I think this is a pretty good story, and you're a great writer, but it's really hard to follow the plot line. I'm assuming Draco and Ginny have been together, but all I know is she has fantasies about him, because they story is rather difficult to follow.
Author's Response: thanks!!
wow !! gd chapter wish i could write like you
Author's Response: I appreciate it. Thanks!
I love your writing style. It has an air about it, makes it seem like you're there somehow. Great job!
Author's Response: Well, that's an interesting thing to notice. I appreciate it; thank you!
wow!!!!! that was really good!!!!
Author's Response: Wow, thanks!
I'm really confused. Can someone explain?
Author's Response: You kind of have to look into the surface description of what happened and guess the rest. I'm sorry if you're confused.
it was really good good job.....
Author's Response: Why, thank you!
aw! love it! more!
Author's Response: There will be more eventually. Thanks for reading!
thought it was great!!
thought it was great!!
Author's Response: Excellent, thanks!
okay... i kind of like it but i seriously don't understand it.
Author's Response: I'm glad you kind of like it! You kind of have to look into the surface description of what happened and guess the rest.
Hmmm...i think this story could use a more in-depth ending to it...it left me feeling like there was more to it...
Author's Response: Maybe because there is? It's not a one-shot. There will be more chapters, someday.
*smiles* Delaney, Delaney. Do you know what you do? You tell your stories with such confidence. The first two paragraphs of this SPEW 007 story are not just a thoughtful introduction, but you telling your readers the way things are. And not for a second do I think to question that. It’s something that brave authors do, those who really know what they want to say. They say, “Look, this is how it is, how it works.”, and readers nod and go “Okay.” – not because they’re ignorant or gullible, but because what the author says makes sense.
(Did that make sense? *cough*)
You’ve done a good job of weaving your first chapter into canon, and admire that when it comes to non-canon pairings, especially a complicated one like Draco/Ginny. It would be so much easier for you to turn things completely AU, but no, you settle the anchor of your story firmly in canon, and can I only hope that your following chapters will continue in the same style. It takes skill, to find the little lapses where you might fit these moments in without actually affecting the canon turn of things.
You put Harry in a very prominent position, just like he would have been in Ginny’s life then, which I also appreciate. Not because I happen to like Harry/Ginny, but because it makes it more real. I don’t think it would be that difficult to write a decent Draco/Ginny story, but to me the whole point of the relationship is the fact that they have so many obstacles to overcome before they could be together. And in this chapter you don’t force them closer to each other like many authors might have been tempted to do (or at least so I imagine), but you cleverly set up an encounter. Perhaps some people will read this and think, “Eh, so what?”, but I can simply feel that this will matter later on, and that you’ve got things in store for us.
There isn’t a lot to suggest improvements on here, but I’ll point out this sentence:
A seemingly endless room had presented itself, full of what looked like simply ‘things’.
Hm. The ‘simply’ there at the end looks a little out of place. Put right in front of ‘tings’ like that it seems like it’s supposed to describe that word, when it is in fact meant to describe ‘looked’. I would suggest that you write either ‘…full of what simply looked like ‘things’, or ‘…full of what looked simply like ‘things’.
The very last paragraph is delicious and the end sentence had me nodding at my screen, agreeing quietly. To miss something that she really doesn’t want to know or feel again – a very powerful mix of emotions you give to her there, Delaney. This is all very well-written, and I hope you will have as much success with the coming six chapters.
Author's Response: I think I thanked you for this in some other venue, but seriously, THANK you. I go back to this review all the time when I want to remember this story (and continue it), and I appreciate your commentary very much. I also fixed the bit you suggested changing, in case you were curious.
This is really good. You're a really good writer, I can't wait for the next chapter.
Author's Response: I appreciate that! I have written the next chapter. I need to get it posted, certainly.
Very insparational. The way it all flowed togather. your stroy was wonderful.
Author's Response: I'm glad you noticed the cadence. Thanks for reviewing!
Oh Laney! This popped up and I knew I had to read it! I'm sorry this isn't the most eloquent of reviews [that'll come later!] but it's really... huzzuh, Laney. This is so wonderful.
A variety of images passed through her mind–words disappearing onto a page, tousled black hair, darkness, touch. That's the favourite, right now. The Asphyxiate. line is powerful, but I love the different connotations and relevancies that you instate with that sentence... wonderful, dearest. ♥
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely note! I'm glad you liked it, especially the extra connotations!