Reviewer: MusicShoes
Date: 10/09/07 18:05
Chapter: Chapter 1

Awwwww!!!!! This makes me feel so bad for Snape!!!!!! Perhaps I can send him chocolate instead?
~Muse

Reviewer: rambkowalczyk
Date: 02/23/07 9:36
Chapter: Chapter 1

You captured Snape's angst. Well done.

Author's Response: thanks again! (I do love double posts!)

Reviewer: rambkowalczyk
Date: 02/23/07 9:36
Chapter: Chapter 1

You captured Snape's angst. Well done.

Author's Response: thanks! glad you thought so.

Reviewer: Chaser47
Date: 02/19/07 22:16
Chapter: Chapter 1

They hated her because she was a jumped up Mudblood, and were usually carried away by this sentiment that they didnt notice how drawn to her Severus was and had been for some time

Looks like you forgot the period at the end of the sentence. *magically puts one in* There you go! This sentence reads just a tad bit awkwardly. If you move around the words to say: They hated her because she was a jumped up Mudblood, but luckily for Severus this sentiment kept them from noticing how drawn to her he was and always had been. It makes it flow a bit better.

The sinking sensation that he felt when he was close to her was enough of a motivation to do things for her even when he didnt receive anything in return

Oops! Forgot the period at the end again. So far, however, I do like your characterization of the teenaged Severus.

At precisely the wrong moment, Sirius Black and James Potter came stomping into the yard, looking casual and unaffected by the world at large.

I loved this line-- a very Snape-like observation.

The sparkles and violin music were forever replaced with dismal Valentine confetti and the harsh hum of a funeral dirge.

Ah, the irony that is Severus Snape. Very well put, though. The finality of the situation comes through perfectly.

I have to admit, your story started out a bit rough. You had me worried for a second! But I kept reading, which I am glad I did. Your story was a nice Lily/Severus, which I do enjoy reading. You captured Snape's bitter persona, while portraying the uncomfortable feelings that came for him when he let his guard down for Lily very well. I could feel his hate for James, his embarrassment when he heard Lily with Remus.

I also liked what you did with Lily. Oh, the woes of being pretty and popular! At any rate, her character was well done and realistic. Her reaction to the gifts was one that I could see really happening.

So my suggestions would be to streamline the beginning of your story, watching out for awkward sentences and missed punctuation. Other than that, I really enjoyed your story!

--Hanna

Author's Response: ah, the joys of the double post! :)

Reviewer: Chaser47
Date: 02/19/07 22:15
Chapter: Chapter 1

They hated her because she was a jumped up Mudblood, and were usually carried away by this sentiment that they didnt notice how drawn to her Severus was and had been for some time

Looks like you forgot the period at the end of the sentence. *magically puts one in* There you go! This sentence reads just a tad bit awkwardly. If you move around the words to say: They hated her because she was a jumped up Mudblood, but luckily for Severus this sentiment kept them from noticing how drawn to her he was and always had been. It makes it flow a bit better.

The sinking sensation that he felt when he was close to her was enough of a motivation to do things for her even when he didnt receive anything in return

Oops! Forgot the period at the end again. So far, however, I do like your characterization of the teenaged Severus.

At precisely the wrong moment, Sirius Black and James Potter came stomping into the yard, looking casual and unaffected by the world at large.

I loved this line-- a very Snape-like observation.

The sparkles and violin music were forever replaced with dismal Valentine confetti and the harsh hum of a funeral dirge.

Ah, the irony that is Severus Snape. Very well put, though. The finality of the situation comes through perfectly.

I have to admit, your story started out a bit rough. You had me worried for a second! But I kept reading, which I am glad I did. Your story was a nice Lily/Severus, which I do enjoy reading. You captured Snape's bitter persona, while portraying the uncomfortable feelings that came for him when he let his guard down for Lily very well. I could feel his hate for James, his embarrassment when he heard Lily with Remus.

I also liked what you did with Lily. Oh, the woes of being pretty and popular! At any rate, her character was well done and realistic. Her reaction to the gifts was one that I could see really happening.

So my suggestions would be to streamline the beginning of your story, watching out for awkward sentences and missed punctuation. Other than that, I really enjoyed your story!

--Hanna

Author's Response: oops! yeah, i had some weird formatting errors with this, and when i went in to fix them, i had way too many spaces between paragraphs...guess i got too heavy handed with the delete key and erased a few periods. here's some extra ones for good measure......:) thanks for the pointers; i did clean up that one awkward sentence: you were right, it was kinda weird. and thanks for the kind review :)

Reviewer: abbs866
Date: 02/19/07 15:16
Chapter: Chapter 1

Oh my gosh Wicked! THis was awesome - I'd never thought that it could be aftermath of a bad memory! My favorite line was the part about how Harry's face was the reflection of the girl he'd loved and the boy he'd hated. Amazingly well written!

Author's Response: ^_^ you're the sweetest, Abbs! I'm really glad you liked it and that you took the time to let me know! thanks a million!

Reviewer: Gmariam
Date: 02/19/07 14:29
Chapter: Chapter 1

Wonderful job! I feel so bad for Snape now. This certainly seems possible, and it was very sad for him to have his first love shattered like that. Nice job writing his character. The end in particular wrapped it all up very well. Thank you so much for participating in our little Valentine challenge for the potions master! *turnip hug* ~Gina :)

Author's Response: *turnip hug* right back at ya, Gina! thanks for the great review, and apologies again for not having it turned in on time for V-Day...glad you liked it tho!

Reviewer: padfoot n prongs
Date: 02/19/07 12:53
Chapter: Chapter 1

Really enjoyed it...perfect.specialy logged in to review.

Author's Response: aw, thanks for taking the time! that means a lot! glad you enjoyed :)

Reviewer: Soupdragon
Date: 02/19/07 12:30
Chapter: Chapter 1

Sweet! Very well written!!

Author's Response: thanks much!! (is a soup dragon like a soup nazi by any chance??) ^_^

Reviewer: radcliffe4eva
Date: 02/19/07 12:14
Chapter: Chapter 1

Ah, it was sweet, and then Severus got ousted once again. *Sigh* The guy gets no love (literally). It was really good though!!! :-)

Author's Response: *sigh* indeed! I actually tried for a somewhat happy ending, but it didn't happen...*pats severus sympathetically* thanks for reviewing!!

Reviewer: mischeifmanaged93
Date: 02/19/07 10:53
Chapter: Chapter 1

I liked it a lot. It was a good story. Keep writing!

Author's Response: thanks for the review! and fear not, many more stories to come...:)

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