Good. Quite good.
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! :]
I love the first person POV you used in this story; it was a really nice touch. It is so horribly sad to hear this tragic part of Albus' life, and yet, I was excited to see something about Albus' younger years - we very rarely see that.
My one question would be: What about Aberforth? The parents are dead, so who's taking care of him while Albus is here?
It would be a nice touch for Albus to bring him along and this experience with Blenkinsop the all-knowing barkeeper would inspire him to barkeep the Hog's Head. :D
Author's Response: Thanks for the great review, Kumy! :] Well, I'm guessing Aberforth would be old enough to take care of himself at this age, since I'm guessing Albus to be in his 30s-40s. Love the suggestion though! <3
Ooh Ö another ďAt the Sign of the Green DragonĒ submission! Is this Albus who is lost? It certainly seems that way, but youíre leaving the readers a bit lost, as well! Which I love, by the way Ė just so weíre clear. I also really enjoyed the title of this chapter. It has a very nice mirror imagery with Snape.
You have a lovely writing style. It seems very effortless and smooth, though Iím sure it might not feel that way to you! From the very first paragraph, I was completely drawn in to the scene. You painted a perfect picture. Just from reading it, Iím feeling hot and sweaty and dusty and exhausted, and I can hear those cicadas as if there wasnít two feet of snow outside right now! Iím envious of your talent here!
I also enjoyed that a lot of this chapter was flashback. Hmm, it makes sense, considering the title!
And here, my pleasure ended. Donít worry, though! Itís not your fault! Well, actually it is. This is so sad! I nearly cried. I had never, ever considered that Dumbledore might have had a family, and that Grindelwald killed them. Iím Ö shocked that you came up with such an idea. Itís fabulous, and Iím jealous of your imagination! Just as you made me hot and dry in the first paragraph, in the rest of the chapter I was aching for Dumbledore. Itís no wonder heís feeling lost and desolate.
I didnít see any errors in grammar or spelling, but you have a fabulous beta! Kate has just taken me on, and while I havenít gotten my chapter back yet, Iím thrilled to see that your chapter is flawless. Kudos to you and to Kate!
The only problem that I can see Ė and I really had to search for it Ė is that you have Grindelwald down as a Gryffindor. Thatís a very interesting choice, one that I certainly would not have made, and one that you donít see very often Ė a Dark wizard who wasnít in Slytherin. But I think there is a basis for this in canon. Hagrid says in chapter five of Philosopherís Stone that ďthereís not a single witch or wizard who went bad who wasnít in Slytherin.Ē So, you might want to change that little detail. I donít think it will throw anything else.
This is a stunning first chapter, and I cannot wait for the next one to be validated! Good luck in the challenge, Mari! Iíd certainly place this!
Knight of the Turnip Table
PS Ė Iím loving the title Ė Draconis Viridans Ė thatís brilliant!
Author's Response: Yay, a nice, long review! *happy dance* Thanks so much for reviewing! :] Yes, Kate is a fab beta! You know, I really don't know how I came up with this plot bunny, but you know in HBP when Dumbledore is screaming after he drinks the potion? I was kind of basing it off of that. And I put Grindelwald as a Gryffindor, because I imagine that that's how Albus would get to be friends with him. Then again, Albus is nice enough to befriend all the Houses... Hehe, thanks again for reviewing, and keep reading cause the next chapter's in the queue! :]