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Reviews For Ballad of A Boy

Name: kumydabookworm (Signed) · Date: 06/02/07 18:20 · For: Ballad of A Boy
I really love the style of this piece, Snow! The imagery really comes through well, and the last line is sad. :( There are a few issues with rhythm that I didn't have time to cover because it was such a rushed beta job *blush* so I'll do it through review.

All the lines should go da-DUM-da-DUM-da-DUM. Unaccented, accented, alternating in that manner. Most of your lines don't.

Let me rework one stanza as an example.

When the insane, insane Dark Lord
just flicked his bone-white wrist,
A boy with a lightning-bolt scar,
Harry, did not resist.


The accents go like this:

WHEN the inSANE, inSANE DARK Lord
Just FLICKED his BONE-white WRIST
A BOY with a LIGHTning BOLT scar
HARry did not reSIST.

So, my edited version could read:

The CRAzy, CRAzy DARK Lord VILE
Just FLICKED his BONE-white WRIST.
And HARry, LIPS curved IN a SMILE--
SurPRISED, could NOT reSIST.

See the pattern of syllables? It alternates, and there are four accents in lines 1 and 3, and three in lines 2 and 4.

Anyway if you ever want me to look at it again, just PM me. :) Just wanted to point out that you can work on the rhythm if you have time!



Author's Response: Wow, such a detailed review, Kumy! -is deeply flattered you took all that time to correct it still- Hmmm....I'll think on that! I've got a crazy summer ahead of me! Anyways, thanks again! ~Kathy


Name: Lalalalatina (Signed) · Date: 05/12/07 21:20 · For: Ballad of A Boy
Woah- I did not expect him to die. That was like so unexpected.

This poem was good, and this is my fave part:
But, woe, Voldemort was too quick.
He flicked his evil wand,
and The-Boy-Who-Lived went flying--
his soul to the beyond.

Now this place is drenched with evil...
Cursed, some locals will say.
Marked with many a plain white cross
To signify the day.


Very sad, truly sad. Don't know why I like this part, maybe just because it is very sad and shows that failure can always happen, no matter how hard we try, and those who remember us may not remember our strengths, but will remember that we failed. Sad, I know.

The one part I must pick on is the last line of the first stanza.

and one made Harry choke.

I think you could've thought of a stronger ending to the stanza, but that's just me. Ignore that comment if you wish.


Anyways good job on this. You should write more poems.

^_^

Author's Response: THANK YOU! Teehee, well, it's a ballad, so you have to follow meter :(. Or whatever it's called...I'm not too good at terms :(. ~Kathy


Name: dragonwings (Signed) · Date: 03/21/07 21:17 · For: Ballad of A Boy
Aww, so he dies? *is sad*. I like how it's sort of light on the angst and doesn't go too into detail. It had a bigger impact on me that way, just because I wasn't expecting Harry to die...But it is incredibly sad, I don't want Harry, Ginny, and Remus to die! Especially poor Remus, he's been through so much! *says a silent prayer to JK Rowling PLEASE!* Thanks for helping out the Gryffindor House with your submission- it's a great ballad and it's way better than anything I could write!

Author's Response: Thank you! -huggles you for the positive comment- ~Kathy


Name: MJ_Padfoot (Signed) · Date: 03/17/07 19:17 · For: Ballad of A Boy
This is a great ryhming poem! It's sad that Harry died but it's still very good. ~MJ

Author's Response: Thank you very much, MJ. It's a ballad, so it follows a rhyme scheme, but I'm glad you liked it! ~Kathy


Name: rachelprue (Anonymous) · Date: 03/14/07 16:34 · For: Ballad of A Boy
You should have won...but you killed Harry!

Author's Response: Sorry...but sad ballads are easier to write...Funny ones...difficult! Oh my god, thanks for the compliment! I don't konw if I should have won, but I don't think it's my worst work. Thanks again! ~Kathy


Name: Soupdragon (Signed) · Date: 03/11/07 12:00 · For: Ballad of A Boy
This is actually very good! "When the insane, insane Dark Lord
just flicked his bone-white wrist,
A boy with a lightning-bolt scar,
Harry, did not resist.
" I loved it!

Author's Response: Thank you! -bows- I didn't win though :(...oh well, at least I tried! Thank you for the positive comment! -skips around singing- ~Kathy


Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 02/15/07 14:48 · For: Ballad of A Boy
Oh, that's so sad! I hate it when Harry loses to Voldemort. ;) But I liked your ballad, never worry! Well done! I particularly liked the seventh stanza - "his soul to the beyond." Good luck in the challenge! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you! You've pretty much made my day, Gina! You're one of my favorite authors, and I feel very honoured that you reviewed my ballad. -feels honoured and rushes off to review yours in return- ~Kathy


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