great review!

Name: smilesand (Signed) · Date: 09/30/07 16:53 · For: The Ninth Month

Author's Response: I know!!

Name: hermy_91 (Signed) · Date: 09/30/07 15:28 · For: The Ninth Month
This was a very good chapter. I Love this story.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy the rest!

Name: GinnyPotter808 (Signed) · Date: 09/29/07 23:13 · For: The Ninth Month
What a cliffie! I can't wait till the next chapter. I can't believe it's almost over :-(

Submit really soon!! I wanna know what happens next!!

Author's Response: Thank you! I think you'll like what's coming up next!

Name: lado88 (Signed) · Date: 09/29/07 21:50 · For: The Ninth Month
AWESOME YOU MUST UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Author's Response: It's coming!

Name: JustLikeHermione77 (Signed) · Date: 09/29/07 21:02 · For: The Ninth Month
dum de dum dum DUMMMMMMMM.................. YOU BETTER UPDATE SOON!!! DONT U DARE LEAVE US HANGING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Name: I_LUV_MOONY (Signed) · Date: 09/29/07 20:16 · For: The Ninth Month

I absolutely agree! Pretty handy that Hermione was in Healer training, huh? Although I guess going through labor herself she would know a lot about it. And Harry seemed to keep a fairly cool head. However, he probably has a panic attack by the time he gets to Healer Peeker.

“You’re welcome,” Peeker smiled. “I shall see you in a week.”

Sorry, but I'm confused. You said that it takes place on October 24 and that Ginny is due the 25th. So wouldn't Healer Peeker see them tomorrow?

“Ginny’s having some pains. Harry, I think she’s gone into labor!” Hermione said quickly.

“But she’s not due until…” the realization hit Harry.

Honestly, Harry is a bit naïve to think that she has to give birth on her due date. Women rarely give birth on their exact due dates. Of course, this is just a father's naïveness. I can't wait for the next chapter. Best wishes! :D

Name: James Jameson (Signed) · Date: 09/29/07 15:02 · For: The Ninth Month
AHHHHHHH!!!!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!!!!! OMGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!! Cliuffie to the max! You're a meanie!

Name: fawkesfeathers (Signed) · Date: 09/28/07 15:01 · For: The Ninth Month
o come on!!!! u need to update,,,and sooon!!!!!!!!!!!....very exciting

Author's Response: It won't be soon, but I definetly will update! Thanks!

Name: kittykat (Signed) · Date: 09/28/07 14:52 · For: The Ninth Month
oh wow!!!! i can't wait!!!

Author's Response: Thanks!

Name: fanofFred (Signed) · Date: 09/28/07 14:23 · For: The Ninth Month
ahhhh! That was a terrible cliffie, how could you do that to me? But, I did like this chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you! Get used to cliffies, I plan one for the rest of the chapters! (Which is only two)

Name: Ginny Weasley Potter (Signed) · Date: 09/28/07 13:19 · For: The Ninth Month
Ho ho, a cliffie! It's so cool! I loved it! :)

Author's Response: Thanks!

You must login (register) to review.