another great chapter! I'm quickly developing a soft spot for Gig, and you were right, the accents, except for Goodie Gudgeon, whose lines I still have to say out loud, are getting easier to understand. On to the next chapter with anticipation!
Author's Response: Oh, wow--saying the lines out loud. I wonder, do you go in for acting? I did once , and used to read books aloud a lot, especially when the accent or personality was particularly intriguing. Gig is a sweetie, and as a storyteller with a fertile imagination, a good foil for Minerva who is a more prosaic, practical type.
This is my favorite chapter of your story so far (even including the fourth chapter, which I don’t have time to review tonight...). It has the most character exposition and also more of Minerva’s history – which was very interesting, I do have to say. I do like Gig, and all the possibilities you presented for her having trouble with words. That would be a real struggle at Hogwarts, where everything is verbal. Poor Gig.
I like Jupiter. He is pretty much a typical single father, but very thoughtful nonetheless. It was good of him to have Minerva’s “fag” shined up for school.
This chapter also made a mystery of how Minerva got out of the Quaffle net. I’m really interested in what happened there.
Different wizarding families’ traditions in preparing for Hogwarts are very rarely explored. I just started wondering if Ollivander is right – and that there is one want for one wizard – or if using family heirloom wands (for lack of a better term) works better. Or if...they both work. Interesting concept. Thank you for such an intriguing story.
Author's Response: Gig is a favorite of mine. She will have her ups and downs throughout the series and will have influence on characters who become important in the HP books. Glad you like Jupiter. He's a bit like my dad--brawny, an inventor, not all that clued in to feminine needs--but quite loveable. Glad you picked up on the 'mystery'. It ties into several upcoming chapters and becomes very important in book two. I'm not trying to contradict Ollivander; I'm thinking of the idea of wands being passed down as a tradition that belongs to families of ancient lineage like Minerva's. Ollivander would have no reason to mention it to Harry, since his family wouldn't likely subscribe to that tradition.
What an attention-grabbing first chapter! Not only the accents, but the Quidditch game itself was fascinating – and I don’t always go for the Quidditch stuff. It really felt like I was watching a bunch of kids having a match. The part about the “dragon,” especially.
I do have one possible suggestion. The story in general has captivating and realistic descriptions, but there was a sentence that struck me wrong: She slapped a sweeping tendril of Coldwort away from her sweep and flew up to the net to take stock of the situation. The use of “sweeping” and “sweep” so near each other is a little distracting to me. I might suggest avoiding that in future if you’re too lazy to fix that one. Other than that, marvelous job!
Author's Response: Fixed it! Thanks for your input, C.A. The Quidditch 'scrum' comes out of my own childhood whenpick-up games of tag, dodgeball, kickball, spud, etc. were the norm after school. And I love JKR's 'Fantastic Beasts' so I just had to mention the herd of Hebridean Blacks that have their own clan to keep them in check.
yay! A second chapter! My favorite part of this was definetely the fake letter- it really lightened up the heavy bits about the story, her ma- a very nicely written section, by the way. Keep up the great work!
Author's Response: I like that part too, J.T., because I wanted to show a little of Min's relationship to her father, but, you're right, it definitely lightens things.
oh, wow! What an interesting start- the accents were a little hard to decipher, but it was worth it because of the story. The summary did a great job of hooking me, and the story was even better- I can't wait to read chapter two. Favorites!
Author's Response: Thanks, J.T. Sorry about the accents. There shouldn't be too much more of that. Had to make it authentic , you ken ;) (I had a real Scots beta--the excellent Ewan Munro.)