MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
06/04/07 19:00 · For:
The story is really interesting. Most of it flows really well, particularly the action-scenes - it was very easy for me to visualize the events taking place. (as I can't write these types of scenes to save my life, I'm envious.)
IMHO, the second para can be re-written to really suck readers in (it's too bland in comparison to the rest of your prose, and the word 'day' is repeated too often), and the ending can be made tighter/shorter. Again, just IMHO.....
Thanks for sharing! I look forward to reading more of your writings!